Catholic girls - need help with faith (kinda long)

charmcitygirl · December 2010

I was raised Catholic. My brother and I went to 12 years of Catholic school. I grew up in a very Catholic community. Granted, I went to college, met Adam and married him, despite the fact that he's Jewish. We're raising Jacob Jewish. But that doesn't change what I believe in.

I am a believer in the major faith principles of the religion. I used to pray regularly. I used to go to Church regularly. (I don't necessarily think that you need to go to Church regularly to be a faithful person.) But I've fallen out of touch. I think there's a disconnect for me between the faith and the Catholic Church.

Anyway, around the holidays I always start to really miss my religion. Part of the reason that I've gone away from it is that Adam is Jewish and its not a priority in my life to go to Church. I know it should be, so I think about that often.

But the other - and more prominent reason - that I've taken steps back from the Church (although my faith hasn't waivered) is the social principles that the Church has taken on. Some of their doctrines make my blood boil and really make me not want to go to Church and exercise my faith.

How could the Church have ignored all of those pedophile priests for all those years? How can they be so sexist as to not let women become priests while they don't have enough men to attend to the needs of their faithful? How can they stand behind the teachings of Jesus, the most welcoming person, and denounce homosexuality?

And most personal to me - how can they tell me that my child shouldn't exist because he was from IVF?

I guess I'm just floundering. I have faith. I believe. But I find it hard to reconcile that belief with the doctrines of the Church that seem to - in my opinion - go against Jesus' teachings. I can't seem to separate the faith from the doctrines and so I ignore my religion.

Any thoughts?

MKC101103 · December 2010

I was raised Catholic as well and hold many of the opinions you do. Have you ever thought of joining a different Christian-based Church? There are many out there, and even non-denominational ones.

LisaMarisa · December 2010

You sound just like me and I think a lot of other people in our generation.

DH and I didnt want to have DS baptized in the catholic church because they didnt agree with how he was conceived. We were going to start looking for a different church and I started researching the different denominations but then I went on bedrest and we just never got around to picking another church so we did baptize him catholic. It took us a while to come to terms with it but we ended up doing it for traditions sake. Since we baptized DS catholic, we'll do the same for DD.

So I guess I dont really have any advice or anything, just wanted to tell you that you're not alone and I think a lot of people feel the same way. Maybe you can find another denomination that is more in line with your way of thinking.

MonkeysGirl05 · December 2010

Ugh... I just typed a long reply and the nest ate it. Let me try to recap again...

One of my very good friends left the chuch for very similar reasons, so I kind of understand what you are going through. I am not Catholic, but my husband is, and if we ever get back into the habit of attending church regularly, we will probably raise Henry Catholic too. That being said...

Have you considered the notion of attending church and worshiping elsewhere? I was raised that God doesn't care where you worship. You may feel more at home at a different church. There are many Christian faiths/churches that I'm sure would welcome you into their community with open arms.

I know this is probably very difficult. I hope you can find comfort with whatever path you decide to follow.

mmttc · December 2010

When anyone asks what religion i am my usual response is "recovering catholic" and considering converting to Judaism. My point of view is that organized religion was formed as a means to control people in the name of God. I don't feel the need to join any organized religion, but that doesn't mean I don't have faith. Religion to me is personal and I don't want to hold hands with strangers in a church (who often are the most hypocritical people I've ever encountered). I also can't stand when people push their religion on others. Those who can't finish a sentence without a "thank you, Jesus"...even on every facebook post! Sorry, this has turned into more of a vent. Bottom line for me was that I could not connect myself with an organization that protects and creates a safe haven pedophiles...with the money I GIVE THEM!

RoxBride · December 2010

Have you considered looking at an ELCA Lutheran church?

Many of the rituals are the same, and much of the service would feel very familiar to you.

However, the politics are not. Big differences- no nuns, women can be pastors, pastors can be married, no Pope, everyone is seen on an equal level (while pastors no doubt have a calling, they are no better or worse an individual than you and I, we are all capable of pastoral care, a pastor just has extra training at running a church), homosexuals can be pastors.

And most importantly, they are very supporting, in real life and in writing, of fertility treatments. Not only was my IVF baby welcome there, the congregation actively prayed for her conception in the petri dish!

Just a suggestion.

LuckyH · December 2010

I'm not Catholic, but hope I can help. I'm a conservative Missouri Synod Lutheran. My DH is Catholic and I went to Catholic schools growing up.

