Sibling naming son same name as my son...

Bella Moochie · December 2010

I have one child, a 5 month old son. My brother and his wife are pregnant with their second son and due in 6 months. They recently informed my parents that they will be naming their son the same name as I named my son. (They have yet to tell me.) I named my son after my grandfather to whom I was very close. My brother's wife just 'likes' the name.

Would you be mad? The more I think about it, the angrier I get. It seems like if there are two kids with the same name within a family, it would take away from their individuality. With all of the other names out there, I just feel like they should be able to chose a different one. If they would have named their first son with this name, I certainly would have chosen a different name for my son, even though I would have been very sad to be put in the position to do so.

Any opinions/comments/insight would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

ajdubya126 · December 2010

While I would definitely be peeved and would not be afraid to let my bro and his wife know it, there really isn't anything you can do about it. You can't claim a name. Considering that it's a family name, I don't think it's weird for 1st cousins to have the same name. They might even like it (maybe I'm being optimistic here)

I would probably do some passive-aggressive stuff before the baby arrives like call my son "the real___" or the first ____" or refer to the baby by an annoying nickname or his initials. However, I wouldn't recommend doing that! You may just talk to your bro and his wife. They may not have realized how it made you feel (again, being optimistic), or then again they may not care.

Stormy8881 · December 2010

I would be upset too. Hopefully they will come to you seeking some kind of permission or acceptance and then you will have your chance to present your case and let them know you're not ok with it. That is all you can do....if they stick with the name anyway I guess start thinking of nicknames for when they are together and on the bright side the boys will probably have something strong to bond over..... Tongue Tied

strangebird · December 2010

Nobody owns a name and families share names all the time. While it's okay to feel a little bit annoyed, getting seriously angry about something like this is just childish. Your children will still be individuals; they'll probably develop separate nicknames or be identified some other way.

And remember, you SIL might just "like" the name, but your brother has just as much claim to it as a family name as you do. The fact that you had your baby first doesn't really make a difference. They can and will name their son whatever they want. Starting any kind of family feud over it is ridiculous.

Wish Upon A Star · December 2010

I know a family where two siblings both named their children a family name (William). One child goes by Will, the other goes by Liam. I dont know what your child's name is, but maybe something like this could work for you.

Bella Moochie · December 2010

ajdubya126, thank you for taking the time to response. My brother and his wife wouldn't care if it bothered me or not. They are the type who get what they want regardless of how it affects anybody else. She just 'likes' the name, it's just a coincidence that it's my grandfather's name. My brother wasn't close to my grandfather at all.

I know it's probably best for me to just bite my tongue and not say anything; however, that is sooooo not me! I guess we'll see!

Thanks again! Smile

mybobofo · December 2010

I could never figure out why people get upset about "sharing" a name. It really doesn't matter to anyone but the parents. And it usually doesn't matter for very long. The kids will probably think it's cool as kids and not care at all as adults. We have several Roberts in my extended family. Many people use the same family name for middle and first names too - most of my male cousins actually.

Nanna · December 2010

I'm dissenting from the opinions presented so far. I would be upset if I were in your shoes, and I absolutely would mention my feelings about it to my brother. No, you obviously can't expect that they will honor your wishes, but I see nothing wrong with letting them know that you are aware of their plans, and then take the chance to let them know why, specifically, you are upset about it. I don't see that this needs to cause a feud - families should be able to be honest with each other (keeping in mind to be civil and kind while letting them know how you feel). Just my $0.02.

robynlesley · December 2010

Nanna:
I'm dissenting from the opinions presented so far. I would be upset if I were in your shoes, and I absolutely would mention my feelings about it to my brother. No, you obviously can't expect that they will honor your wishes, but I see nothing wrong with letting them know that you are aware of their plans, and then take the chance to let them know why, specifically, you are upset about it. I don't see that this needs to cause a feud - families should be able to be honest with each other (keeping in mind to be civil and kind while letting them know how you feel). Just my $0.02.

I agree. I'd be very upset and I would speak to your brother about it.

LadyXaverian · December 2010

I agree with Nanna. I would be a bit upset, and I would probably let them know that I was disappointed that they were choosing the same name. I wouldn't turn it into a feud, but I would share my feelings. After that, I would drop it.

SarahPLiz · December 2010

Yes, its weird. BUT, if it is otherwise a common name with a couple different nn options, then it will be ok. I assume they will have different last names so no one will get them confused.

