Am I wrong?
Mama2S-K-M
member
This could get a little long, I apologize.
DD is 13. Her father and I were never married, she was born when I was a Senior in HS. Since day 1 he has been difficult about child support.
The 1st order, when she was a few months old was $260/month
The 2nd order when she was just over 2 yrs old was $385/month. This order was in place from 10/1999 to 09/2006 when I decided to take him for an increase based on the costs of living increase and the fact that DD was much more expensive than she used to be! He was making MUCH MUCH MORE than he had been in 1999, so child support was increased to $775/ month. This is with his other 2 children factored in that were living with him and his wife at the time.
Fast forward to 2008, he gets divorced, his income takes a HUGE hit mostly because he worked on commision and with the divorce he switched offices and lost his clients. He goes from making approx $130,000/yr (which he had made from 2000-2007) to approx $30,000. He takes me back to court for a decrease child support because of this. It was decreased to $332/month.
He then switches jobs AGAIN, starts making more money, so it's increased in 10/2010 to $468/month. I am happy with this number and regardless of how much more he makes in the future I am SICK of the court dates and fighting and I would just leave it at that.
Well, then he got fired in November! UGH!! For "lack of performance" at his job. He is now on unemployment and has filed AGAIN (court date in January) to have his child support reduced.
I am pissed! He is constantly trying to do the bare minimum when it comes to financially supporting DD. He has never paid for childcare, extra curricular activities, medical bills...nothing.
So I guess my question is am I wrong in thinking it is ridiculous for him to reduce child support again for a situation that will most likely be temporary and force us to not only have the court date coming up, but ANOTHER one when he gets a job? I mean, if I lost my job I wouldn't be able to simply stop providing for my children!! He pays no child support for his other two due to his custody arrangement with his ex-wife, he moved in with his girlfriend after allowing his home to be foreclosed on, so he has no mortgage.
I think he should just suck it up until he finds another job.
Re: Am I wrong?
Take a step back and think what would you do if you lost your job and a child to support? And not just support, but you are court ordered to pay a specific amount of money and if you don't (no matter what the reason) you can go to jail. Now, likely what will happen is a temporary relief will be made for the time that he is unemployed and when he is able to find another job he will have to have it reassesed. Do you know for a fact that he isn't paying the exwife anything to support the kids? Nothing, nada, zilcho? It might not be court ordered CS, but maybe they have an arrangement where he pays for xyz in exchange for NOT having to pay CO'd CS.
Regardless, it makes sense, and it protects him from potentially getting into a spot where he could get into serious trouble. That said, does it suck? Hells yeah it does. And just because he doesn't have a mortgage doesn't mean he has no other bills. It really does blow, don't get me wrong, but I don't think he really has any other options, do you?
I don't think you're wrong to be upset and frustrated. But I also don't think you can expect your support to stay the same if he loses his job. If he had something else lined up or had some really great prospects, sure, he could just suck it up and maintain the status quo. But who knows what the future holds.
It sounds like he just doesn't care, and that sucks for you and your daughter. I'm sorry.
yes, I know for a fact he pays nothing for his other 2 daughters, I am friends with his ex-wife. As far as punishment, for my county people VERY rarely go to jail for child support. He has been $5000+ in the hole in the past and they do nothing. Last time we were there we heard a case where the BD was $37000 behind and never went to jail!
and really he has very few bills, his car is even paid off.
If you want him to pay for extra curricular activities and medical bills then you need to include that in your request for child support. Don't be mad that he isn't paying more than what the state deems as nessesary. And no, I don't think he should continue paying the previous amount if he is unemployed. Who knows how long this will last? I agree that it is extremely frusterating but be glad you are getting something! I have recieved maybe 600.00 this entire year!