It sounds to me like you need to go talk to your priest. Ask him all of the questions you've posted here. He will be able to tell you the biblical reason behind most of the Catholic doctrine. Have you tried going to a bible study? That might help you as well.

I am Lutheran solely because I believe all church doctrine should have a biblical basis. We baptized my DD Lutheran and will with this baby as well.

It's hard for me to stay consistent because we don't go to church as a family. I imagine you have a greater challenge because of your H being Jewish. That's a bigger leap than what I'm dealing with. Do you ever go to synagogue with your H?

I'm not too familiar with Judaism, so forgive my ignorance. Do the beliefs of Judaism answer any of the questions you have?

I'm sure you miss your faith and I believe that's God's way of calling us back. I hope you can work something out that brings you peace.

ela81 · December 2010

RoxBride:

Have you considered looking at an ELCA Lutheran church?

Many of the rituals are the same, and much of the service would feel very familiar to you.

However, the politics are not. Big differences- no nuns, women can be pastors, pastors can be married, no Pope, everyone is seen on an equal level (while pastors no doubt have a calling, they are no better or worse an individual than you and I, we are all capable of pastoral care, a pastor just has extra training at running a church), homosexuals can be pastors.

And most importantly, they are very supporting, in real life and in writing, of fertility treatments. Not only was my IVF baby welcome there, the congregation actively prayed for her conception in the petri dish!

Just a suggestion.

I am not Catholic, I'm Methodist but ditto above. I think at this point in your life you may feel better if you attended church of a different denomination.

There is a small group of women at our church who have gone through IVF and they make blankets for others. They delivered an adorable blanket to my baby girl while I was still in the hospital and they prayed hard throughout my IVF. BTW- During my IVF I did nto go to that church, my mom did and they extened the love b/c of her.

LVBlvd · December 2010

My Catholic faith is very important to me. I don't attend church regularly right now because of obvious reasons : ) but we will send our kids to Catholic schools and will go to church when things slow down here a bit and I can catch my breath. I am so, so excited for Christmas Eve mass!

I hope I can explain this in a way that makes sense. I DO agree with a lot of the teachings and beliefs of the church, but not all of them. And that is okay to me. The Catholic church teaches about a God who loves us and wants us to come to Him with our struggles. I DID bring my struggles with IVF before him when we started thinking about it, and I completely believe that He helped me come to a decision and make a plan that worked for us and was right in His eyes as well.

For example, we decided long ago that we would donate any left over embies to a couple who needed them. I feel an amazing sense of peace about this decision, and know that God helped me get there. So, yes, my faith teaches that IVF is wrong, but I believe that God helped me reach a plan that was right. We are not destroying any life. All fertilized embryos will be given a chance at life.

As for the other social teachings you speak of, I agree with some and not with others, I won't get into that because I don't want to start a debate here.

But my point is, I don't think you have to ditch your faith in the Catholic church all together.

This sounds trite - but pray about it. Bring these concerns to a priest and he can help you navigate through it. I think a lot of people our age deal with these things. We believe in God and our faith is important to us, but we were raised in a more open generation and the church hasn't caught up yet. But I'm not giving up on it : )

hclavalley · December 2010

No help here, I was born and raised Catholic, DH too, but we've completely given up on them in the last 10 years. We are practicing Episcopalian now... (I use practicing loosely, its hard to get there with 2 LOs).

ETA: Liam will be the first child in nearly 80 years not to be baptized Catholic, we are doing an Episcopal service at the beginning of Jan for him.

DavezWife · December 2010

I have a similar background to you, and I too, feel the catholic guilt. lol.

I second the idea of going to a "free" church or something and just give it a try. I went to a big "mega church" with a friend once, and when I left, I felt the same "warm fuzzies" I get (inner peace???) but without all the anger and crap you described that I know too well.

I'm not ready to embrace my faith again. God and I are still fighting. (well, I'm fighting with Him, lol) and it's really hard to think I'm going to get back to a place where I don't feel He is fecking with me on purpose. I'm jaded, bitter, and I don't understand Why Me??!! But that's my sob story, you know how that goes.

I say surround yourself with things that help your FAITH, and don't worry about helping your RELIGION. does that make sense? And when you find the secret, share it with me. Wait, don't, I'm so not ready. lol..

kme930 · December 2010

I could have written this post. Word for word. Especially the part about IVF. It's the reason I just won't baptize Will in the Catholic church.

To be honest, I've started to religion shop and the Episcopal church is great. Very Catholic-esque without the social doctrines that are clearly made by judgmental men who have no perspective on the real world because they don't live in it.

