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I feel like a single mom

bogus123bogus123 member
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Maybe I am getting upset for no reason, but I can't help it. I totally get and understand that my DH works hard all day and he needs a break sometimes...but so do I! I stay at home with our son, but as ever mom knows, its a lot of work. When he gets home he holds August for maybe 30 minutes and then either gives him back to me or put him on the floor mat and goes back to his TV show. Every Tuesday he goes out which I am fine with, but this week, the week of our sons 1st Christmas he is going out tonight, tomorrow and Thursday...not even coming home before he goes out. Are you effin kidding me?! I need a break...I have told him this too and he says for me to go out, but when do I have the time when he is always gone? He also goes out 1 night a weekend alone usually ans the other night we go out together with the baby to a friends usually and he is always the one who gets to drink...wtf? I went 11 months with no drinks...why does he get to do whatever he wants? I try to talk to him about it, but he gets soooo defensive! Any ideas...I guess I need a new approach. I am getting to a very bad point where I may lose it with him!
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Re: I feel like a single mom

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    reneepruittreneepruitt

    You have to sit down and think long and hard about how to make it HIS idea to change. You can't change him. He has to change himself. 

    Sit him down and explain how you feel and ask for his help, not blame him for not helping in the past:

    "I am really overwhelmed. I am beginning to dislike being a mommy and I need your help to change my attitude. It's not good for me to be so tired because I can't be the best Mommy I can be.  Can we agree on some things you could do to give me some time to decompress?  I know you might not feel like jumping in to helping right when you get home, but could you give me an hour break after you've had an hour to relax?"

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    txbootsytxbootsy member

    Write down what he does each week and what you do each week.

    Men are physical beings and seeing is believing with them.

    But he needs to help out with the baby.

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    historychick79historychick79
    I would be very specific about when you need time off and for how long:  'Honey, I will need to go out for 3 hrs on Saturday for errands, thanks for watching LO.'  Men usually don't respond well to the 'you never do anything and I never get any support' because it sounds to them like you are on a general attack and they will never connect this rant to what you're really asking for. But if you give them a specific way they can be helpful, I find I tend to get an immediate response because you're giving them a solution without making them feel bad--and be sure to praise them when they respond! And if he never has the time to take care of LO for you, then that's worth an in-depth  conversation....
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    kteknektekne member
    I actually told my DH I felt like a single mom ... it kinda pissed him off but I think he needed to hear it. I was trying to change into my pj's and brush my teeth and he was laying in bed and LO was crying in the living room and I had to go get her and hold her while I brushed my teeth. I apologized the next day and told him that I really need him to help when he gets home.  I was on ML at the time so I did almost everything since he was working and I was at home. He got to where he would take LO after being home for a few minutes and I would cook or start laundry and get a few things done.  He also would give LO a bottle if I had pumped that day.  I made sure there were things he needed to do with LO so he didn't just put her back in her bouncer or swing. Maybe get your DH to start a routine of reading to LO and other bonding activities and express the importance of bonding with LO since you are home with your son all day. Being a SAHM is a really hard job. It's one that never ends so I have major respect for you. I'd love to stay at home but I am back at work now and my 8-5 job is way easier than being at home with a LO all day. Maybe you should plan a day to leave your son with your DH for about half a day and let him get an idea of how things really are.
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    ajtjirsnowajtjirsnow
    I have told my husband that I think that being a single mom would be easier, I wouldn't have to pick up after him, and I wouldn't be mad when he doesn't do things. I feel your pain.. Like others have said, try to give him specific things you want him to do. It helps. Otherwise if you just say you need help he will do something like clean the fridge or something random like organize a file cabinet thinking he is helping. lol. Trust me you have to direct, otherwise they don't get it.
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    bogus123bogus123 member
    Thanks ladies! We will have a chat tonight
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    JJ1973JJ1973 member
    Specificity and direct communication (without histrionics) helps...and giving up some control (if you're a control freak like me). He should be happily giving you some breaks. Staying home is rough. In many ways, I'm happy to be back at work. But, I often feel like a single mom with twice the work these days (working full time is also quite challenging to balance, but in a different way than staying at home). But, that's beside the point...in sum, don't play the martyr role (not that you are, but it is easy to slip into when frustrated, and doesn't help).
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    KailaF10KailaF10
    I know exactly what you are going through.  My DH works 2:30p-1a and when he gets home he says hi to our DS plays with him for 10 mins and puts him back in his swing and gets on the computer.  Even when our DS is crying and all he says to me is stick a boob in his mouth.... He's not even hungry.  I have to pick up after him all the time too.  The biggest thing that irritates me is I BF and pump and he won't even feed DS!  We just moved to WA from MO so we don't have any friends so he doesn't go out , but he really doesn't have time and we don't have family to watch DS so we can have a date out either.  I even told him I feel like he's one of those single dads and im just a full time baby sitter/maid.
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    KailaF10KailaF10
    I know exactly what you are going through.  My DH works 2:30p-1a and when he gets home he says hi to our DS plays with him for 10 mins and puts him back in his swing and gets on the computer.  Even when our DS is crying and all he says to me is stick a boob in his mouth.... He's not even hungry.  I have to pick up after him all the time too.  The biggest thing that irritates me is I BF and pump and he won't even feed DS!  We just moved to WA from MO so we don't have any friends so he doesn't go out , but he really doesn't have time and we don't have family to watch DS so we can have a date out either.  I even told him I feel like he's one of those single dads and im just a full time baby sitter/maid.  I mean even the night in the hospital after I had DS, DH was complaining he was so tired and was sleeping while DS was crying and he said he was going to leave me.
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