My DH lost his job in Jan 2009 then again in June 2009. At this point we didn't know when he would be getting another job, so he petitioned the court for a CS modification. BM flipped her lid about the petition, however when we went to court the judge explained to her that by law they can not take the same amount of CS they were before he lost his job if it caused him to go below the federal poverty level, which it would. After DH's unemployment kicked in her CS went back to normal, then he got a GREAT job and the CS she got went way up. So I can understand that it sucks that he has lost his job and you've had to go back to court a lot, however I can understand where he is coming from too. If he is getting unemployment then you should be able to get CS out of that (if its close to or more than he was making at his job the CS shouldn't be lowered)
I agree with PP, if you want him to help with childcare costs, afterschool activities or anything like that You need to bring that up in court and they will increase his CS to help cover those costs. Make sure you bring in proof of how much everything costs etc. Good Luck
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Thank you (all) for your responses. I know I may come off as a bit of a b!tch. I think I would be a bit more sympathetic in regards to his situation if he didn't fight me every step of the way for the past 13+ years. He is a VERY frustrating person to deal with!
As far as the other costs, he is court ordered to pay a % of medical, but not the rest. Child care costs where done with at 12 anyway. I was just illustrating the fact that monthly child support is his only contribution, nothing more, ever. Honestly, I would be happy if he would just pay the court ordered amount consistantly without fighting me.
I know there are many SM's on this board who have DH's that not only pay child support, but will take care of their children in any way they can. That is what a good parent does. Good parents do not say things like "well you have a good job, what do you need money from me for?"
I guess I am just really annoyed right now, I think I'll go have a drink with my DH
This comment pissed me off. Misrepresenting your situation does not make you sympathetic.
Especially after that initial statement that your BF did not pay childcare or medical expenses only to then turn around and say that he DOES pay a percentage of medical expenses and that he DID pay for childcare until your DD was 12 (the legal age in most jurisdictions where children can stay at home w/out supervision).
What more are you expecting out of him - everything?
Sorry, but you all went through the courts that are STILL biased towards mothers. I am not sure why you think you deserve MORE than what the courts have decided to be the closest thing to equitable.
And now, It is not as if he is not paying at all, he is going the legal route to get the courts to review the finances of all involved and make an unbiased decision on what he can afford at this moment. And in a few months, when he gets another job, you go through the LEGAL route again to have it remodified.
Oh, and before you decide that I am some bitter SM who is upset paying CS, MY DH has full physical custody of SS and is not getting one red cent of childsupport for a growing 15 yo son and just finished paying off his 22 yo daughter's college by himself.
But even I recognize that if the CS has been determined by the courts (I do not know a single court that does not - at its base calculator - take into account health care and extras like daycare) and is being modified by the courts at the request of the BF (who could be totally douchie and not pay at all), YOU have no basis for being upset.
While I understand you are upset that once again he filed for a modification, you need to realize that you cannot expect someone to pay full CS on a very reduced income. Yes, it was because of his own fault for not performing, but he also has bills and has to make sure his basic needs are covered.
SO found out last week he will be laid off effective 12/17. There is no way we can have him pay full CS on what little bit he will get each week while on unemployment. His income is being cut more than half of what it was. As soon as we know the exact amount he will qualify for he is going to have his attorney draft a proposal to BM's attorney in hopes we can settle outside of court for a reduction.
If you are wanting him to help with extra activities then that needs to be written into the CO and will not be included with CS. That is how it is written into SO's CO, the parents are to split the cost of activities 50/50.
That is not what I was saying AT ALL. He is ORDERED to pay a % of medical BUT DOES NOT. He was NEVER ORDERED to pay child care and now that she is 13 I CAN NOT ASK FOR IT ANAYWAY.
So, no I was NOT misrepresenting myself. And thank you for jumping to conclusions that I am some greedy BM that wants the whole world handed to her, while you don't want me to jump to the conclusion the YOU are a bitter SM. Hello Pot, Meet Kettle.....
I am aware of the formula the court uses. As I explained previously I have been to court MANY times. And FYI, in my county the courts are soooo not biased in favor of the mothers!! If anything it's the opposite! They will bend over backwards to give the fathers chance after chance. The only ones that suffer are the children.
He is in fact "douchie" and has currently not paid a dime since October. He is getting unemployment, but not even trying to pay a portion of his ordered support.