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3rd Trimester
FutureMrsCaesar
member
No matter how bad you think your MIL is...
FutureMrsCaesar
member
...try to do your best to put up with her.
The day before Christmas my MIL had to be taken to the hospital because when she woke up her legs were completely numb. They found she had a massive tumor on her spine pushing on a nerve, causing the numbness. They operated immediately and found several other tumors on her spine that they weren't able to remove. We had to wait over the holidays to hear what was going on, which was really hard. We drove down (14 hrs) to see her the day after Christmas and have been here ever since. Today we just learned that it's cancer that has spread and is terminal and untreatable. She will be released from the hospital soon, but she's only 62 so Hospice isn't covered, we're trying to figure out a way to let her live out her remaining time while staying with family.
Obviously this came as a huge shock to everyone...she was being seen by an orthopedist for back pain but they had no idea this was causing any of it. DH lost is father 10 years ago to cancer, and now he's about to lose his mother too...all before 34. Can you imagine? I'm so sad for him and all his family.
Sorry to ramble on, I guess I needed to vent, I've been trying to be strong for DH and his family. I guess my only point was, even though I could go tit for tat with anyone's crazy MIL stories (and trust me I have some doozies), I'm really going to miss her and I wish she was going to be here to see her grandkids grow up. Try to have some patience with your MIL...even when they make it really hard.
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Re: No matter how bad you think your MIL is...
Oh no! I am so sorry for you and your family. I can't even imagine...
I am so sorry to hear you and your H are going through this. I am also very surprised to hear that there are limits on Hospice eligibility. I had no idea! I hope you all get something figured out so her last days are spent with family.
Yeah, I was suprised too. Apparently medicare covers hospice, so if she were 65, she'd be on Medicare and thus covered by hospice. Her insurance does provide for some similar kind of care, we just have to find out which agency we have to go through, etc. My DH was trying to get this worked out but his sister has power of attorney so she is the only one they will speak to. Hopefully it's going to get worked out.
Thanks everyone for all your kind wishes and support.
I am so sorry to hear this. I can understand how difficult this must be at this time. Last November DF lost his mother to lung cancer. She had only been diagnosed that June, and she was 56. DF was 26 and his little sister was 13.
Hopefully your H's sister can get something together in order to get her the assistance she needs. You might want to also ask the hospital what types of organizations provide help. A lot of times the various cancer organizations can be such a tremendous help, not only with day to day things but also support groups and such. Also, does she belong to a church group that could also offer help?
As much as people don't like to talk about it, please make sure she has her end of life planning in order. DF's grandmother and mother did not and it has been nothing but a mess.
Also, take this time to hear all of her stories that she has...maybe even videotape them so that your LO can hear them straight from her. We did that with DF's grandmother because she had some of the most amazing stories, and we wanted to capture as many as possible. I know this is such a hard thing to deal with, but if you need anything please let me know...
Concentrate on the good days and don't forget to celebrate what you do have right now. Take this time to make good memories. She deserves to have happiness at this time in her life.
I'm so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. You're all in my thoughts and prayers.
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You are so right. In a split second life can really change. I am trying to embrace my Hs family and even some of my own family members at the moment because you just never know.
I am really sorry that you guys are going thru this difficult time. T&Ps.
I'm so sorry to hear your family is going through this. I work as a hospice social worker and wanted to chime in because it seems you all have misinformation regarding hospice. Hospice is not only provided by Medicare. Many private insurances provide for hospice care as well. It would be best to call her policy directly and find out about hospice care. More and more, private insurances are providing hospice care in full once your deductible is met. Sometimes, there is a copay but often times, the hospice agency will waive your paying this copay and write it off. She most definitely is eligilbe for hospice care as long as the doctor states that her disease is terminal. One other option would be to call a local hospice directly and explain the situation. Let them do the leg work to see how to go about getting hospice care covered. They will be more than happy to do that - we often do for folks. It would be better than going through hospital. You can google the NHPCO and do a search for hospices in her area from that site.
GL and feel free to message me with any questions about hospice care.
DD - February 2011