It would be so easy if Catholicism was a little more open-minded - I live across the street (literally) from a beautiful Catholic church with a good school. Part of me thinks that my life would just be easier if I tried to turn a blind eye to the things that I disagree with the church about, and I used to consider that. Then we ended up in a position where only IVF made sense and I read the church's decrees on that and it was over. I just can't take the easy way out, roll out of bed and go to church across the street. And it makes me furious.

So I don't think I've helped you at all, but I can completely sympathize. UGH!! Stupid church!

GuitaristsGirl · December 2010

I just wanted to say that I think you've received some really good advice and I'm sorry that you're struggling with this.

I struggled greatly with my faith after losing our twins - I'm still struggling. And in some ways I wish I were only struggling with my "religion" since, like others have said, I also feel that the faith part is most important. And, contrary to your post title, it sounds like you have faith The rest is just details, imho, and I have no doubt you'll figure it out. But I do understand that it's hard, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

ShannonSky · December 2010

I don't have too much advice, but wanted to offer hugs. I know it's tough when you have faith struggles. I struggled with this back in high school and DH and I ultimately ended up switching over to a Methodist church. We still get negative feedback from our families for switching from time to time.

PhillySue · December 2010

I could have written this post except for the fact that my DH is also catholic so we are raising Katie catholic but I have the same exact feeling towards the church as you. The same priciples of the church are driving me away too. I recently started seeing a therapist after my m/c to talk about the loss and all our IF issues and I told her about my crisis of faith. She told me is was ok and in any relationship you have ups and downs. I need to find out what is the root of the issue. Am I mad at the church or am I mad at God?? During my IVF I prayed and it really helped me get through everything but I am really struggling now. I just try to remember I still believe that Jesus loves me and Katie and I hope that I can get back to a place where I am happy with my faith. It is funny you mention Christmas because I was feeling the same way. I am listening to christmas songs and whenever a church song comes on it really makes me want to find that connection again.

efooey · December 2010

I'm catholic, raised that way, catholic schools, still practicing regularly and my only "real" teaching jobs have been in catholic school. It's something I strongly believe in.

That said, I don't agree with some of the church's teachings. I have no problems with gay marriage, ART (duh), women as priests may take a bit to get used to but I can adjust, and my diocese already has a few married priests.

I know I'm in a more liberal diocese, but my priest has no problems with ART, they acknowledge the problems within the church and we pray for resolution. In an institution that is as old as it is and as big as it is, there are going to be problems and setbacks. Change is slow but it is possible. I believe there are so many good things about the church that it's worth saving. If everyone with differing views runs away who is going to work for change?

As to what PP said...my church is not full of hypocrites, I don't know why you would ever spend more than one sunday in a church that was. The abuse scandal was shameful and the handling of it wasn't much better, but I still think we can help those who need it and learn to be better people.

emmyloustu · December 2010

Charmcity,

I could have written your post word for word, minus the Jewish husband part . Sean was raised Catholic and his parents left N. Ireland in the 1970's because of the religious troubles. I went to Catholic School k-12. I was originally baptized Episcopal, but converted to Catholicism in 2nd grade.

We just cannot reconcile our differences with the Catholic Church right now. There is just too much we disagree with and we would feel like total hypocrites sitting in a church professing to believe in the major tenets of the faith when we just DON'T.

I can't baptize Eliza and make a vow to God to raise her in the faith, because there is just too much I disagree with and I would feel in my heart like it was a lie. Many people have tried to get us to do it out of tradition, but it is something I take very seriously. A sacrament is a vow, a promise, a bond between you and the Lord and I am not going to undertake something like that just out of tradition.

I know there are people who believe differently, but I just cannot see how you can be Catholic and do IVF, believe that homosexuality is not a sin, be pro-choice (which to me is very connected to our reproductive rights) etc...it really all goes against the Church in a major way. The Church says those are mortal sins and I, personally, cannot raise my child like that. We plan to raise her to love and accept everyone regardless of their sexuality or any other differences, PERIOD. We will teach her about IVF and how she was conceived. We will teach her that women are equals and can do ANYTHING they want to do, even lead a congregation. So then, we take her to Church or send her to a school where she hears x,y,z is a mortal sin and you will burn in hell?! How confusing for a child. What a huge conflicting message. I don't know how to overcome that.

You CANNOT (IMHO) pick and choose the aspects of a religion to fit your life and conveniently leave out others when they don't mesh. Not things that are this big and consequential, anyway.

