Advice Please
butterflygrooves
member
I need some advice from you ladies.
I have an Aunt that I love dearly but she is one of those I'm-better-than-you/I-know-better-than-you type of people. I have two issues with her that I don't know how to address without her being offended.
1. She is married to an engineer who makes an absurd amount of money so she lives in luxury and likes to flaunt it. On my birthday she sent a bunch of video messages to my cell phone showing her new diamond necklace and ring, new sweater and shirt, new stack of Miss Me jeans, closet the size of my bedroom, etc while saying "Happy Birthday, don't you wish you had this?". I got really annoyed and replied that I had a bigger closet and that I would send her a video. I sent a video of my teeny tiny closet and the few clothes that are in it. She replied "that's it?!?" and I told her that that was my complete wardrobe which included only 3 pair of jeans. She didn't reply anymore after that.
She does this on a regular basis and I always reply sarcastically which stops her for the moment but doesn't last for long. What can I do to make her get it?
2. She was really supportive of J and I becoming foster parents until a few months ago. Her comments changed from supportive to rude and seeming like she has little confidence in us. When I called to let her know we were getting a respite placement she made a comment about how we need to get a second car before we take any placements because I'm going to be running around all day carting everyone everywhere. I told her we do just fine with one car and she made a snarky comment of "Oh so you can't afford a new car, I get it. Don't worry I know you guys are great parents".
Last night J posted on her FB "just figured out why baby is soooo fussy.... she is getting 2 more teeth! =D". My Aunt commented "Has she wore you out yet?" to which I made a quick reply of "nope".
Both J and I feel like she doesn't want us to be FP because she keeps making these little comments that I know are snarky. This is how my Aunt is but it's only been since marrying this guy (who ironically is really nice and down to earth).
I just want her comments to stop, not everybody needs to have gobs of money to care for foster children.
Please give me some advice before I stop speaking to her altogether.
Re: Advice Please
I think I am going to fail at this: "Please give me some advice before I stop speaking to her altogether. "
If she is not supportive of you and your family, and she is snarky and rude...why even invite that negativity into your life? You are doing a wonderful thing by fostering and the children certainly don't need any sort of negativity, and you don't need the stress she is adding.
If you really want to keep the relationship, perhaps a firmly and emotionally written letter detailing exactly how she has made you feel?
Good luck!!!!! I'm so sorry you are going through this!
TTC#1 since 2004
LGBT
4 cycles @ home with known donor - BFN
RE un-medicated IUI cycles # 1-7= BFN
NEW RE Clomid 50mg/ Ovidrel/ IUI #8 BFN
Took long break
Nov 2009 - Clomid 50mg/ Ovidrel/IUI #9 = BFP
Beta 12/4 - 10...Beta #2 12/7- 28 Beta #3 12/9 - 80!
1st sonogram 12/28 - slow hb and growth
m/c 1/1/2010 Courtland 8w0d
Nov 2010 cycle cancelled - polyp removal/hysteroscopy
April 4 2011 - IUI #10 BFFN
July 5, 2011 - #11 BFFN AMH .62 Boo
I hadn't spoken to her in years because of the negative impact my mom and that side of the family has had on me, I invited her back into my life about 2 years ago. If I cut her out, I will be out of touch with that whole side of the family again which I suppose isn't that big of a loss to me.
I think I will write that letter to her but I know it will prompt a call saying that she didn't mean anything the way I took it. She has a way of turning everything around when confronted.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
This is probably easier said than done but what about sitting down with her and being honest, face-to-face. Maybe ask to meet her for coffee and say something like, "I'm so happy for you and your DH. He is a wonderful guy and it's great that he can give you the life of luxury you deserve. My life is much different, but I'm so happy. I may not have the biggest closet or luxury car, but I get to foster wonderful children with my supportive DW. I know you're supportive of me, but sometimes your comments make me think otherwise. Because I'm not close to the rest of the family I value our relationship. Can I count on you to support me and the decisions in my life?"
I don't know.....I'm not very good at this stuff. I hate confrontation and run in the opposite direction at even the first hint of it.
Two - I hate confrontation as well and avoid it as much as possible. My Aunt lives in Kansas so there is no chance to sit down and talk, it will either be through a letter or a phone call. My concern with speaking directly to her is that she will twist things around to her benefit, making me feel like I'm in the wrong.
J actually replied to her comment on FB and called her out about it. My Aunt then proceeded to call J 7 times and text her 3 times and call me 3 times to say that she hadn't meant anything by her comment and that we took it wrong. Her exact words were " I just asked if you guys were having fun with her, that's all... Sorry if you took it the wrong way. Maybe I should put a smiley face after my comments so you know how I'm saying them."
J and I stared at each other in disbelief after listening to that voicemail. Her exact comment on J's FB status was "Has she wore you out yet?", not anything at all related to us having fun with CB.
I'm going to email her today and ask her not to call me out of respect for our relationship, I just need to let her know how I feel.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts