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Please don't tell me how to feel (VENT)

mkwtmkwt member
in TTC After a Loss

Let me Preface this and say that I miscarried very early on (7wks) and I have read so many of the stories on here of later losses that just bring me to tears.  I feel that a loss at any stage is hard.

I spoke with Aunt today, she asked how I was feeling, I said okay physically, but emotionally I still have up and down days.  (it has been a month since my D&C).  She proceeds to tell me that is was Gods way, it was better this way, etc.  I agreed and said yes, I am blessed that I was not later on in pregnancy or loss of child.  I told her that I did not want to come over there tommorrow, she has a brand new granddaughter, but I was going to put on my happy face and muster thru.  She then proceeded to tell me that she does not understand why I am not over the emotional part yet, and having a negative attitudes makes things worse.  Really, really, well guess what dear Aunt, I have the right to feel how ever in the world I want to feel, if I want to be angry I can be, if I want to cry all day I can, if I want to be just a tiny bit bitter, well guess what that is okay too! 

Sorry this so long, but I did not need this drama today.  I called DH and told him about it, and he just said sorry honey. 

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Re: Please don't tell me how to feel (VENT)

  • Jo&Matt6609Jo&Matt6609
    Ugh! Big hugs to you! I'm sorry your aunt is like that. She's probably never had a miscarriage/preganancy loss, so therefore has no idea how it feels. And if she has, then shame on her. It's just ignorance. I guess the best thing to do is to just ignore her, telling yourself that what she is saying is crap, heartless and she doesn't know any better. You're allowed to be all those things. My gosh - it's only been a month. It's something that will be with you forever, and something that you will never forget. I'm sorry :::hugs:::
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  • AmorXAeternaAmorXAeterna

    My mother is the same way.

    People just don't get it and that's why I love this board because it's full of ladies that totally understand what your going through and how you feel.

    ::HUGS::

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  • jerryliljessjerryliljess member
    ((hugs)) I'm so sorry that she said that to you.  You have every right to feel what you're feeling.  I m/c 2 babies at 7 weeks and people just don't get it.
    5/16/2005: M/C at 7 wks
    5/3/2010: MM/C at 7 wks 6 days
    5/25/2014: CP at 4 wks 3 days

    Because of the great "Snow"vember of 2015, my medicated cycle was cancelled.  However, we were blessed with our little rainbow baby due on 8/14/15!  Baby J had other plans and decided to make his grand ole entrance on 7/4/2015!

    Surprise!  Our little girl entered this world on 12/8/2016 after her eviction notice was long past due.  Our little turkey baby turned into a snow baby!  

                                                        
    Third times the charm!  BFP on 4/18/2019, EDD: 12/18/2019! 
    PgAL/PAL welcome
    PAIF/SAIF welcome too!

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  • JulsWJulsW
    so sorry hun. ((hugs)) for you today and ((hugs)) to get you through tomorrow!
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  • LilMaggsLilMaggs member
    *hugs*  I'm so sorry :(  People who've never sat where we're sitting have zero right to speak.  Want me to throat-punch her?
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  • jertiejertie member
    I am very sorry that she said that.  I think a loss is a loss - no matter when it happened.  It's not just the loss of a physical being - it's also the death of a dream and the hopes you had for a little one.  Feel what you need to feel to help you heal.  ((Big HUGS))

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  • snazzycynsnazzycyn
    S*rew that.  My d&c was almost 3 months ago, & I'm still avoiding newborns & have a feeling I will be until I'm pg again.  If you wanted a baby & lost a pregnancy, do people think that that means you decided you didn't want one (& thus that reminders that you don't have one wouldn't bother you??)  Some people are so stupid. 
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  • luckymrs.luckymrs.
    imageAmorXAeterna:

    My mother is the same way.

    People just don't get it and that's why I love this board because it's full of ladies that totally understand what your going through and how you feel.

    ::HUGS::

    This exactly.

    My m/c was 5 1/2 months ago, and I'd do the same thing you're doing; it'd be too hard for me.  And my m/c was "early", too:  9 weeks.

    Huge (((hugs))).

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  • ambs21ambs21 member
    So sorry.  People can be so insensitive.  You are definitely allowed to be sad.  Ifeel that everyone wants me to just be back to normal, so I do a lot of crying alone at night.  I try to put on a happy face to avoid stupid comments.  It's more than I can take.  Hang in there and try to enjoy the holidays. 
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