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Did you mother's career choice influence yours?
This is something I am struggling with lately and I am curious what all you other mommies and mommy to be think/feel.
My mom has been a SAHM since I was born (yes, I am 30 and my sister is 29 so I guess she is a SAHW now). Before I was born, she taught 4th grade. My sister and I loved having her home, it was really nice to have her there when we got home from school, not have to worry about if we got sick calling her at work, etc. I guess I never really gave much thought to what I would do when I had kids when I was growing up, I guess I assumed I would be like her and SAH.
Well, SAH is not an option for us right now, financially, and I am very blessed to be able to WAH half days. But lately I have been so unmotivated work wise and starting to get unhappy with my job, career, etc. But the thing is, there is not any job or career that excites me now other than staying at home with Ashley (and future babies when we have them) which is just not an option at this point.
So I am wondering if my mother's choice to SAH with us has really influenced me and if I would feel differently about work if she had worked while I was young (or even when I got in middle or high school) and had been more career oriented. I have worked really hard to get where I am in my career and there are some aspects I really enjoy, but to me, being with Ashley is more important than my career (and the work I have put into it, etc).
So what about you all? Did your mom SAH or work outside of the home? Do you think what she did has influenced what you are doing/will do? Do you love what you do or given the choice would you SAH?
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Re: Did you mother's career choice influence yours?
I also want to add that when my mom was working, we always stayed at someone's house, like a SAHM in the neighborhood. I was never in daycare. But my mom LOVES hearing stories about Eli's days in daycare and all that he does. She even told me today that she didn't realize how great daycare was and if she could have afforded it she would have had us in daycare, because he's getting to experience so many more things than kids at home do.
(which is not necessarily entirely true, I'm not trying to bash SAHMs, but you get what I mean)
My Mom was a SAH Mom until I went to school (I was the youngest). ?She really didn't influence my choice at all. ?I do choose to work, but it is mainly like Vivian said - the job is hard to come by and I would never get the opportunity to do so again, so I am sticking with it.
I am not sure I would SAH full time anyway, maybe if I lost my job and my only option was to be away all day then I might - I don't feel like I am the best at entertaining DD ALL day and she loves "cool" and playing with her friends. ?
Take this FWIW because obviously I'm not a Mom yet.
My Mom was a SAHM until I was maybe in the third or fourth grade. She went back to work because it was what would benefit our family the most at that time -- we needed the money. The job she took wasn't in her original career field, and it wasn't exactly a career advancer. But she liked the people, the pay was good and it was a flexible, family-friendly employer. She continued working at this job for quite some time even after our family would have been okay going back to one income. I suspect it was because by that time she liked to get out of the house and enjoyed the people she worked with.
I think one thing her situaion taught me was that being a SAHM is a privilege, not a right. (Sorry if that sounds harsh -- I've been talking to a friend who seems to be of the mindset lately that SAHM is her right, even though her family could definiely use the money she could bring in if she went back to her professional job, so I've kind of been thinking about this topic.)
I think my Mom's experience influenced me in that I'd like to keep working part time when our child arrives, and possibly go back to full time during his or her school years. My Mom wasn't able to go back to her original career because she'd taken too many years off to SAH with me and my two older siblings. I'd rather not be put in her same or a similar situation, so I see working part time as a way to keep up my skills and stay in the game so I, and my family, always have options.
In addition, I will share one thing that my Dad taught me about family and careers. It is possible to make a dramatic career shift mid-life if you plan accordingly and have a spouse who is100% on board and willing to step up.
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My mom stayed at home with us until I was about 9 or 10. At that time, she got a job and she's been working ever since.
I have always thought that it'd be nice to be a SAHM because I loved being home with my mom. It was also great to come home from school and have her there with a snack ready for us.
I feel like I had a very spoiled childhood, having my mom at home.
On the other hand, my parents were BROKE when I was growing up. They really struggled to get by on just my dad's salary. They had 1 car, so my mom was stuck at home with 3 children all day (at least during the summers when there was no school). To make ends meet, my mom kept some other kids in the neighborhood and she also sewed for a few people. My parents also gardened and canned/froze everything to help save money.
Looking back, I really respect my parents' decision to have my mom stay home and I am amazed at all they did to get by! Growing up, it was hard to deal with friends who had more money and who got brand name things, etc. Instead of being proud that my mom made some of my clothes, I was embarrassed.
So... I think that feeling like I didn't have all the "things" I wanted as a child, has influenced me to work and it has influenced me to possibly only have 1 child. However, I don't know that we could ever live on DH's salary alone, as long as he's teaching.... at least not in the Raleigh area, so being a SAHM probably would never be an option for me.
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Thanks for all the great responses, I love seeing how everyone else feels.
I guess I am just struggling with my relationship with my mom, she does not seem to realize how darn lucky she was/is to be able to stay at home, I think she looks at it the way your friend does murph, that it was her right. I have tried to explain to her time and time again that she is lucky and very few people have the option to stay at home as long as she did/does. And very good insight Mikey, maybe I do feel the way I do b/c she did not work and I have not experienced the other side (having a working mom). Hmm, lots for me to think about.
My mom stayed at home with me and my brother until my brother went to school (2 yr younger than me). Ironically, I didn't know this until she told me this year -- I had always thought she worked when we were younger because I have a crappy memory and only recall her working when I was in elementary and beyond. I don't think her decision to work or not work has influenced my decision. It has helped me feel that it's ok that I'm working and that DD will still grow up to be a wonderful woman even though I worked. I do have the added advantage that I work from home so I get to spend some time with her every day.
Ideally though I'd like to be a SAHM or at least work part-time. Unfortunately, it is not possilbe given our finances -- DH and I don't want to be strapped.
My mom was an elementary school teacher until I was about 4. Then she quit and hasn't worked since. She did do things to make some extra money when I was growing up, like being a crossing guard and sewing flags for people. I did love having my mom home and I always figured I'd be a SAHM.
I didn't realize how hard it would be to SAH though- and I know it only gets way harder from here! I always feel so guilty saying that, b/c I know I am so lucky to be able to stay home, but it's true. If I found the right thing, I wouldn't rule out working in the future, but I think I'd still only do part time b/c even though it can be difficult, I love being at home with Maddie.
I think it's important to accept that there are so many ways to raise a happy, healthy child though. Everyone just has to figure out what works best for their family.
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