Preemies
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Did anyone here seek help after your preemie was born?
Christakim
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in Preemies
I am really struggling with the fact that my twins were born early (33 weekers). I feel (and I know this is irrational) that I did this and there is nobody else to blame. I know what I would tell other people in this situation, but it seems like nobody can make me feel better about this.
I'm sure some of you ladies have been in this position before, so did you get help or deal with it yourself. The reason I'm hesitant is because I feel like nobody can say anything to make me feel better.
Ella- 8/22/08, Jules and Tuck- 12/15/10
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Re: Did anyone here seek help after your preemie was born?
I felt the exact same way. I was convinced that if I had been healthier leading up to getting pregnant that I wouldn't have had pre-e. I was sure that it was my fault that DS was low birth weight. My best friend had a 35 weeker who was almost 8lbs. Mine was 4 1/2. I was just sure this was because I did something wrong. I was obsessed with the idea that things weren't supposed to be this way. That things weren't perfect. I was supposed to have all of these friends and family surrounding me, excited to meet our new son and instead he was in the NICU on lockdown because of flu season and no one met him for weeks. And most not for months. I felt disappointed and alone.
And then I felt guilty because so many women here had babies born months early and I was so upset about a few weeks? I didn't feel like my feelings were justified. I just could not move on.
The truth is that I laid on my left side for weeks to keep my pressures down. I went to every appointment, followed every order, stayed through every hospital admission and suffered through the endless blood work. I did what I could do and the rest was out of my hands. And I realized that it isn't a competition to see who has the longest NICU stay and smallest preemie. It might not have been the most traumatic situation ever, but in my life it was the most traumatic to me.
For me this was a big part of my diagnosis with PPD. I felt like everything was my fault and no one could understand. I sought out therapy and a support group and found I wasn't alone. I ended up on meds for awhile too, but honestly talking to other people, feeling validated, helped me move on. It does get better, but it takes time. It goes faster when you feel supported and can get your thoughts out to other people who understand. There are other people who get it. I promise. You aren't alone.
Owen Matthew 11/1/2009 4lbs 10oz 16.5in
Born 5 weeks early by C/S | Severe Pre-Eclampsia
BFP #2 5/1/2011 | M/C @ 7 weeks | D&C 5/25/2011
TTC #2 | HSG Clear | SA 2% Morph otherwise great
3 failed Femara/TI cycles moving on to IUI
I just want to reiterate that most of us have felt this way; all of this is totally 'normal' for preemie moms. Normal does NOT mean "doesn't need therapy/intervention." Absolutely find other moms for support or a sensitive psychiatrist to work through your emotions. I've been able to heal through friendships with other preemie moms; if it continued to linger, I definitely would have sought professional help. :hugs: to all!
I am thankful and lucky that my preemie was just barely one at 36 weeks and only spent a few days in the NICU but I understand your feelings. My cervix was shorter than average from 22 weeks on and I was monitored for it but told not to change anything I was doing. I continued to go to work (teacher, so I stand up allll day) and go to the gym and I let myself get extremely stressed out by my boss instead of telling her to lay off. I often feel like these things combined led to my water breaking early and that if I had taken it easy and kept myself from stressing so much that my LO might have made it full term and avoided spending time alone in her bili tank without us. I also worry a lot that there will be other health repercussions that we don't know yet (even though I know that's not likely.) Because she's small and early our pedi has made it clear that her immune system is fragile and I worry a lot about getting her sick.
So, long story short, I can relate but have not gotten help. I talk to DH about it though and I would encourage you to talk to a professional if you think it would help you. Take care of yourself!
I feel the same way you do, I didn't get to see my baby for three days (as I would out for those days due to pre-e)...I cried the first time I saw my DD, b/c she was so tiny and had some many tubes and lines, and so many machines, I was so depressed, but my DH has been so supportive, he has asked me daily if I'm ok and that it wasn't my fault she was early, I just keep saying, it was, what did I do wrong...he said, nothing, it was all in God's hands now and that I just needed to be strong and faithful and He would take care of everything, so honestly my faith has gotten me through the past 15 days...hopefully DD will continue to do well and come home sooner than her due date, but not stressing if she can't...
Keep the faith!