Now if the name is Tiberius (DH's GF), that would make me raise a little bit of a stink. No one could like that name that much unless they were related.

cearleyjay · December 2010

i would be ticked! i would say something and very bluntly! i dont think it is very nice. im sure there are other family names they could use.??

i gave up a name because my moms cousins daughter named her son the same name. he was 3 or 4 when my DS was born, so it was already hers by far. there are so many great names out there why try to copy (IMO) one that is already in the same genaration.

Mrs.Leah.Maria · December 2010

SarahL77:

I agree with Nanna. I would be a bit upset, and I would probably let them know that I was disappointed that they were choosing the same name. I wouldn't turn it into a feud, but I would share my feelings. After that, I would drop it.

This. I just can't imagine their being another Isaac, as a first cousin. I think it takes some audacity to go there, but it sounds like that is normal from your brother.

Bella Moochie · December 2010

Thank you for all of your replies.I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my post.

I am bummed about it; however, I will not be starting a major family feud about it as one person commented. My family is extremely small, so it will be kind of weird having 2 boys with the same name. It took my husband and I a total of 8 years to have our son and we suffered through several miscarriages. Our son is, of course, extremely special to us and him being named in honor of his grandfather is special to me as well. It just sucks that my nephew will have the same name as my son without any special meaning.... and as some of you have also pointed out..a name is a name and is not anybody elses to 'take' over another. Regardless, I still think it stinks.

anna7602 · December 2010

I would probably be annoyed, but I don't know that I would do anything about it. I guess I need to know the name and whether it has been used in your family for several generations before your GF or not. DH and I decided to honor his GF by using his name as a mn if we'd had a boy when I was pg with DD (team Green). If DH's sister suddenly had a son and used that name, I think we would probably still use it as a mn since it is a name that has been in DH's family as far back as they can trace on the family tree. If his sister told me she was upset, I still don't think that would change our minds, but it's a mn for us. If it were our chosen first name, I might consider moving it to the mn.

Bella Moochie · December 2010

The name is not a 'family' name. My grandfather was the only one with the name....until my son, of course. Smile

teshy1 · December 2010

While no one can really lay claim to a name, I do find it weird that your sibling would choose the exact same name.

plunderb · December 2010

If it were just a name you both liked, I would say that your brother is out of bounds, but since it is your grandfather's name, it's not out of line. My daughter is named for a beloved grandparent, and I would be neither surprised nor offended if my siblings or cousins chose to use that name for their own children.

MelleTX · December 2010

I think it's odd and unoriginal, but not really something to get stressed over. Your nephew will forever be known as "little firstname" in the family. But try to rememebr it's not the kid's fault so please don't give him any funky nicknames.

I am specifically NOT choosing Emma (a family name) because I have a niece named Emily.

Then again, after my older brother passed away, my younger brother and I agreed we can both use his name for a middle name for our children (him for a girl and me for a boy).

I would be more interested in finding out why she likes it so much.

Notwifezilla7 · December 2010

If this situation was to arise in my family, I'd flat out ask my SIL why this name? Seriously, there are millions of names in the books and this is the only one they can agree on?

I get the "no one owns a name" arguement and that's true, but there's also a bit of etiquette too.

*Chicken* · December 2010

It's weird to me that this is upsetting you so much.

I could sort of see if you were due with your first baby after her baby was due (how many kids she has/will have is irrelevant) but your son is 5 months old already. They are not stealing the name or making you feel like you can't use it anymore since you already named him after your grandfather!

My cousin had a baby recently and if he named his son after our grandfather, whom I would love to name our son after, I would have been a little put off but I don't own the name so what right, even if I was closer to my grandfather than he was, do I have to say 'oh no, dear cousin, no way that's MY name' . My grandfather was just as much my cousin's grandfather so he has as much right to the name as I do, regardless if he named him because he 'just liked the name'.

I think you are being a little silly about this and I certainly don't think you should say anything about it because it most likely won't change their name choice and will make you look kind of selfish and bratty.

onelittlemonkey · December 2010

I have relatives that are cousins and have the same name after their grandfather, but it's also a culture where names being redundant amongst families is a fairly common thing.

I would be upset if I were you, but more about how you heard about it and how they haven't told you. If my brother came to me and explained it was because they wanted to honor your grandfather also, etc. then that would be nice, but it's hard to believe that of all names they can't find another one that the like as much as this one- since they're not doing it out of "honor". I think it's kind of weird.

shannm · December 2010

I think it is weird that your SIL and brother are even considering it. Just look at how many other posters said that they crossed names off when relative or friends used the name or similar.

