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UPDATE: Eeek, need help talking with toddler re: weaning
So, I really need to wean my 2 year old....My RE didn't realize I was still BFing him (even though I don't make nearly as much as I used to), and I've been taking DHEA, and I double checked with them re: BFing today when they called me with the results of my first 2 weeks of taking it, and they reacted quickly that I need to quit taking the DHEA asap and/or wean DS asap. I've been ready for a month or two, and as I'm 41 I'm running low on time to TTC#2, so weaning is the right decision.
We've been working on weaning, snuggling instead of drinking mommy milk, but it's not been overly successful. He's super verbal, and I really need something tell him, to understand, something I can talk with him about when we are just sitting, talking, and that I can reiterate when he's crying for it at night. He gets the word "yucky" but he won't believe me and I hate to see him cry, but I might have to. Help? What can I tell him to make him not *want* mommy milk so much? Do you think he could understand mommy is trying to make a new baby brother or sister for him? He repeats everything and I'm not cool with MIL or my mom being in the loop on our advanced-age TTC activities. I'm still willing to go in and snuggle and sleep with him at 4-5am when he wakes up for mommy milk, but I really have to stop feeding him, asap, really 2 weeks ago.
Help?
I'll probably XP on the BFing board at some point, but I really trust you ladies to have the same life orientation as I do, and I've never even lurked on that board.
UPDATE: This afternoon, when we got back from a museum exhibit (King Tut), he asked for Mommy Milk, and I told him that mommy had had to take some medicine that was making her milk yucky, and I couldn't let him drink it now. Honestly, we both had a nice cry together. I told him we could snuggle, cuddle, read, sing, talk, laugh, look at pictures on my phone, and that calmed him down. Then he came up with, "When mommy's milk is all better, I can drink it again." And (partly against my better judgment, but partly thinking it would work out), I agreed. So tonight, we did bedtime routine as usual, but I had to say over and over, pretty much exactly what Bliss said plus hugs and kisses, and about 50% of the time he repeated what I quoted from him above, and we got through, though I was in with him 2 hours instead of 1. I think we'll get through it. I am halfway tempted to give him one more good nurse during his 4-6am wakeup, because our last one was cut short this morning (circumstances out of our control) and I'd hate to have that be our last session. But I think I need to be strong. Maybe we'll get another one if/after we get pg and I can stop the DHEA.
Part of the trick is I feel like this has to be a FAST, emergency wean. The nurse was *horrified* when she realized we were BFing. I know I asked the RE if he thought the fact that we still nurse 2x/day M-F and 3x on S/S could be affecting my issues, and he thought about it and said not for what my issues are, as I'm ovulating. I just think he didn't note it formally.
I know it's not a *natural* way to go about it, but I just can't beat myself up for weaning him before he *wants* to, I mean, he's over 24 and a half months old, it's not like I'm throwing in the towel before hitting the 6 month, 12 month, 18 month, or even 24 month mark, and I hate that I'm feeling guilty, when he wasn't asking to nurse more than 2x a day on weekdays when I work, but if he had me to himself all day on weekends, he'd ask 6+ times a day on top of those 2x, so it was more of a way of relating to me than a physical need. So I feel much better about finding other ways to meet that psychological need anyway.
Thanks so much for all of your quick feedback!
Now I'm off to start worrying about what I've done to him by nursing him with DHEA in my milk for 2 weeks (as the nurse said, at least he's a boy....).
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Re: UPDATE: Eeek, need help talking with toddler re: weaning
This is just my opinion but I would definitely NOT relate weaning to him to making a new brother/sister. I was always super, super careful to not make any negative associations whatsoever about a new baby to DS#1. Even when I was sick for months with morning sickness I made sure NO ONE mentioned the new baby being the cause for mommy not feeling good, etc.
