NY Times Article On IF/Surrogacy

patchen30 · December 2010

https://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/30/magazine/30Surrogate-t.html

I'm curious to know what you ladies think of this. This article disturbed me b/c it made my mind wander...this lady used a surrogate even though there was no reason she couldn't physically carry a baby (no uterine scarring, malformations, etc.). She just couldn't get/stay pg.

It seems like this is something celebs do a lot but it isn't something "normal" people do often at all. Of all the years I've been on this board I've only seen one or two people use a surrogate.

Yes I'm sure it's partly financial, but it's definitely more than that. My RE said that 90% of the time it's the embryo it's the problem. It seems like very few REs recommend surrogacy.

What are your thoughts? Do you think this lady just happened to get lucky and finally one embryo stuck and it happened to be the surrogacy cycle? Although they mention that one of her m/c came back as having nothing wrong genetically w/ the baby, they don't mention what happened w/ the other 3 m/cs.

Have you ever discussed surrogacy w/ your Dr.?

kthappy76 · December 2010

I hope you don't mind me responding, I remember reading this when it first came out (we'd just started TTC). I don't judge her at all for using a surrogate, people have certainly done it for lessor reasons. She admits that it was their last desperate shot after having so many m/c, though she caught a lot of flack for how class was portrayed in the article (mostly from ppl who know nothing about IF).

I think the biggest thing with surrogacy is cost (which wasn't an issue for her), and it's very legally complicated. I agree it's usually the embryo, rather than the uterus, but you never know, and by having someone carry who's done it before successfully, you remove that variable. It's also appealing as you can have a bio child (or not) and you have more control than with adoption.

FYI: she got pg (on her own) and carried to term a healthy baby just a year after her first son (in the article) was born via the surrogate.

LaneCA · December 2010

It's hard to say if it is was just luck that the last embryo worked w/ the surrogate, but the article did say she went through 11 IVFs, and about 4 miscarriages over 5 years. I wish they went into it more if she had immune/thrombophilia testing done...but they really don't give you a clear answer as to 'why' she kept miscarrying and experiencing implantation failure. And maybe a 'why' was never figured out? Or pursued? But, it definitely makes you wonder.

Personally, I believe in immune-related implantation failure and miscarriages. And I feel like this is definitely one of my own issues, so surrogacy has crossed my mind. My RE has never mentioned it to me, but I'm just so scared that if IVF fails, they will tell me this is my only option ?

LaneCA · December 2010

kthappy76:
FYI: she got pg (on her own) and carried to term a healthy baby just a year after her first son (in the article) was born via the surrogate.

Wow - that is interesting! Thanks for the info ?

patchen30 · December 2010

LaneCA:
kthappy76:

FYI: she got pg (on her own) and carried to term a healthy baby just a year after her first son (in the article) was born via the surrogate.

Wow - that is interesting! Thanks for the info

That is crazy. It makes me wonder even more if her surrogacy cycle just happened to be THE cycle that she found the right embryo.

MoFree · December 2010

I had previously read that article, as it was from 2008. My feeling, and this is just mine and does not mean that it doesn't work for other parties, but the idea of surrogacy makes me uncomfortable. It reminds me too much of Margaret Atwood's Handmaid's Tale, of a class of wealthy women hiring servants to carry their babies. I know this is an exaggeration and that's not the case for most surrogacies, but I find the entire concept troubling.

patchen30 · December 2010

I should clarify - I didn't mean that surrogacy bothered me for any ethical reason - I just meant that this confuses me b/c they never found any reason why she'd need a surrogate yet it worked for her. It makes me wonder if a surrogate would be the answer to my prayers.

hollymichael · December 2010

patchen30:
I should clarify - I didn't mean that surrogacy bothered me for any ethical reason - I just meant that this confuses me b/c they never found any reason why she'd need a surrogate yet it worked for her. It makes me wonder if a surrogate would be the answer to my prayers.

I find this interesting/confusing as well. My guess is that she just got lucky with the right embryo, especially since she later had a successful pregnancy.

They found that your m/c was a chromosome issue, correct? So, my guess is that you don't have a RPL problem where a surrogate would really make a difference. I do think it is a good sign that you did get pregnant this last time. So, hopefully this next time you will have the right embryo and all will go well.

SLPMel · December 2010

I would think about using a surrogate. One of my BFF's has offered after this last IVF cycle-she gets pregnant easily and has had two very easy pregnancies. With my history of Endo and Hashimoto's-we'll never truly know if I am having implantation issues or what. If I did the rest of my insurance covered IUI's and IVF's and they didn't work, we would think about doing it.

SeptemberBride'08 · December 2010

I thought the article was interesting. I think that after 11 IVF's and several miscarriages I would be looking into adoption or surrogacy as well. I would definitely feel like those would be my only options at that point.

I'm not against surrogacy and if I can't have a child on my own I may look into it as much as I'm looking into adoption. I also wish that there was more information on her dx and whatever info she had on the reasons why she had so many failed IVF's.

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