- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
June 2011 Moms
JaqiDec04
member
In-Laws...putting DH down (vent-kinda long)
JaqiDec04
member
Small backstory: DH has a difficult relationship with his parents. Dad was physically abusive, mother let it happen. Then there were alcohol problems, and eventually DH cut them out of his life. When his Dad got sick, 2 years ago, we've been rebuilding the relationship. Things are much much better.
Because of DH's childhood, he has a lot of fears about being a father, especially to a little girl. But we talk, I tell him it will be fine. He'll be fine. My parents have even reassured him, my family is very supportive, always giving encouragement, because they know this is difficult for him.
Then, our niece was born in May. We don't see her much as we'd like, but she was at the house on Sunday with BIL when we stopped by. I played with her a bit, and she was in a good mood. Then DH asked to hold her, and she sat with him on the dining room table and we all chatted. Everything was fine.
However, the in-laws were kept telling DH not to "talk to our baby that way, or he'll make it cry" and things like that. It's absolutely ridiculous! I watched a little girl for months (3-8 months old) every day, and while DH isn't the coo-eying & baby talk type, they got along great. She loved DH and his "gruffness" never caused her to cry, most of the time she laughed at his stern looks.
Then, DH posted a cute picture of our neice on FB. She's sitting in front of DH on the table, and her head is down cause she's looking at something. DH wrote a joke about how "She knew not to eyeball him as a sign of disrespect." All our friends and family laughed, they know DH and that he's a big softy. However, the in-laws didn't. BIL wrote "don't worry baby, he won't hurt you." and MIL wrote "DH scared her with his looks, thats why he looked down." I'm sure its joking, but STILL.
Every time it happens, I can tell it brings DH down. Its hard enough for him to even make the attempt to hold her. I try to defend him. I assure him that his daughter will love him, because he's DAD despite his lack of baby-talk, and that he will not make his daughter cry. I've said the same thing on FB, and I defended him on Sunday.
Without making a big stink out of it, there isn't much I can do, but it's breaking my heart. Just when DH does something to show he's excited - he's not much of a talker, but he's taken to touching my belly each time he walks by, things like that, its the little things right? :-), they do something to bring him down and he closes all up in worry again.
I just needed to vent to someone, and it can't be DH.
If you got this far, thanks for reading
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In-Laws...putting DH down (vent-kinda long)
Aww your DH sounds so cute. I would tell the ILs to shut up if they have nothing nice to say, then blame it on the hormones.
FWIW My dad was the stern type and never talked in baby talk to me, I still love him.
Sounds like DH's life was harder than mine but I had a little bit the same story - one parent was an alcohol abuser who was sometimes physically abusive, and the other let it happen. Therapy really helped me learn how to maintain a relationship with both parents without letting their actions/in-actions directly hurt me anymore. If DH is really scared about his ability to be a parent and/or wants help figuring out the best way to deal with his parents now, therapy could really help. Also feel free to PPM me.
Thanks girls. We've discussed therapy before. He has tons of confidence in everything else, his parenting fears are just doubly-hard for him to deal with. It's so frustrating to watch them. They laugh when they say it, like its a joke, but its hurtful.
I'm going to bring up therapy again. He was open to it before, maybe he still will be.