How does he respond to him being a big boy? This is a way for him to be more of a big boy... to only drink milk from a cup. Only little babies need mommy's milk (not that thats necessarily true of course but for your purposes) and he's big and strong and doesn't need it anymore. My DS always responded well to rewards so what about a reward chart? Every day/night that he doesn't need the milk, he gets a sticker and then after a week he gets a big prize that he can pick out or that you know he wants, etc. It sounds like you're doing great with explaining and snuggling, etc.
GL!!!
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)
Eeep, thanks, you guys, I totally didn't think about not associating it with the new baby, was just listening to what the nurse at the RE office said when my first reaction was, how the heck am I going to do that?
Thanks, you guys!
The big boy thing is tricky. He was responding great to it, and now he's in a phase in which he thinks it's super fun to "'tend" he's a baby. He wants me to carry him laid out, he says goo goo (which he never even did as a baby), and has regressed on PLing.
BUT. We had a breakthrough yesterday in talking about giving him stickers as a reward, leading up to new books at milestones. He was wicked excited. So maybe we need to go get him some posterboard (or can I do it in his sticker book) and make charts for PLing and not drinking mommy milk.
Maybe this will result in me actually sleeping more and not needing the DHEA in the first place.....
So, Papa, I see your DH wasn't graceful in weaning, but how was your DS? Hee. (I mostly laugh because I almost typed DH several times when I meant DS in my own post).
I would try to work on one at a time, the weaning being the most important right now due to the DHEA. If you're already well into PLing, I wouldn't stop, but I would focus the reward chart system on the weaning right now or there might be some confusion for him as well as added resistance. Once he's been weaned for a few weeks, if he's still having PLing trouble than I would use the chart system for that as well.
I'd go for a reward chart too. I'd also be straight up with him about it while leaving out the fact that you're trying to have another baby. Just say "Hey Ds. I know you really want mommy's milk. I really want to give you mommy's milk. Unfortunately, right now I'm taking some medicine that makes it icky. I still love you. I'd be happy to cuddle, read you a book, sing to you, etc."
Good luck! Hopefully you get a sweet sticky baby soon!
Since babies self-wean gradually, cutting one nursing session at a time, trying suddenly to go cold turkey with him probably isn't going to cut it. (A toddler can't be rational about what probably still feels very much like a need to him.)
How many times was he nursing to begin with? Just a few times a day? During the day, I'd try distracting him with anything else, esp. solid food or a sippy cup with a straw (so he gets the sucking in still). Before nap or bedtime is probably going to be the hardest if he's used to nursing to sleep--those will probably be the last to go. The middle of the night is probably best suited to your hubby attending to him. If he's co-sleeping, there's a great gentle weaning system for co-sleeping families posted on Dr. Gordon's website--you might try googling it. It supposedly only takes 3 nights. I'd try dropping the nighttime (he doesn't need to eat then anymore--he probably just is used to the comfort) and the daytime feedings first, one after the other, then the pre-nap and bedtime nursings.
There are some good online resources about weaning (try kellymom.com) as well as good IRL resources (you could go to a local La Leche League meeting or call a LLL leader).
And after you're pregnant with number 2, you and he could still enjoy nursing, so long as you're not in a lot of pain.
Good luck!
Does he know what medicine is? Can you just tell him your milk has medicine in it that's not good for him but that Mommy needs?
O pretty much weaned himself, but we had done some things before that to make it less integral to his routine (doing bath, nurse, THEN story, so nursing wasn't the last thing before bed, for instance. Sending DH in to snuggle with him at night instead of me, etc.)
Dose your DS get upset when you snuggle with him or will he calm down? If he doesn't calm down you may need to snuggle for a short while and leave him for a few mins and after about 5 mins go back in. Keep doing this until he calms down with you in there. He will soon realize snuggles with you is better than nothing.
Each time you go in to snuggle if he is asking for mama's milk you can remind him you cannot give it to him. I would also offer him milk or water in a cup if he will take it.
Good Luck