Needing advice - WWYD?

lynnshey · December 2010

Hi ladies,

Not sure what to do in this situation, so I thought I'd put it out to the group. I just received word that the ex son-in-law of my friend was shot and killed on Saturday night/Sunday morning. My friend texted us on Sunday asking for prayer requests for her two grand daughters.

I noticed in the paper that the rosary is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. I feel strange about going to the rosary, but I want to be supportive of my friend and the girls. The other side of the issue is that he was associated with a lot of undesirable people, so I'm not comfortable in going to the funeral. So far, no one has been arrested in the crime. What would you do?

Let me give you some background - for the last several years, my friend has been raising her grand daughters because the mom wasn't able to and the dad was in jail. I've hung out with the grand daughters a lot (weekly for awhile), so we know them quite well. I've only met the mom 4 or 5 times and I had never met the dad. We're already planning on taking dinner or a meal to my friend as the girls are back living with her. I've texted my friend a few times and was going to call her over lunch. I know she is dealing with a lot and I didn't want to bug......

robynlesley · December 2010

If you feel that your presence would be a support to your friend, I'd go to the funeral. I don't know what a rosary is (beyond the beads/ a prayer) so I can't really comment on that.

I like the idea of bringing a meal best. Perhaps because I'm Jewish and after a funeral we sit Shiva and family/friends bring food for the mourning period. So if you feel awkward about going to the funeral, just do that.

Otherwise you've done all you can by offering to help.

superaunt · December 2010

call me selfish but unless i knew the person who was killed or someone directly related to them, i wouldn't go.

Piranha54 · December 2010

I think taking a dish to your friend and then maybe checking to see if she needs anything else in the next couple of weeks would be very welcome, and no one would think twice that you weren't at the funeral. After my dad died, we had several family friends bring my mom dinner, or visit 3-4 weeks later and it was much appreciated.

dkays · December 2010

I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the funeral either. I would definitely take food and make myself available to my friend for whatever she may need. Maybe even take something to comfort the girls. That's a tough situation. GL!

LyndaCarter · December 2010

Is the rosary like calling hours? I would go to calling hours, but not the funeral. Sending food is always appreciated.

vanverth · December 2010

I would be surprised if your friend went to the funeral but how old are the kids? I would not worry about going to the funeral or rosary. You could aways say it at the same time if you feel that the prayer would be helpful to the girls and their grandmother. Spend time with your friend and her grandchildren. They need your help.

lynnshey · December 2010

Thanks ladies - I appreciate the advice and my head is a bit clearer now. I called my friend and left a message letting her know that I was here to help. Will go visit her over the weekend or whenever it is best for her and take her a casserole or something.

LyndaCarter:
Is the rosary like calling hours? I would go to calling hours, but not the funeral. Sending food is always appreciated.

From what I gather, a rosary is like Catholic calling hours. I've never been to one, but they are pretty common here. I'm thinking that prayers will be said, candles will be lit, etc.

LyndaCarter · December 2010

lynnshey:

Thanks ladies - I appreciate the advice and my head is a bit clearer now. I called my friend and left a message letting her know that I was here to help. Will go visit her over the weekend or whenever it is best for her and take her a casserole or something.

LyndaCarter:
Is the rosary like calling hours? I would go to calling hours, but not the funeral. Sending food is always appreciated.

From what I gather, a rosary is like Catholic calling hours. I've never been to one, but they are pretty common here. I'm thinking that prayers will be said, candles will be lit, etc.

Oh! Flashing back! My frien's had rosary ceremonies for their grandparents. I went to those and they are just like calling hours. There is a small ceremony. The rosary is definitely the thing to attend...not the funeral.

Daisiesinmygarden · December 2010

If you aren't comfortable, I think it would be nice to visit and take some food over. If I was only gong to go to one, I think I would attend the rosary. There was one for SMIL when she passed away and it was small and intimate.

mtnrider · December 2010

superaunt:
call me selfish but unless i knew the person who was killed or someone directly related to them, i wouldn't go.

This. Especially if you're putting your safety at risk going to the funeral. Like all the PPs said, you can show your support in other ways.

peeper72 · December 2010

One more late vote for peripheral support. I'm a pretty naive girl - only just learned that "prison" and "jail" are different things - so if there are lots of people likely to be around who know the prison/jail thing from personal experience I'd stay away.

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