If anyone is here I need help.

babyluv617 · December 2010

It takes a lot for me to ask for help. I'm learning this.

Bug only wants bottles. I have been battling terrible supply issues since Sept. I got to the point where he was back to solely BFing. Now he's taking formula again and mostly just formula. He doesn't want to nurse. I'm on my period so having a huge dip in supply. I know there's not much there & he doesn't even try. It's killing me!

I'm on fenugreek. I'm pumping as much as I can (which right now is not enough). Stressed for the holidays bc I don't want to cook xmas dinner but DH wanted to so we're hosting. There will be 20+ people here.

Plus DH & I are having issues & I'm having issues & I am just breaking down. The BFing thing is just the icing on the cake. =( He absolutely refuses, screaming & pushing me away. I don't want it to be over but I have no fight in me right now.

Any thoughts?

susangilchrist · December 2010

I'm probably going to be flamed for this, but oh well. I'm very pro-breastfeeding. I think you have 3 choices. 1. Give him formula and keep pumping for awhile until you feel more confident and have the energy to make him nurse. 2. Go with the bottle. It sounds like you have a ton going on, and no one could fault you for not trying. 3. Put the bottles away completely and be prepared for a huge fight until he decides he's hungry enough to nurse. We had to do this once early on when LO had a nursing strike. It was rough, but worked.

Hang in there!

jennterrell · December 2010

I'm sorry. It sounds like you need to give yourself a break somehow. Since DH wanted to do dinner, I say let him take charge. Is there something he can cook well? Or send him to the store to get some things from the deli counter or frozen section, something you can just put in your dishes, pop in the oven, and be done.

The stress of the holidays is not going to help your supply issues, so just try to relax. I know you have been fighting your low supply for a while, and I'm just in awe that you have made it so far. If you are stressed, LO is not going to be into BFing if he can get milk more quickly and easily from a bottle. Maybe try again when you are more relaxed. Get your snuggles in by reading to him or rocking and singing or something not BF related.

I have a hard time at the holidays each year too. Today is the first day in at least a week that I haven't bawled my eyes out (yet!) and I'm afraid I'm going to be a big mess tomorrow when I should be all cheerful.

nsees · December 2010

I'm so sorry you're so stressed out for so many different reasons. Thats obviously not the way you want to spend your holidays. I think all of PP suggestions are great ones. Being that it's Christmas and you have your period and consequently a dip in supply, I would keep trying to pump and give him the formula or BM for the next two days. Then Sunday when life is calmer, I would re-evaluate and make a clear headed decision of where you want to go from here.

(((((hugs))))))

Joes_love · December 2010

first off- it's okay if you need to give it up. i know you're battling with things, and the stress just makes it that much harder. if it's less of a fight for all of you, formula's not going to kill him.

second- if DH wanted to make xmas dinner, then he should be making it. it's not something he can decide on and then throw at you- your main priority is making sure your family is happy, and clearly if you're already stressed out, you're not happy and the boys can sense that.

third- lots and lots and lots of hugs. i know how hard it is to ask for help. you're doing a great job with both of those boys, don't ever doubt that for one second.

englishviola · December 2010

Hugs!! The holidays -- on top of everything else -- can be so stressful.

Something I try to remember is this: never quit on your worst day. That's helped me from making some decisions I might have regretted. I like pp's advice to just get through the next couple of days and reevaluate on Sunday.

Whatever you decide -- it'll be the right thing for you.

Sassy_Cassie · December 2010

Joes_love:
first off- it's okay if you need to give it up. i know you're battling with things, and the stress just makes it that much harder. if it's less of a fight for all of you, formula's not going to kill him.
second- if DH wanted to make xmas dinner, then he should be making it. it's not something he can decide on and then throw at you- your main priority is making sure your family is happy, and clearly if you're already stressed out, you're not happy and the boys can sense that.
third- lots and lots and lots of hugs. i know how hard it is to ask for help. you're doing a great job with both of those boys, don't ever doubt that for one second.

blissfully_caffeinated · December 2010

I'm so sorry! ::hugs::

I agree that you have 3 options - keep trying but continue to have him eat mostly formula, stop trying and give him formula, or take a nursing vacation (just nurse, nurse, nurse!) and stop offering bottles all together. Could you maybe keep trying at the moment but then once Christmas is over take a nursing vacation?

