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Help - Violent Three-year-old

AutumnbreezeAutumnbreeze
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
I am at wits end with my three-year-old. He started having tantrums with prolonged screaming at age two, but he is becoming progressively more violent. He kicks, punches, bites and scratches me (and his father). Most recently, he has tried to hit his newborn sister. We have tried time outs, talking to him and have even taken him to a therapist. He seems to be getting worse! He smacked me so hard in the ear this morning that my head is still spinning. What is most worrisome is that he doesn't see any violence in the home and we closely monitor what he sees on television - so we don't know where the violent tendencies are coming from. Has anyone else experience this? I'm hoping someone has some advice.
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Re: Help - Violent Three-year-old

  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    Why don't you just walk away when he's having a tantrum?
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  • nbptbridenbptbride
    I could have written this post. DS has me in tears today. He does everything you mentioned, plus he's awful with other kids (though not all the time-he is capable of playing nicely as well) and we have infant twins in the house. He's really unpredictable and will be hugging and kissing them one minute, and suddenly he'll bite, pinch, etc. Yesterday, Pedi suggested maybe looking into a behaviorist, she said his behavior is 'abnormal' and that I'm too nice to DS. She then repeatedly put him in time out inher office for trying tongue her as she examined him. Mind you, he was in for strep and a double ear infection. I left her office in tears because it breaks my heart to think there's something wrong with DS. I may write a separate post about that nightmare of an appointment. Anyway, just letting you know you're not alone. I know how hard it can be to live with a child that is making things difficult. I'm curious to see other responses.
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  • nbptbridenbptbride
    I could have written this post. DS has me in tears today. He does everything you mentioned, plus he's awful with other kids (though not all the time-he is capable of playing nicely as well) and we have infant twins in the house. He's really unpredictable and will be hugging and kissing them one minute, and suddenly he'll bite, pinch, etc. Yesterday, Pedi suggested maybe looking into a behaviorist, she said his behavior is 'abnormal' and that I'm too nice to DS. She then repeatedly put him in time out in her office for trying to hit her as she examined him. Mind you, he was in for strep and a double ear infection. I left her office in tears because it breaks my heart to think there's something wrong with DS. I may write a separate post about that nightmare of an appointment. Anyway, just letting you know you're not alone. I know how hard it can be to live with a child that is making things difficult. I'm curious to see other responses.
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  • nbptbridenbptbride
    Sorry for the double post, and for the errors in the first one (thanks, spellcheck, for inserting words like 'tongue').
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  • AutumnbreezeAutumnbreeze
    I've tried walking away or ignoring him, but it doesn't help. It often happens when we tell him to do something that he doesn't want to do. For example, if we tell him to take a nap and he doesn't want one, he comes out swinging. It also happens when we tell him not to do something. If he can't reach one of us when he is enraged, he will hit or bite himself (hard).
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  • Temp159135562506975Temp159135562506975 member

    what did the therapist say?  Have you talked about this with his pedi?

    A friend of mine is going through the same thing with her 3y/o son - and he's being evaluated for many things and considering medication.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this- it must be so hard.

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  • Temp159135562506975Temp159135562506975 member

    imagenbptbride:
    Sorry for the double post, and for the errors in the first one (thanks, spellcheck, for inserting words like 'tongue').

    I'm sorry- but i'm laughing... i thought you meant to write tongue and thought he tried to lick the doc - which would be pretty bad....  maybe worse than hitting if he has strep, ya know? :)

    I'm so sorry you are going through that, too -esp with twins at home - i know it's hard to deal with twins + toddler, let along going through problems like that.

    I don't think any of us can give real advice here - it sounds like both of the boys have something going on that a doctor needs to evaluate..... I mean - giving TONS of choices is important, for any 3y/o.... I know it helps us avoid a lot of melt downs from Griffin... They need to feel like they are in control- so giving 2 choices for things when it's time to do something might help ---- ie) for bed time, "what PJs do you want to wear tonight? these or those?... which book do you want to read before bed? this one or that one?"...

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  • nbptbridenbptbride
    Yes, Goldie! Choices totally help matters. We give two acceptable choices everytime. Much of DS's behaviors are attention-seeking strategies. He also bangs his head when he's mad, then looks up to see if I'm watching. Ugh.
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  • jenuinejenuine

    I was about to suggest some of the "love and logic" stuff with offering a million choices. Have you read the book? When I am at my wits end, it has really helped.

    If your LO needs attention, is there a way to get help so either you can have more time for one on one attention with him, or have the sitter (family member, someone from church) give him extra attention?

    DD is doing something similar, but not as bad as your son. And I am lucky she is a only child. It hurts, physically and emotionally. When she gets violent with me, I walk away and DH intervenes, explaining that he hurt mommy and mommy is very sad. It has helped some.

    I always try to explain her emotions (I know you are mad at me, but we don't hit when we are mad) to help her identify what she is feeling and not act out.

    Have you tried taking away privledges or toys? "So sad. People who hit don't get to go to the zoo/playground/museum." You really have to follow up with them and not go, even if it was something YOU were looking forward to. We don't allow DD to watch her favorite TV show or take away her favorite toy when she does something violent. It has helped some.

    I think therapy is probably best here. There are some great therapists out there. Hang in there and know you are not alone.

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