I went to my RE today to check my fluid levels for OHSS. Ultrasound showed no more free fluid in my stomach, only in my pelvic region. The u/s lady said my lining is thick, which is a really good pregnancy sign. She also said everyone who has come in with OHSS to the clinic turn out pregnant. So, RE takes me off Lovenox (blood thinner shots that hurt like a mutha funker) and says I am improving and if I'm pregnant, the symptoms will come back. All good new, right?
Now I am freaking out because everything I have read about OHSS says it'll get worse if you're pregnant, better if you're not. So now I'm freaking out that I'm not pregnant. I know, it's early. I know, I'm being crazy, but disappointment smacked me upside the head yet again.
I have been through hell these past 18 months TTC. I just want it to be over and have a baby in my arms next year. I was so hopeful befrore today and now feel like I'm going to have an emotional breakdown. I don't know how I'll handle it if I'm not pregnant. My husband's cousin announced yesterday that she is pregnant with her third . It took everything in me not to cry in fron of everyone. I can't handle the waiting anymore. I took a dollar store test just 15 minutes ago. I don't know why. It's not FMU and I drink so much damn Gatorade due to OHSS, I pee like every 10 minutes. But it was negative and all these emotions of seeing countless negative pregnancy tests came flooding back. I just want to cry but K will see me and I can't let him know I'm upset. I hate this. Eff you infertility!