I know how hopeless, frustrating, and painful it is to have a baby who doesn't want to nurse. I don't think there's anything I can say that will help you with that. All I can say is that it does get better! Ds is 8 months old and I am still pumping. It's not the way I wanted it to be but it is as good as we can get it right now. He gets some formula too. I don't like that he gets formula but for him to get just breastmilk would break us. So this is good for us. It works. Sometimes it doesn't work. That's okay too. What is important is that you're both healthy and (relatively) happy. If you need to stop breast feeding to be happy then I say do it. If you need to keep breastfeeding to be happy then you should do that.

Can you put the issues between you and Dh on the back burner for today and tomorrow? I would try focusing on the most immediate task. Do things one at a time. Can you pair down your menu? Maybe pick up some sides at the grocery store instead of making them from scratch?

Hang in there mama!

luvlieK · December 2010

Some babies are just ready at 9/10 months to stop BFing. Try not to stress about it. Even though its hard. There are plenty of other ways to bond and provide for him. At this point, I would just cross it off my list of things to stress about.

nsees · December 2010

luvlieK:
Some babies are just ready at 9/10 months to stop BFing. Try not to stress about it. Even though its hard. There are plenty of other ways to bond and provide for him. At this point, I would just cross it off my list of things to stress about.

I COMPLETELY agree with this. It is the same time that Eli self-weaned. I know many people would say that they don't self-wean at that age but I would have to disagree. Every child is unique.

Hope your day is getting better!

FutureMrsLemon · December 2010

((hugs)) mama. I totally, totally understand where you are coming from. We unfortunately have had to supplement with formula since a very early age. I have never produced enough. Pumping the most I have ever gotten was 10oz and that is with the maximum amount of Domperidone. I just finished weaning myself off of the Domperidone so I expect my supply to dip even lower soon. Plus I can only pump twice during the workday which is terrible for keeping up any kind of supply. DS absolutely REFUSED to nurse beginning at 3 months old. He had figured out that a bottle is easier. So he would kick and scream like I was torturing him anytime I tried to nurse him. I also think he could feel how stressed I was (I was working to get my supply up and my PPD was pretty bad at that point). Around 6 months he picked up nursing again like it was second nature. The biggest change I could figure out was that we had figured out how to side-lie nurse. So I nursed him in the morning in bed, and at night before sleep and weekends before naps. But just a few weeks ago (close to 9 months old) he has again started screaming and thrashing when I try to nurse him. So for now I am just pumping and giving him a bottle. I figure I will try again and see if he changes his mind. At this point I really just want to make it to a year. If I can do that I will be extremely proud of myself since I sincerely thought I would give up at 3 months. Have you considered ppd? I was seeing a therapist for it and my primary "issue" was breastfeeding and how much of a failure I feel like for not being able to EBF. It didnt help much and now I am on medication. Its helping quite a lot. Just something to consider. I guess this isnt very helpful, but what I would suggest is to just pump and give it to him in a bottle unless you want to do a nursing vacation. Either choice is good and you have to do what is best for both you and DS. I know how stressful it is to feel like your are a) being rejected by your child and b) forcing him to do something he absolutely doesnt want to do. Dont do anything drastic now, I like the saying "dont quit on your worst day." Give it a few days and mull it over and pump. Then you can always do a nursing vacation if you decide you can handle it. Big, huge ((hugs)).

aspade · December 2010

nsees:
luvlieK:
Some babies are just ready at 9/10 months to stop BFing. Try not to stress about it. Even though its hard. There are plenty of other ways to bond and provide for him. At this point, I would just cross it off my list of things to stress about.
I COMPLETELY agree with this. It is the same time that Eli self-weaned. I know many people would say that they don't self-wean at that age but I would have to disagree. Every child is unique.
Hope your day is getting better!

This is true but very, very rare that a child will completely self-wean this early. However, in the 9-10 month range a lot of infants will have temporary nursing strikes (let's not forget that babyluv is under a lot of stress and having supply issues--and he's learned that the bottle is easier) and mothers often mistake the strike for self-weaning.

