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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
mrsgail
member
Question about visitors from 3rd tri
mrsgail
member
How did you handle out of town guests in your first week home from the hospital? I want to put my foot down and say no one can stay at my house for the first week or two but I don't want to hurt DH's or the in-laws feelings. What did you do? TIA!!!
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Re: Question about visitors from 3rd tri
My mom was planning on coming down for the first 2 weeks after Piper's arrival and I DID NOT want her to. I ended up having a c-section (totally unplanned) and honestly could not have done the first few nights w/o her. I didn't need help with the baby, I needed help with myself. I was beached on the couch for 3 solid days and w/o her cooking, cleaning etc, I would have been eating the couch cushions. She kept up with laundry, dishes, and basic cleaning, it was completely amazing! That being said, unless you think that your in-laws are going to be just as helpful, I would say no. The couple of days after your home are pretty ugly. Your boobs are leaking all over your shirt, your uncomfortable nursing in general, much less in front of your FIL, your an emotional reck, it's just a good time to be around only people you are very comfortable with.
My dad has been in town for the past few days, he is staying in a hotel, but coming over during the day and I can't wait for him to leave every night. For the same reasons: I want to be able to walk around in a tank top and yoga pants, and pull my boob out whenever LO wants it. I also feel like I have to entertain/cook for him, and I just don't feel up to it. It also doesn't give you an opportunity to rest when the baby rests if you constantly have people over.
I don't mean to sound like a downer, but I really just can't wait until my dad leaves, and it can just be me and baby and H.
But like I said, if your MIL is going to take over the house hold things, and if you feel comfortable around them, enough to nurse, leak, cry, etc, then maybe it will be okay.
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It's not that I don't want help, I just fear having to entertain and accommodate out of town guests in my house while being an emotional and leaky wreck. Plus I want that to be a special time with me, LO, and DH while he has only a few days to take off work.
I agree that I could not have managed without the help of my family, especially my mother. She did absolutely everything for me. I agree with the others. The first few days are *so* hard. You need people around who don't care what you look like, what your house looks like, and who just want to do anything they can for you.
Guests are another story though. For reasons that are unknown to me, before DD was born, I invited a bunch of family over for Halloween. That was 3 weeks after her birth. Entertaining, even then, was way too much for me to handle. All I wanted to do was stand in the kitchen all day, away from everyone. I never would have made it if my mother hadn't come over the day before and cleaned my house and helped me the entire day of the party. If you think you are going to have to entertain your guests, I would say no, even though it's hard to do. But you should absolutely have people who are going to help you with whatever it is you might need.
This, I dont know what I wouldve done without my mother (a)When I was on bedrest for help with my older kiddos and (b) the past 2 weeks for help with laundry, dishes, etc.
My opinion on the subject is that if its you or DHs parents, they wont (or shouldnt) expect you to entertain them. Honestly, my daughter is 2 weeks old now, and since I EBF, she is usually either eating or napping so my family members hold her MAYBE once a day. The rest of the day they are helping with the older boys, dishes, laundry, and general picking up....Its FANTASTIC!!
I thought the same thing about my in-laws coming in town - I talked with my MIL when they were getting ready to leave because I felt like I didn't spend much time with them, but then again I was exhausted and slept every time the baby slept - She said, "Trust me I didn't expect for you to entertain us, I knew you just had a baby. We were just here to see her anyway"
Don't worry about entertianing. The only thing you should be worrying about is you and the LO - everything else can be left up to DH or to the people themselves. TRUST ME!
This is exactly how I felt when I had LO.. and I still felt that way after DD was born. I hated every second that FIL was there (but that's mostly because he's a self-centered jerk who spent more time in a bar than with his new grand baby). You need to do whatever makes you more comfortable. When I look back on the days right after DD was born, rather than having fond memories, I remember being stressed out and angry that my FIL was rearranging my house while I was in the hospital and walking into the room without knocking, even though he knew I might be breast feeding... even after DH b*tched him out.
If it's someone who will be helping and not adding stress, maybe... but otherwise, I'd politely tell them no.
My husband was AWESOME and all the help I needed. He cooked and cleaned and did laundry. He brought me ice water everytime I sat down to nurse the baby. He changed diapers and was just amazing. You need a person like this around. If your husband is not able to take off work or just not so helpful, you should accept somoeone's help. (Some DH's just don't know what to do or are a little freaked out-I am not implying they are lousy husbands). But NO WAY should you have anyone even visiting for an hour that you cannot be 100% your unwashed self around. I have banned any sleep over guests and I am still not ready to have them overnight.
I hope all goes well for you! Congrats on your soon to be baby!