Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting after 35
Parenting after 35
New Discussion

Family drama VENT!

livvielolivvielo
in Parenting after 35

I am so so upset and angry and hurt right now! I am trying to plan a freaking birthday party for M, who was born on December 31. I am thinking of the 8th of January or the 9th, depending on when/where we can get a space. It looks like the 8th might work.

I call my dad today and told him the date, and he says that his friends are thinking of doing a holiday thing that day. So I was like, well, what if your granddaughter's birthday party is that day? And he's like, "I'm not coming. There will be lots of other birthdays. And this get together involves a lot of people who did things for your mother [she died in October]..."

I'm furious. I understand that he may be making other plans, but to flat out say I'm not coming without any discussion makes me livid. To get all shrink-y, he has done this my whole life: put everyone and everything before his family so he looks like the good guy on the outside--the guy who's always there to help anyone, the guy who's always kind and friendly--except when he's home, then he's rude and often an a**hole to his wife and child. I love him dearly, but this has always bugged me, for 38 years now.

He could have said that he already has plans, and could we plan it for another day--but nope, he just flips and says he's not coming. Then he has the balls to say that he'll send a present, and what are we doing on her actual birthday. Sorry, but if you're not coming to your only daughter's only child's birthday party, you are NOT spending time with us on her actual birthday, no way, no how.

I'm sure I'm overreacting, too, but I needed to get that off my chest!!

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Family drama VENT!

  • itsmexineitsmexine

    Wow.  Left Hug  I'm sorry he reacted that way. It does sound to me like he does want to celebrate M's bday but he is also having a hard time with the loss of your mom (as I'm sure you are too) and has been looking forward to this holiday thing with his friends. I would just explain how important it is to you for him to be there and maybe you could both find some flexibility in finding a date that works. 

     ::hugs::

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • vanverthvanverth
    imageitsmexine:

    Wow.  Left Hug  I'm sorry he reacted that way. It does sound to me like he does want to celebrate M's bday but he is also having a hard time with the loss of your mom (as I'm sure you are too) and has been looking forward to this holiday thing with his friends. I would just explain how important it is to you for him to be there and maybe you could both find some flexibility in finding a date that works. 

     ::hugs::

    This but I would not get too bendy.  Flexibility and compromise are important but I get the feeling that you have always felt second best to everone else and you do not want to give your L/O that message as well.  Do you all live in the same town?  Perhaps he could come to the party in the afternoon and then meet with his friends in the evening? 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • LyndaCarterLyndaCarter
    So, he can't do 2 parties in one day? Will he be too tuckered out to handle them? I don't understand. Find out what time his little friend's shindig will be and schedule around it if necessary (as long as it isn't at a really bad time for your LO). He sounds like my MIL, except her excuse is that they might be sick that day. Like they can predict illness weeks in advance.
    I am a Wonder-Mom!
    DD#1 - January 2008
    DD#2 - September 2010
    image
    Report Reply
  • DaisiesinmygardenDaisiesinmygarden member

    imageLyndaCarter:
    So, he can't do 2 parties in one day? Will he be too tuckered out to handle them? I don't understand. Find out what time his little friend's shindig will be and schedule around it if necessary (as long as it isn't at a really bad time for your LO). He sounds like my MIL, except her excuse is that they might be sick that day. Like they can predict illness weeks in advance.

    This, all of it.    Except it's FIL & MIL.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • ateytelbateytelb
    Yes, kids' parties run earlier in the day - why can't he go to both?
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Muffins_MomMuffins_Mom member
    Please know that I'm truly not trying to be snarky when I say this. While I understand you're upset, it's her 1st birthday party not her wedding AND he wants to be there ON her birthday. Its not as if he's saying he doesn't want to spend time with her at all. As far as how you have always felt slighted by his actions, I truly understand your hurt. However, if your dad has always been like this, he's not likely to change. You can either accept it as it is or continue to be hurt. THAT is what's in your control. Nothing else.
    Report Reply
  • PeppernutPeppernut

    No advice, only love!

     

    You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"