Normal self-weaning is a gradual process, not an overnight cold turkey stopping. DD too had a nursing strike at 10 months and I was beside myself. Lots of physical things can be going on for the baby (for DD it was a sore throat that I didn't realize she had, and I think it hurt to swallow--followed by pretty awful congestion). There could be bad teething pain, an earache, a headache, etc. The stress you feel over your supply can make nursing tense for your LO.

I don't think, babyluv, that you should beat yourself up over the current state of things. If your intention and basic desire is to keep nursing, then keep offering the breast (try to do it with minimal distractions and with plenty of snuggling). It might be best at nighttime (can you co-sleep?). Keep pumping when he refuses. Nursing is the best thing to keep your supply up, followed by pumping. The fenugreek probably isn't doing much, honestly, though it doesn't hurt to take it.

I agree that it's probably best not to make any rash decisions at holiday time. Ultimately breast milk is the best thing for your LO, but any breastmilk is better than none--that includes past a year, when the amount of antibodies in your milk actually increases (as nursing frequency and amount goes down). So supplementing with a little formula for a few months isn't terrible as long as he's getting some milk, too, and soon you'll be at that year point and able to drop the formula altogether. I think you'll feel freer when nursing is all bonus/ icing on the cake instead of his main source of food.

I think sometimes all nursing mothers forget that there are more advantages to nursing than just nourishment. We give our babies such comfort and peace and love with our breasts. In other words, it's a mothering tool, perhaps our finest. For this reason, I don't want you to stop and for your LO to miss out.

This too shall pass, as I hear so often from more experienced mothers.

I hope the hosting can go smoothly and quickly and that you can enjoy the holiday with your family.

lytedark · December 2010

the other posters have all given great suggestions, so i just want to add my own *hugs* to the mix. you are a wonderful person and an amazing mother to those boys.

i hope your holiday hosting goes well. and perhaps some icy hot undies in your dh's stocking are in order? :-) merry christmas, sweetie.

*hugs*

babyluv617 · December 2010

Thanks, everyone. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas as well.

I'm not completely giving up but I am giving in to the bottle a bit to ease some stress.

And the issues with DH are pretty all consuming right now. It really sucks, but I'm at the darkest place in my life/marriage right now. =(

Thanks for all the well wishes. Off to pump.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

nsees · December 2010

aspade:
nsees:

luvlieK:
Some babies are just ready at 9/10 months to stop BFing. Try not to stress about it. Even though its hard. There are plenty of other ways to bond and provide for him. At this point, I would just cross it off my list of things to stress about.

I COMPLETELY agree with this. It is the same time that Eli self-weaned. I know many people would say that they don't self-wean at that age but I would have to disagree. Every child is unique.

Hope your day is getting better!

This is true but very, very rare that a child will completely self-wean this early. However, in the 9-10 month range a lot of infants will have temporary nursing strikes (let's not forget that babyluv is under a lot of stress and having supply issues--and he's learned that the bottle is easier) and mothers often mistake the strike for self-weaning.

Normal self-weaning is a gradual process, not an overnight cold turkey stopping. DD too had a nursing strike at 10 months and I was beside myself. Lots of physical things can be going on for the baby (for DD it was a sore throat that I didn't realize she had, and I think it hurt to swallow--followed by pretty awful congestion). There could be bad teething pain, an earache, a headache, etc. The stress you feel over your supply can make nursing tense for your LO.

I don't think, babyluv, that you should beat yourself up over the current state of things. If your intention and basic desire is to keep nursing, then keep offering the breast (try to do it with minimal distractions and with plenty of snuggling). It might be best at nighttime (can you co-sleep?). Keep pumping when he refuses. Nursing is the best thing to keep your supply up, followed by pumping. The fenugreek probably isn't doing much, honestly, though it doesn't hurt to take it.

I agree that it's probably best not to make any rash decisions at holiday time. Ultimately breast milk is the best thing for your LO, but any breastmilk is better than none--that includes past a year, when the amount of antibodies in your milk actually increases (as nursing frequency and amount goes down). So supplementing with a little formula for a few months isn't terrible as long as he's getting some milk, too, and soon you'll be at that year point and able to drop the formula altogether. I think you'll feel freer when nursing is all bonus/ icing on the cake instead of his main source of food.

