leaving a 2.5-3 mnth old?

spritz · December 2010

I'm a visitor from 3rd tri. Some very good friends of ours are getting married 2.5-3 mnths after our baby will be born. We were there when they got engaged, and we really want to be there for their wedding. It is a destination wedding, so it will be in Mexico. From where we live, that's a 2.5 hr flight. We would go for 3 nights. My in-laws, who I totally trust, have agreed/are really excited to take care of dd. I was hesitant to go, but dh sees no reason we shouldn't. We have trip insurance, so we can cancel up until the last minute. My sil is a lawyer, so we have all the paperwork filled out for temporary power of atty for my inlaws, in case it would be needed. As moms of babies this age, what do you think? Am I crazy to even consider?

ETA: This doesn't change the situation, but the trip also falls over our 5 yr anniversary. It's the same place we went to on our hm.

KatieC06 · December 2010

Are you planning on breastfeeding? That may make it difficult.

Personally, I have a hard time leaving my DS for even a few hours. But that's my own anxiety. I firmly believe it's good to get away.

I say, play it by ear. If you feel good enough to do it......do it.

erless22 · December 2010

I think it's a totally personal decision. My DD is 10 weeks and I have a hard time leaving her for a night out (5-6 hours) even with my parents, who I obviously totally trust. That may be just me, but I think they're just so little at that age.

Also, as much as she coos for my husband, my sister and my mother, it is so obvious she knows who Mom is - we are just the center of their universe at this age (especially if you are EBF, as I am). I couldn't imagine being away from her for 3 days...

The reason I responded to your post though is because I never thought I'd be like this when I was still pregnant. I totally prided myself on not being "that mom", who can't leave her kid. Now, on the other side (and with my LO the age yours will be when you leave), it's a WHOLE different ballgame.

Hope that helps, and don't want to discourage you, but just thought I'd share my perspective....

JBrianne · December 2010

Why would you cancel? If, at the last minute, you decide you can't leave LO, just take her with you! I mean it may cramp your partying styles a little bit but if I were you, I'd rather have the vacation than not, even if I decided to have a baby in tow.

spritz · December 2010

erless22:
The reason I responded to your post though is because I never thought I'd be like this when I was still pregnant. I totally prided myself on not being "that mom", who can't leave her kid. Now, on the other side (and with my LO the age yours will be when you leave), it's a WHOLE different ballgame.

Hope that helps, and don't want to discourage you, but just thought I'd share my perspective....

I appreciate your post. I have been wondering how I will feel when dd arrives. I have a feeling it will be totally different than now.

searcy7 · December 2010

I would say if you are ok with it then go for it you may find that you will call home to checck on her all of the time. We did and our oldest was a year and a half the first time we left her over night and for a weekend with anyone.

ETyorkin · December 2010

Oh, well I wouldn't. I'm overly protective, but I wouldn't leave the country...or even the state and leave my baby. I personally don't let my MIL babysit for even 2 hours, but that's just me! See how it goes, if you have the insurance anyway.

SuperThat1006 · December 2010

I was actually just talking about this with someone the other day.

When you are pregnant, you think of all these things that will be "no big deal" and then you have the baby and can't even fathom doing those things.

I have no issue leaving DD with my parents or my MIL. I work full time and love being at work. But leaving her home for three nights (and she is the same age you are speaking of) while I went on vacation is something I wouldn't be ready for right now. I would probably want to take her with us.

KristaNbHam · December 2010

I want to encourage you to go. I was also worried about not being "that mom" who can't leave their baby, and it turns out that I'm not. I am perfectly fine leaving DD with anyone who I feel is responsible enough to watch her because they are perfectly responsible. If you EBF, you can pump and save in advance and have plenty of milk frozen to accommodate your LO while you're gone, and you can take a pump with you. Not every woman becomes a crazy obsessive mother. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but I couldn't imagine not having time by myself or time away from her with my DH. Those who give up their lives and relationships for their children often don't know what to do with themselves when their children no longer need them, and giving up time with with DH because you can't leave your baby is how many marriages fall apart. Make some memories! I hope this helps!

Chrissy1019 · December 2010

There's no way I could do that. I have a hard time leaving him for an hr with DH to get my hair done or go to the store. And I'm constantly calling while I'm gone to make sure he's ok. I think that may be more difficult for you than you think.

CinemaGoddess · December 2010

We're leaving the girls with my parents next week so we can get a break and go out on NYE. They're staying from Thursday evening until Saturday morning.

I feel no guilt or hesitation. I see it as a way for my parents to bond with the girls and it gives DH and I some well-needed rest.

