To be or not to be.....a BUM (pls don't flame)

MissSunny42 · December 2010

H's good friend is having an Xmas party tonight. He is 27, single, and a little wild. I used to love his xmas party every year, it is always a great time. But this year I am 38 wks pregnant and the last place I want to be is in the middle of a huge party with drunken people everywhere! H really wants to go, and he really wants me to go with him. I really don't want to go, but I feel like a bum because all I do lately is sit on my couch. I can't even imagine getting dressed and ready to go to this thing. To make this way worse, I don't want him to go either....I KNOW how selfish it sounds, but I feel like it is unfair for him to go out and party tonight while I am huge, pregnant and uncomfortable at home all alone...

I haven't told him that I don't want him to go yet, because I know he wont if I ask him not to, but I feel like a MEGA b!tch. Comments? Advice?

hjk5000 · December 2010

Meh, I wouldn't want to go either but I'd let him go.

frostyprincess24 · December 2010

Don't feel bad for not wanting to go or for him to not go either. I would just explain that you would be uncomfortable if you went and if he has to go without you, then ask him to keep himself under control. Ask him how he would feel if he went, got drunk and then you went into labor and he couldn't help out or get you to the hospital. I've had a few of these moments, where I felt bad for making DH leave somewhere before he was ready, but I got over it shortly after and I know that deep down DH truly understands that I am not doing it to be a b!tch or be mean.

bella11011 · December 2010

I can totally understand how you feel - I wouldn't want to go either. In the past, I've done one of two things in this situation.

1) I suck it up and let him go. But, I have him set me up with take out, ice cream and a chick flick.

2) I sweetly and guiltily present my case. He stayed home with me the one time I did this, but I felt kinda guilty. (I wasn't pregnant when this happened, but suffering from the flu - and I still didn't want to be alone!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

kknapp25 · December 2010

I know what you mean, and I luckily have a very understanding husband. On Monday night we went to a Christmas Party (I was 38wks) and I just asked DH that we don't stay long...I'd worked a 9hr day, barely had a moment to run home, and hadn't eaten dinner...it was just snacks at this party. I went just so DH would have some company & so that we could see some of our friends for a bit before we're tied down for a while. Could you & your DH maybe compromise...he only has a drink or two & you guys don't stay long??

izzourclue · December 2010

kknapp25:
I know what you mean, and I luckily have a very understanding husband. On Monday night we went to a Christmas Party (I was 38wks) and I just asked DH that we don't stay long...I'd worked a 9hr day, barely had a moment to run home, and hadn't eaten dinner...it was just snacks at this party. I went just so DH would have some company & so that we could see some of our friends for a bit before we're tied down for a while. Could you & your DH maybe compromise...he only has a drink or two & you guys don't stay long??

I was going to suggest this. You may feel better once you get out, DH gets to make an appearance, but you both understand that its going to be a short stay ahead of time. I understand not wanting to go and not wanting DH to go. I've been resentful of my DH just because he can sleep and I can't. New low for me. However, at this point the more up and about you are, the quicker your body will get ready for labor. So any excuse to get your butt up walking and off the couch at this point is good for you.

IncogNeato · December 2010

I won't flame. Sounds reasonable to me. If you do let him go, though, I'd set a two drink maximum. We out that rule into play once I hit 35 weeks, actually. I told DH that at any given moment he needed to be safe to drive me to the hospital. He didn't object.

Good thing, too, since I went into labor at 36 weeks!

RedZee · December 2010

I probably wouldn't go because it's been hard to get around and I just can't be bothered. That said, if you do go, you'll probably have a good time and it's probably the last, or one of the last, times you can go out and not need a babysitter or need to be home by a certain time.

I wouldn't tell H not to go. I'd just say exactly what you said here. You'd rather be with him, but you don't want to stop him from going out either because you think it's unfair. Then he'll make a decision.

mamaprof · December 2010

I can understand not wanting to go out this far into pregnancy but I let my DH make his own decisions about going out or not; he's a big boy and can make those decisions himself. I would say (and I did to my DH yesterday when he went out to meet some friends) to please keep his phone nearby in case I needed a ride to the hospital.

ABizzity · December 2010

bella11011:

1) I suck it up and let him go. But, I have him set me up with take out, ice cream and a chick flick.

That! I wouldnt want to go either. I would also make sure he promises to get a safe ride home or call a cab so you dont have to worry about him.

MissSunny42 · December 2010

Thanks Ladies! I am not going to go, I am way to tired and having pain in my back. But DH is going, he said he would stay home with me, but I told him that he should go. He works so hard and spends EVERY night, at home, on the couch with me. lets hope I don't go into labor tonight!

MrsCPeck · December 2010

I consider myself to be one of the most flexible wives in the world. I never ever ask my husband to skip events or outings, etc. because I believe having a social life that doesn't revolve around just the two of us is extremely important. HOWEVER.....the last month of pregnancy is a whole different ball game. I'm 38 weeks and my husband wouldn't leave my side at this point for anything!! I think he realizes the toll that pregnancy takes on we women and just how scott-free the men get off! HA HA It's ONE Christmas party and you are NOT being selfish for asking him to stay with you. (And of course, I certainly understand why YOU don't want to go!!! I would rather die than do that at this point!) And listen, we ALL feel like bums during the last month. All I've done is sit around, eat everything in sight and watch the Tivo. And guess what? My hubby is bringing the food to me and sitting right next to me, even though I know he's bored out of his head. It's a show of support. I bet if you leveled with your hubby he'd totally surprise you.

Good luck and hang in there.

KeyRyn320 · December 2010

kknapp25:
I know what you mean, and I luckily have a very understanding husband. On Monday night we went to a Christmas Party (I was 38wks) and I just asked DH that we don't stay long...I'd worked a 9hr day, barely had a moment to run home, and hadn't eaten dinner...it was just snacks at this party. I went just so DH would have some company & so that we could see some of our friends for a bit before we're tied down for a while. Could you & your DH maybe compromise...he only has a drink or two & you guys don't stay long??

This exactly. The last Christmas party we went to, we didn't stay out very long and he had maybe 3 drinks. He then dropped me off at home and he went out with some friends later. It was a win-win for us both.