We are exploring the Episcopal church since that is where I was baptized. I love that women & homosexuals can be bishops and pastors, and I love that they are accepting of IVF and IUI. The traditions and service are nearly identical to the Catholic Church. I feel it takes everything I love about the Catholic Church with nothing I disagree with. I have heard it called, Catholic Lite or Catholic without the guilt.

I hope that in future, the RC Church, will find it's way out of the dark ages, but with the direction they are currently headed under Pope Benedict, it seems unlikely. It all makes me sad, very sad.

Temp159135562506975 · December 2010

We are members of a Lutheran church and there are MANY MANY "former CAtholics" in our parish... my husband included.

much of it is the same- but we don't have the pope telling people what is and isn't OK... and don't focus on Mary... but other than that- very similar to the Catholic faith, which is why so many Catholics who are not happy with how things are going these days have switched to our church.

browneyedgrl4282 · December 2010

I was raised Catholic but because of so many reason i won't raise my kids in that church! The biggest reason is IVF! My husband and I were married in methodist church and the same pastor who married us baptized all our children. I am very happy with my decision.

LuckySunshineBaby · December 2010

This is just what works for me.

The more I go, the more faithful I am. I'm a Catholic Convert (DH isn't, not a single family member is Catholic, I converted one year prior to getting married and we were married catholic). I picked the Catholic faith. That said, I don't agree with the Vatican on homosexuality (ignorant, ignorant stance), same sex marriage (see prior insert), fertility treatments (see ticker) and whole list of things.

I'm not perfect. Neither is my faith. In my faith, we have idiots and geniuses. We have compassionate individuals who bring love to all they know. We have hate mongers that should be ashamed of themselves to their very core.

I find (again for me) to write off the Catholic church's negatives as a way to avoid going to mass. To making the commitment. I've found that when I go, I can find the good in my church and faith. I go to bilingual services more often than not (I speak not a lick of the other language). That service feels more like "me". I like the members of my church that attend that mass. They are so faithful and such an inspiration, despite some of them living in a type of poverty that I would guess next to none of us could understand.

I am a huge believer that the more you "give" your faith, the more it "gives" you.

itsmevkb · December 2010

If there is one thing I give the Catholic church huge credit for it's sticking to their guns. They teach what they believe is the word of God and they don't change their teachings based on "modern times" or what is popular/unpopular.

Having said that, it doesn't mean that my beliefs are necessarily all in line with the church's teachings. I had sex outside of marriage, I've done IVF, etc. But, I can and do still consider myself a Catholic because I do believe the core teachings of the church. I believe in the holy trinity, I believe in the divinity of Mary and the saints, I believe in transubstantiation, I believe in the sanctity of marriage, I believe that the Catholic church is the true church, I believe in doing good deeds and being a good person and that God will judge me for who am I and how I lived my life and I believe in the unmeasurable mercy of God who will forgive my sins.

I don't honestly think that the church believes your child shouldn't exist because all life is scared and the church teaches that. That the church does not condone how your child was conceived is a different matter. Choosing IVF was not an easy decision for me but I made my peace with it by knowing that my husband and I would never discard embryos and that we would freeze any extras and ultimately use them and thus, in my mind, I am still respecting the scaredness of those little lives. And yes, I believe they are little lives.

So, to sum up what may not be the clearest thing I've ever written, is that I think you're looking at things as too black and white. No-one, not even priests, fully live up to the teachings of the church. How can we? We are humans and thus flawed and sometimes sinful people. The church, being made up of humans has sinners in their ranks and sometimes they do bad things, the same way everyone does. Expecting to follow every teaching is expecting too much. You can deviate from some of the teachings and still be Catholic. Don't give up on your faith because of a few things. Focus on the big things - Jesus, God, love, charity, etc. and eventually you'll receive peace.