I think sometimes all nursing mothers forget that there are more advantages to nursing than just nourishment. We give our babies such comfort and peace and love with our breasts. In other words, it's a mothering tool, perhaps our finest. For this reason, I don't want you to stop and for your LO to miss out.

This too shall pass, as I hear so often from more experienced mothers.

I hope the hosting can go smoothly and quickly and that you can enjoy the holiday with your family.

Well with Eli it was a gradual process...down to two and then one and then complete refusal so I guess it wasn't a strike then.

nsees · December 2010

babyluv617:

Thanks, everyone. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas as well.

I'm not completely giving up but I am giving in to the bottle a bit to ease some stress.

And the issues with DH are pretty all consuming right now. It really sucks, but I'm at the darkest place in my life/marriage right now. =(

Thanks for all the well wishes. Off to pump.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Bless your heart. I wish I could give you a IRL hug.

DH and I have certainly been there. The worst was after Eli was born and we're just getting over our second really big bump in the road post-Evan...trying to make our way to reconnecting and getting back on track. Adding children to our family has certainly tested our relationship in a major way. I know I barely know you but if you ever want to talk or just vent, I can most likely relate and I can listen. nsees81 @ gmail.com or message me on FB.

I hope that you're able to have a good Christmas tomorrow. Try to just focus on your beautiful boys. (I think your decision to pump for a bit is a good one.)

babyluv617 · December 2010

nsees:
babyluv617:

Thanks, everyone. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas as well.

I'm not completely giving up but I am giving in to the bottle a bit to ease some stress.

And the issues with DH are pretty all consuming right now. It really sucks, but I'm at the darkest place in my life/marriage right now. =(

Thanks for all the well wishes. Off to pump.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Bless your heart. I wish I could give you a IRL hug.

DH and I have certainly been there. The worst was after Eli was born and we're just getting over our second really big bump in the road post-Evan...trying to make our way to reconnecting and getting back on track. Adding children to our family has certainly tested our relationship in a major way. I know I barely know you but if you ever want to talk or just vent, I can most likely relate and I can listen. nsees81 @ gmail.com or message me on FB.

I hope that you're able to have a good Christmas tomorrow. Try to just focus on your beautiful boys. (I think your decision to pump for a bit is a good one.)

Thank you, nsees. I just might do that.

And Bug has been somewhat gradual in this as well. He's also teething & has an ear infection so I know those things don't help. Hoping next week is better for him & me.

Dobie_Mama · December 2010

I have no advice, but lots of squeezes for you. I'm also here if you ever need an ear. I might not have answers, but I'm a good listener.

I hope today has gone smoothly for you guys and you're enjoying Christmas!

Genevieved · December 2010

babyluv617:
nsees:
babyluv617:

Thanks, everyone. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas as well.

I'm not completely giving up but I am giving in to the bottle a bit to ease some stress.

And the issues with DH are pretty all consuming right now. It really sucks, but I'm at the darkest place in my life/marriage right now. =(

Thanks for all the well wishes. Off to pump.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Bless your heart. I wish I could give you a IRL hug.

DH and I have certainly been there. The worst was after Eli was born and we're just getting over our second really big bump in the road post-Evan...trying to make our way to reconnecting and getting back on track. Adding children to our family has certainly tested our relationship in a major way. I know I barely know you but if you ever want to talk or just vent, I can most likely relate and I can listen. nsees81 @ gmail.com or message me on FB.

I hope that you're able to have a good Christmas tomorrow. Try to just focus on your beautiful boys. (I think your decision to pump for a bit is a good one.)
Thank you, nsees. I just might do that.
And Bug has been somewhat gradual in this as well. He's also teething & has an ear infection so I know those things don't help. Hoping next week is better for him & me.

I know I'm a little late to reply. But first off Hugs Hugs Hugs.

2nd I think give you LO sometime to feel better before trying to force the issue to nurse due to the ear infection. It may hurt him right now to suck more to get the BM from you.

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