NIFR: I feel so guilty

madelyn07 · December 2010

DH and I decided not to go home for Christmas this year. I'm from Minnesota and he's from Iowa and we currently live in Alabama. Every year it is just so, so stressful to travel up there for the holidays. My dad lives 6 hours north of DH's parents so we are always driving back and forth between the two to hit all of the parties to make everyone happy. The roads are always bad. We've never made the 6 hour trip in less than 12 hours of drive time this time of the year and we've always ended up in some crappy hotel half way between the two because the interstate is closed. It just isn't fun for DH and I. While we enjoy seeing our families, we are constantly stressed. No one else makes any effort to see us (like his aunt and uncle refusing to drive from their home to DH's mom's house--2 hours away--to see us last year after we spent 16 hours driving down from MN) and we are tired of it. It is our vacation, too.

But I feel so, so guilty about it. I know it is breaking my dad's heart. And I just got the mail and there was a Christmas card from him and he wrote how much he misses having us home..how it doesn't feel like Christmas at all...how much he loves us. And I burst into tears. I feel like such a horrible daughter. I'm being so selfish. I don't want to deal with the stress, the travel, the bad weather. I didn't want to risk getting stuck up there with our up coming IVF appointments. And now I'm ruining my dad's Christmas. I suck.

jamielynnohio · December 2010

HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR DAD! I think I remember you saying not to long ago that you ended up telling your dad about IF. If that's the case, I think he probably understands you not wanting to be stuck away with all of your upcoming appointments. Maybe you could Skype?

cogbot · December 2010

I'm sorry your having rough time , but try not to feel too bad. This is my first Christmas away from my mother and I know it is hard on her. (She is with my sister and her family in PA.) At some point Christmas routines have to change. I think it is completely reasonable for you to stay home this Christmas. I hope you get to feeling better and you and your hubby get some much needed down time.

Edwina.McDunnough · December 2010

I agree with cogbot and hope that the break refreshes you both.

dolphinsmakemesmile · December 2010

Oh hon. That completely sucks. DH and I run back and forth between our parents houses. But, we live like 10 min. away from each. Now, I feel bad for complaining since I know how stressed out we get and it's not even a fraction of what you endure. I told DH this is the last year we are doing it. It is too stressful and we never relax and no one is ever satisfied (it's like oh, you have to leave already?--after we've been there for hours). I look at it this way, when we have a baby, no way will we be driving around all over and taking the baby in and out in the freezing cold. For you it's even more true, when you have a baby, you certainly can't risk getting stuck in the middle of a blizzard traveling. I know it's hard, but you need to do what's right for you, DH, and your future baby. In this case, it sounds like resting up and getting ready for your IVF. ((HUGS))

LaneCA · December 2010

Try not to feel bad, sweetie. You are not ruining anyone's Christmas!! It DOES sound like a true headache with all of the travel. Just know that this year is unique w/ IVF coming up...and hopefully next year everyone can be together. I hope you and your DH have a very, very relaxing and guilt-free holiday --- you deserve it!

SunMoon&Stars · December 2010

Oh, I know exactly how you feel! My family is in PA, his is in FL, and we live in middle GA. Last Christmas we flew to PA and spent a fortune airfare and hotel. This year, we spent so much money on this cycle and my divorced brother doesn't have his kids this weekend anyway...... but that didn't stop brother from calling to tell me nephew wants to know why I'm not coming home. Spent the last two Thanksgivings in FL......No one EVER wants to come to GA and visit us. I hope that changes next year when, God willing, our child is here.

MSaksa · December 2010

So sorry you're feeling guilty but you are completely justified for your reasons to not travel! DH and I have similar situations..I'm from Texas, he's from Ohio and we live in South Dakota. It is always stressful traveling during this time of year because of the roads/weather as well and nobody makes an effort to see us either

You don't suck!! Hope you enjoy a stress free holiday with DH! There are plenty of other times to see family!! ((BIG HUGS))

babylove0511 · December 2010

((BIGGEST OF HUGS)) you don't suck at all. there comes a time in life where routines and traditions must change. you and your DH should not feel bad for not wanting to drive that many hours in bad weather. maybe your dad can come to you next year?

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