ladychicago · December 2010

DH and I are both practicing Catholics. He was raised catholic and I converted in college before we met. The thing about the catholic church is that it is big...and the church does in fact value and encourage the use of personal reason and conscience among it's members. For me, being catholic is first and foremost about community...locally, globally, and historically. And it is about the mass and Eucharist. A good chunk of the rest lies at the periphery. I love my catholic faith, but also have many of the same thoughts and beliefs that you do. But I don't spend a lot of time worrying about the disconnect. For me, it isn't picking and choosing the parts of religion you like (which I think everyone does anyways to varying degrees), it is acknowledging that the church is a human institution - a living, breathing, evolving and necessarily flawed institution. Every faith has changes over time, the catholic church included. And throughout all of history, the faithful have disagreed with the leadership. All of the decisions i make (ART included) and positions I take on various social issues, I make with prayer and my God given reason. And if I give something serious consideration and come to a decision with peace in my heart - and it contradicts a non-central church teaching...then that's just where the church and I disagree. I pray that the church will come to change their position on lots of things, and I know many priests and other Catholics that feel the same way. I also know many priests who support parishioners through IVF. I could go on and on because DH and I have wrestled with this alot, but seeing as I can't make paragraphs at the moment (grr..iPad), I will just say if you ever want to talk more, I would be happy to give you my email. I know this isn't easy, but being part of a great big family never is... I wish you the best as you work through this and figure out what is right for you! (((hugs)))

Mouseygail · December 2010

I haven't read the other responses yet..but I was raised Catholic as well. I have lost all faith, but if I hadn't, I would be looking into other Christian churches...there are tons of great denominations out there...and some really interesting non-denominational congregations...that would offer you a community to celebrate and practice your beliefs without the aspects of the Catholic Church that bother you. Good luck on your hunt!

I get very nostalgic about the church around Christmas time too!!

oct11bride03 · December 2010

I haven't read all the replies, but I agree that there are other denominations that might be a better fit for you. We were both raised Roman Catholic and just don't agree with a lot of the church's decisions. We have found the Episcopal church to be much more in line with our beliefs. Now if only we could get out of the house on a Sunday morning we'd be all set.

MoFree · December 2010

Is it all right for an IF person to respond?

Like you I was raised Catholic and am married to a Jewish man. The teachings of the church never resonated with me-the absolutism, the anti-homosexuality, the priest sex scandals, the inability of women to become priests, the ban on abortion, contraception and what I consider the hypocracy and being totally out of touch. My husband, then boyfriend, wanted me to learn something about Judaism so we attended Reform services together. I cannot tell you how or why but something struck a very deep cord within me and I knew that I wanted to become Jewish. It was a combination of the soulful music, the way the prayers were chanted and the way the rabbi related to his congregation and that they were able to question him and did not have to accept his or her word as the word of God. Shortly afterwards I started studying Judaism and converted shortly before marriage.

I am not suggesting that you convert because it is a very personal decision that has to come from within you. Do you attend services with you husband, have you become a part of a Jewish community either via synagogue or a Jewish Community Center.

Best wishes and hope you find spiritual solace, which does not have to be in the form or an organized religion.

schoolsoutbride · December 2010

I have had the same problems with the Catholic church since I was a teenager, and it completely eroded my faith. So I don't have any answers for you. I'm spiritual in some ways, I suppose, but I don't know if I believe in God, and I am completely turned off by organized religion.

MBandBud · December 2010

ladychicago:

Rather than quote ladychicago's entire post and say "this" I will open quote her and say "this". Specifically making mention of having peace in your own heart with where you stand and that being a part of such a large family and organization is challenging. Once I got to a place where I was using the 'rules' as a guide but making my own decisions based on what I believe, I have come much closer to God, and honestly, a better Catholic, than I feel, someone who simply 'follows the rules' (and there are lots of 'em!).

Also including a previous post about my visit to our Catholic priest:

I finally decided it was time to go and talk to our priest, Fr. Joe about our infertility. It has been weighing on my mind for a long time, and given that I lector at the church I felt this weight of guilt. I was concerned, however, because Fr. is conservative, for example when that couple danced down the aisle he said ?never in my church?. I shared our struggles and as I did my emotions just let go. He said ?so this is really bothering you? to which I said, yes, because I knew it went against the rules of the Catholic Church. He said ?oh, oh, well, let me tell you my take on this. God will not give you life unless he wants you to have it. You are not doing this because you are looking to make money, or because you don?t want your body to be ruined (as in using a surrogate for this reason), you are doing this to try to bring a child into this world. IMO you need to seek this out, you need to do this, and you need to take all this guilt you have built up and put it in a box and put it away?. He went on to say he felt that the Catholic ruling was man made, that no where does the bible say that IVF is not allowed. He said he went through this with other couples, and with the first one he did extensive research on the topic and truly feels this in his heart. He went on to say he felt like this was not even reconcilable, no reason to go to confession over it, and that he felt it was more of a sin to not seek out every option available to fulfill this longing to bring a child into this world. He scolded me for not coming sooner, although he understood my reasoning. He did say to not ?shop around? (to other priests), as he realizes not all are of the same opinion. He applauded us for being so prudent in limiting the number of eggs we will fert (5) and in caring for the embryos as the life they are.