I agree with PP that it might be difficult if you breastfeed, though.

cori514 · December 2010

KristaNbHam:
I want to encourage you to go. I was also worried about not being "that mom" who can't leave their baby, and it turns out that I'm not. I am perfectly fine leaving DD with anyone who I feel is responsible enough to watch her because they are perfectly responsible. If you EBF, you can pump and save in advance and have plenty of milk frozen to accommodate your LO while you're gone, and you can take a pump with you. Not every woman becomes a crazy obsessive mother. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but I couldn't imagine not having time by myself or time away from her with my DH. Those who give up their lives and relationships for their children often don't know what to do with themselves when their children no longer need them, and giving up time with with DH because you can't leave your baby is how many marriages fall apart. Make some memories! I hope this helps!

This. We are going on a cruise next week and will be gone for 4 days. I know it will be hard, but we need this. My mom is flying in from Cali to take care of her and I know my mom cant wait! I think it is important for your marriage to take time to yourselves as well as giving my mom that bonding time with DD. I have plenty of pumped milk already frozen and I will have to pump on the boat. I say go for it!

You also might try a test run before you go. We left DD with MIL for the night last weekend just to see how we feel leaving her overnight. She did fine and so did we.

kcisthebombdotcom · December 2010

I could have never in a million years left DS at that age for 3 days. Even at his age now, I am dreading going into the hospital to have LO #2 and being apart from him for that long and I'll get to see him a few hours a day.

However, with that being said, many moms can do it and I don't think moms that can are crazy. Everyone's different. You're just going to have to see how you personally handle it. It's good that you have the insurance just in case you're not ready.

Carilyn · December 2010

I would book it and then see how you feel when the time comes, if you can get your money back. There is no way to know what your recovery is going to be like. Physically, you should be fine by then, but you might not be fine emotionally. I had PPD after my first, and a little bit this time too. The idea of leaving my DD right now almost gives me a pannik attack.

I had low supply issues with DS, so if you BF, that could possibly be an issue. Not everyone could have a freezer full of milk by then or would be able to keep up a supply EPing for a few days away from babe. I know my anxiety about losing my breast milk and about being so far away would make the trip not worth the money or time.

I know DD would be fine with my ILs or parents (though she is currently refusing to take a bottle!), but my mind would constantly wander to things like the plane crashing, or getting stuck in Mexico, etc (all probably completely irrational, but the PP mind can be crazy sometimes). Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is there is no possible way for you to know now what you'll feel like then. Hormones do crazy things and everyone is different.

BeerBeck · December 2010

cori514:

KristaNbHam:
I want to encourage you to go. I was also worried about not being "that mom" who can't leave their baby, and it turns out that I'm not. I am perfectly fine leaving DD with anyone who I feel is responsible enough to watch her because they are perfectly responsible. If you EBF, you can pump and save in advance and have plenty of milk frozen to accommodate your LO while you're gone, and you can take a pump with you. Not every woman becomes a crazy obsessive mother. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but I couldn't imagine not having time by myself or time away from her with my DH. Those who give up their lives and relationships for their children often don't know what to do with themselves when their children no longer need them, and giving up time with with DH because you can't leave your baby is how many marriages fall apart. Make some memories! I hope this helps!

This. We are going on a cruise next week and will be gone for 4 days. I know it will be hard, but we need this. My mom is flying in from Cali to take care of her and I know my mom cant wait! I think it is important for your marriage to take time to yourselves as well as giving my mom that bonding time with DD. I have plenty of pumped milk already frozen and I will have to pump on the boat. I say go for it!

You also might try a test run before you go. We left DD with MIL for the night last weekend just to see how we feel leaving her overnight. She did fine and so did we.

This!

Lynn07 · December 2010

Wait and see how you feel, but it could be awesome to go! Over the first year of DS1's life, we've left him for a night with grandparents a few times, and he did fine. But I'll be honest, I'd have a hard time leaving for multiple nights when he was that age. But every mom is different, and unlike you, we don't trust either of our sets of parents for more than one or two nights at a time.

Another option to consider would be to take your LO with you. We traveled a lot when DS1 was young, and it was actually easier the younger he was (meaning from 2 months on). When he was 3 months, we took a 2 hr flight to Palm Springs and stayed there for 4 nights. It was still easy to adjust his routine, and he wasn't as aware of his surroundings so as long as we made the hotel like home (noise machine, still swaddled, etc) he was perfect. Obviously this would depend on your LO personality, but just wanted to offer another option.

BeerBeck · December 2010

Also, why couldn't you bring the baby along?

My husband and I are bringing our daughter to an all inclusive, leaving on the 5th. She will be 3 months old.

Honestly, if you are that uncomfortable leaving her, it might be something to look into.

JessD437 · December 2010

I don't think this is the kind of decision you could make before the baby is born. You could feel completely different when she is 3 months old than you feel now. I wouldn't commit to anything right now.

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