4 1/2wks old DH wants to let them cry themselves to sleep

Kelli&Jed · December 2010

DH is constantly trying to get the boys to cry themselves to sleep. It's driving me crazy especially since I'm the one that has to comfort both of them. I'm not the type to pick them up every time they start to fuss but I don't think that 4 1/2 week old babies should be crying themselves to sleep. Am I wrong?

s.s.girl · December 2010

No you're not wrong at 4 weeks old they should not cry themselves to sleep. I know how hard and frustrating it can be in the beginning weeks but they can't and won't cry themselves to sleep at this age.

Kelli&Jed · December 2010

s.s.girl:
No you're not wrong at 4 weeks old they should not cry themselves to sleep. I know how hard and frustrating it can be in the beginning weeks but they can't and won't cry themselves to sleep at this age.

Thank you. I keep telling thim this but he doesn't believe me.

monkski · December 2010

get him a book. Guys seem to do better when they can learn about it themselves. Healthy Sleep habits, happy twins is a good one and it explains the ages and what is best for CIO and gives you some choices of methods. At this age, they definitely shouldn't cry it out and need to know that their needs are going to be met by their parents when they cry.

SoldiersGreenBean · December 2010

I agree with monkski. Point him directly to the research (which means you'll have to do it first).

jamie217 · December 2010

I agree with having him research...and if he's too lazy to do that (like my H) bring it up at their next check up.

OrangeSmoke · December 2010

Your DH must be exhusted! But pp is right, 4 weeks is way too early for CIO. I think most books recomend you wait until 4 to 6 months.

Hang in there, those early days are so tough on you and your dh. There is an end!!!!

macchiatto · December 2010

You are correct. If he doesn't believe you, you can look it up in pretty much any infant-care book or website and show him. The earliest I've heard an "expert" recommend any CIO or sleep training is 16w (HSHHC), my pedi said at 4m "It's OK to let them cry a little," and most people say no earlier than 6m.

LakeGenevaBride · December 2010

My DH was the same way. We finally compromised by putting a time limit to the crying. I agreed that 5 mins was OK. That seemed to help us.

I<3MYHUSBAND · December 2010

They don't know how to self sooth at this point, like everything else it is a learned developmental stage. Most say they can start doing it at 4-6 months. At this point crying is the way they tell you they need something, and want that answered. Have him google it.

gumiberg · December 2010

their brains are barely developed. they dont understand cause and effect - they are not crying to manipulate you. they are crying because they are scared, or because their under-developed digestive system hurt their tummies. because they need to be held.

tell your DH to imagine being in a nice, safe environment - like the womb - and then all of a sudden brought into this crazy world. wouldnt he be scared at 4 weeks old? they dont understand ANYTHING. likewise, if you dont tend to them when they cry, they dont understand why.

good luck,
i hear about this situation a lot on these boards. this is just a stage - re-discuss it with him in a few months.

amanda31H · December 2010

Yep, yep, yep. I agree about pointing him to the research. My DH didn't read anything, so whenever we discussed what our "method" would be for something, I'd have to hand him the book, or show him the website. It was usually pretty easy after that.

Funny...because when I was pregnant he finished When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, etc. even before I did! I think maybe after all the pregnancy information he was done!

Rangergal9 · December 2010

My DH had a hard time with not being able to let them CIO since he is so used to older DD who we just let cry. He basically forgot that they cant CIO at such a young age. It was also hard for him to adjust to having infants again and he was easily frustrated with them. Once we sat down and talked about it and I told him how he was upsetting me with how he was treating the twins he changed. He didn't realized how he was acting. Good luck!! And like others mentioned definitely point him towards a book... Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins, or Happiest Baby on the Block (I actually liked this one better).

Haven1 · December 2010

Aww, I'd never have been able to let them cry that young. I can barely do it now at 5.5m when they are beyond exhausted.

Chickandtaco · December 2010

No, no, no. Never heard of letting them cry it out before 6 months. I agree, tell him to do some research. It won't take him long to see that he's wrong!

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