It was like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Ironically the meeting was set up for our anniversary and this was the best.gift.ever.

mmttc · December 2010

efooey:
I'm catholic, raised that way, catholic schools, still practicing regularly and my only "real" teaching jobs have been in catholic school. It's something I strongly believe in.
That said, I don't agree with some of the church's teachings. I have no problems with gay marriage, ART (duh), women as priests may take a bit to get used to but I can adjust, and my diocese already has a few married priests.
I know I'm in a more liberal diocese, but my priest has no problems with ART, they acknowledge the problems within the church and we pray for resolution. In an institution that is as old as it is and as big as it is, there are going to be problems and setbacks. Change is slow but it is possible. I believe there are so many good things about the church that it's worth saving. If everyone with differing views runs away who is going to work for change?
As to what PP said...my church is not full of hypocrites, I don't know why you would ever spend more than one sunday in a church that was. The abuse scandal was shameful and the handling of it wasn't much better, but I still think we can help those who need it and learn to be better people.

I did not mean to offend you and I wasn't actually refering to Catholics as a whole more my experience with people who push their religion on me. Whatever that religion is. I've attended many different churches as a guest over the years and I can't stand the judgement that comes from people if I don't agree with exactly what they believe. Then to find out their background and see how hypocritical their judgement of me was. I've been a member of only two Catholic churches in my life and have taught at four Catholic schools. I might feel differently if I went to one that was as modern thinking as the one you describe.

skoorbnibor · December 2010

yes. Catholicism, as in the church is not your faith. It is merely a vehicle to bring you closer to God. To me, it is sort of like drinking a cup of coffee... I can drink it out of a fancy pedestal mug or a foam cup, and yet it is still the same. The cup is merely a vehicle to bring the coffee to me. Catholicism is merely a vehicle to bring my faith to me. It would be the same in a different religion. Your relationship with GOD and not the church is what is important.

For me, I have always stepped away from the big Church and stayed close to the little church. My local parish growing up was much more open minded and also had a monsignor that made me want to stay there, so that much was luck. As I got older, I was able to question the practices of the political side of the church, and realized that I remain because I love the symbolism of the mass, believe in the overall message and do feel closer to God during a mass. I might be just as happy in an episcopalian church, or a presbyterian church, but I love the mass and I feel like communion is different in the catholic church. So I stay, knowing that like me, Catholicism is far from perfect, but that the reasons for striving to get better are the same. Faith.

skoorbnibor · December 2010

efooey:

I know I'm in a more liberal diocese, but my priest has no problems with ART, they acknowledge the problems within the church and we pray for resolution. In an institution that is as old as it is and as big as it is, there are going to be problems and setbacks. Change is slow but it is possible. I believe there are so many good things about the church that it's worth saving. If everyone with differing views runs away who is going to work for change?
As to what PP said...my church is not full of hypocrites, I don't know why you would ever spend more than one sunday in a church that was.

Well said and it could be said of my church as well. When I was trying to get pregnant, my priest was also very supportive of IVF and of the IUIs before that. He also welcomed Ethan with open arms. I also just moved and went in to meet my new monsignor and I told him I was Catholic, married by a priest and a rabbi, my husband is a conservative Jew, Ethan had a bris and a christening, oh and he was an IVF baby.

He didn't bat an eye. He said, I am thrilled to have someone who has such an exciting background join our community! Welcome, and may I tell your story to some of our parishoners struggling to conceive?

There are always going to be hypocrites. Every where we look. But I am most worried with the people I choose to be close to me, and my priest needs to be one of them, you know?

GL with this, Allison, it is a really hard thing.

katyboston · December 2010

A late response but I found this article to be a great summary of my feelings about the catholic church. I think the leadership of the church has done some terrible things but believe at it's core the Catholic church has good to offer people. I'm a "cafeteria Catholic" I follow those of the church's teachings that I think bring out the best in people. I'm not sure even the most devout Catholics believe everything the church teaches. The catholic church has done a lot of good in the world and while I feel the leadership hasn't caught up to the modern society, for me I focus on the good and hope for change. I don't believe God values men over women, heterosexuals over homosexuals or spontaneous children over IVF babies like mine. I'm just waiting for the Vatican to get there but I figure that if everyone who feels strongly about equality and justice leaves the church, change won't come.

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/opinion/18kristof.html?_r=1&hp

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