Family issue -anyone else feel this way

MoFree · December 2010

Does anyone else feel that because they have no children their status in the family is diminished? No one has said so in those words, but the feelings comes across loud and clear to me.

It was nice seeing my 2 nephews and niece on Christmas day, having the traditional meal with family but now 3 days later I'm done. My mother and I discussed going downtown to the Art Institute or shopping and to a nice restaurant for lunch. My sister and niece live with my parents and although my niece goes to daycare, last night my mother decided that she would prefer to spend her time off with her 2 year old grandchild, whom she sees every day, than with her daughter (me), who lives out of town and has not visited since April. I don't want to compete with someone in diapers, but it really, really made me angry and envious. She didn't ask me if that's what I wanted and there is no reason for my niece not to go to her program, just my mother thought that's what I would want. WTF. I can't wait to get home and next time I'm staying in a hotel downtown and just comng for the day to visit.

kyna81 · December 2010

Sometimes I feel this way. My mom always goes to my brother's for Christmas because of the girls, etc.

You have every right to be upset. I would go downtown and to lunch tomorrow anyway and leave her there with the kid. I know you wanted to spend time with her, but I wouldn't let her choice stop me from doing what I wanted. I would just say,"I was really hoping you would go with me so we could spend some time together, but I'm going to go downtown tomorrow anyway."

jaminjeff · December 2010

Not terribly, but I notice it more with my family than DH's since we do have his 16 y/o son. I feel like my parents are tired of waiting for grandkids from me at times and they want to put all their time and energy into their older grandkids (16 y/o - 25 y/o) and their great grandchild (2 y/o). I don't have a specific example, but I can tell you this is how I feel, maybe it's all in my head, maybe not.

MoFree · December 2010

kyna81:

Sometimes I feel this way. My mom always goes to my brother's for Christmas because of the girls, etc.

You have every right to be upset. I would go downtown and to lunch tomorrow anyway and leave her there with the kid. I know you wanted to spend time with her, but I wouldn't let her choice stop me from doing what I wanted. I would just say,"I was really hoping you would go with me so we could spend some time together, but I'm going to go downtown tomorrow anyway."

Actually I'm going in a little later, going to a movie and to a nice restaurant. Not first choice and not something I'm totally comfortable with, but better than staying home and stewing.

orange1414 · December 2010

((hugs)) We have this issue with DH's family. His brother has a little girl, and thus all family get-togethers revolve around them. It's sort of like they are the "real" family and we're just expected to be ok with being disregarded, second-class members.

gervaisj6 · December 2010

yes, I totally do.

FabulousMrs.P · December 2010

Sometimes...a few years ago ILs had a family party. They took pictures of all the other "families" with their kids and just never took a picture of hubby and myself. I guess we aren't a family if we don't have kids. It really upset me at the time...not that someone didn't take our pictures, but that we didn't count as a family in their eyes.

Nwlywed07 · December 2010

We have that problem with EVERY holiday. My SIL has two kids and we always have to do whatever they (my SIL, BIL and kids) want to do because it's "more work for them." It's totally my MIL's doing though. I told DH that I was not going to keep doing whatever they wanted after we have kids. Oh and just because their is no baby at our house doesn't mean that we are not just as important : (

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · December 2010

MH and I both feel this way. My IL's will visit my SIL who has a child at least once a month, but have only come to our house twice in 5 years. When MH asked them about it, his dad told him that if he wanted them to visit more often, he should have a kid.

etoyama · December 2010

Ugh I am so sorry. I don't blame u for feeling angry - I would too! ((hugs))

ginogomermisser · December 2010

Totally!!!! My mother and father moved to the other side of the state to be closer to my sister. They said they would like to be closer to the grandkids. Due to my work schedule, I will probably never be able to spend Christmas with them until the grandkids are older(they are only 7 and 9). Society is so judgmental that it is a shame family has to be included in that category!!!!!!

NicoleeBonsai · December 2010

YES! i totally get this. i am an only child, but my DH is the youngest of three. each of his siblings has three children, and they definitely get priority over us.

one of my favorite stories:

when we were first married and living in los angeles, we planned a trip east to visit the family for passover. at this time, we had two nephews and one niece.

we were on our way to the airport in LA and we called MIL, who says "A (her oldest grandchild) uses your room whenever he sleeps over here. since they are staying here the first night of your visit, A will be using your bedroom and you and Nicole can have the pullout couch in the basement." ummmmm hellz no!

that is just an off the top of my head example of the favoritism of grandchildren bearers over us

sorry, i know it sucks. one day we will have babies and we will be the recipients of all this favoritism too

SeptemberBride'08 · December 2010

My mom does a lot of these things. She always seems to defer to my two nephews whom she sees at least once a week. Then when I try to make plans with her and something comes up with the boys...she jumps and cancels on me. I've told her many times how much this hurts me and I don't like it.

mikeandangie · December 2010

I am really sorry you guys are going through this, it sounds very frustrating. (((hugs))). This is one of the (few) reasons that I am glad both DH and I are only children.

meganroselee · December 2010

MoFree:

Does anyone else feel that because they have no children their status in the family is diminished? No one has said so in those words, but the feelings comes across loud and clear to me.

This is so true. I told my husband this and he told me that I was being overly sensitive...

RFBsbride · December 2010

Abso-friggin-lutely!

I am my parents' only living child and I'm not close with my small extended family at all, so we don't get it from my parents at all, but I feel it from my in-laws often. I don't think they make us feel this way on purpose, but it still hurts.

I have 2 nieces (3 yrs and 3 months) and they are all anyone is really interested in. I've told DH a couple of times that if we didn't go to his parents' house for the holidays, no one would even notice (he doesn't agree.)

The worst is at Christmas... it's always been a tradition in DH's family that one of the men dresses up like Santa and surprises all the younger kids. Well, his cousin who tries to run everything says it "has" to be one of the men without kids otherwise the kids will know who it is. Last year - after two failed IVF cycles and a lost job - DH's cousin told DH it was "his turn to be Santa." I couldn't bear to watch DH paint on a smile and have each of his little cousins sit on his lap, so I stepped in and said absolutely not - he wasn't going to be Santa anymore. His cousin actually started in with "C'mon, it's tradition and it's his turn. Once there's kids, you'll be taken out of the rotation." But DH refused and said he was taking himself out of the rotation.

It sux.

deputysgirl · December 2010

I completely understand! It's frustrating to feel jealous of a little one, but my DH and I do. DH's brother has a daughter, but DH's parents are actually raising her for the most part. Well... everything is about her. EVERYTHING. And in some ways it should be... but we live 10 hours away and see them 1 or maybe 2 times a year. It would be nice if they would actually let DH's brother care for his own daughter just for a day and spend a little time with just us. They won't.. They won't travel down here because of her either. It's really really frustrating. Take care of yourself!!

Want a personalized experience?

Family issue -anyone else feel this way

Re: Family issue -anyone else feel this way

Choose Another Board

Search Boards