Yes, no one "owns" a name. BUT, at least from my perspective, if my brother and SIL did this, I would say, "Uh, don't you think that is a little weird?" (And FWIW, we are a family with shared family names, and I did use my nephew's first name as my son's middle name.) My brother and SIL are crazy but even they would think this is weird.

msmerymac · December 2010

Yeah, it would annoy me. My mother actually didn't use a name she liked because my dad's cousin had a daughter who would have had the same first and last name. Even though we didn't see that cousin much, it would be weird. It would be REALLY weird if it was a sibling. Your parents will have 2 grandkids with the same name - sorry, it's weird and I think your brother is being kind of a diick.

M.Amy · December 2010

I would be upset especially since you say it is a small family. I would totally go the passive-aggressive route and say something to your SIL to make her think about the name differently. Something like how you understand why she chose that name because she she likes to copy you/looks up to you/respects you/is jealous and that now when you hear the name you will think about how much she (fill in the blank) you. But don't tell her not to use it.

Hopefully it will taint the name for her.

kerribear1717 · December 2010

I do find it weird they would choose the same name. But some people don't see the naming process like you of course. You said you went through a lot and this name really means something to you. Others just say well that name sounds good, why not. Me I took 9 months to come up with my son's so if a family member or friend wanted to go with the name I'd think it was irksome as well. But I really associate names with people I've known in the past. Like I could never give the name Ryan for instance cause I briefly dated a guy in high school named Ryan. But I'm weird like that. Luckily I've never known another Connor

RumbleLina · December 2010

All I can think of is the confusion that it may cause if they had the same name, especially if you are a close knit family. One of them would have to have a NN to discern who you are talking about in conversation or even while they are growing up. I think it is weird they would even think about that name as an option.

I do not know that I would be mad, I think I would be more confused like "wtf?". I would definitely talk to your brother about it and see what his thoughts are.

browneyedgrl4282 · December 2010

The only time I would think this would be ok is if you both married a man with the same first name and wanted Jr or III but this being said I would a nickname for the other child named that .

Anyway, yes i would be angry! I would say something! There a MILLIONS of names out there and they have to pick the one you already have a child named?

kristennd · December 2010

I wouldn't be angry but I'd think they're totally deranged.

Your kid came first. The rest of the family is going to call their new son some sort of nickname to distinguish them no matter what the parents want. They may not yet realize this.

mrs.amandamm · December 2010

I would probably be annoyed, but there isn't anything you can do. I named my second a name similar to a name my sister "claimed" I don't believe in claiming, and if it is a name after a family member, especially, it is fair game.

metzy144 · December 2010

I wouldn't really worry about it. You used the name first so it just makes them look dumb to be using the same name. I don't care about using a name that a cousin or second cousin used, but I would never use the same name as a sibling did.

~CoCo~ · December 2010

M.Amy:

I would be upset especially since you say it is a small family. I would totally go the passive-aggressive route and say something to your SIL to make her think about the name differently. Something like how you understand why she chose that name because she she likes to copy you/looks up to you/respects you/is jealous and that now when you hear the name you will think about how much she (fill in the blank) you. But don't tell her not to use it.

Hopefully it will taint the name for her.

LOL- that's outstanding. I would be pissed. My brother and I are close enough that I'd just directly ask, "WTH, dude? The SAME name? Mom and Dad will have two Henrys as grandkids? You want to look that unoriginal?" BUT, if brother and SIL were dickish, as OP's seem to be, it would be hilarious to say:

"Oh, SIL, I'm so flattered that you look up to me so much that you're even copying my son's name for your own baby! That's such an interesting form of flattery, but I'm surprised you want your son to forever look like a little follower, or "the other Hank" just to show how much you admire me..."

No, no one "owns" a name, but it's odd.

Flupelo · December 2010

This. I get that no one "owns" a name too, but it's just so odd that out of all the names they could pick, they "randomly" choose the same one as your son! If your brother wasn't close to your grandfather, then I doubt that's why they went with it. Being in a small family myself, I can't imagine my brother and I having children with the same name unless we planned to call them something different!

still_a_bride · December 2010

I would be upset too! Try not to let this ruin your relationship with them though. At least you can take comfort in the fact that your son was named first and that it has a significant meaning. He will grow up knowing that's HIS name and that he's named after a great man.

Bella Moochie · January 2011

Thank you, still_a_br...

You are right, my son is named after a great man! Thank you for saying that. I guess I really need to focus on that. Great point!

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