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Leaving baby overnight- WWYD?

LizB214LizB214
in Attachment Parenting

I mostly just lurk here, but could use some advice.

DH's dad passed away suddenly on Saturday. We live about an hour from where the services will be. Calling hours are planned from 6-8 Wednesday night and the funeral is Thursday at 11. Our good friend, and DS's DCP, has offerred to take him over night on Wednesday.... and I'm not sure what to do. I've never left DS over night because he still nurses at night and we co-sleep after first waking. It would be really tough to leave him, but I know he'd be with someone he knows and trusts. I feel like DH really needs my full attention and support as his wife, but would hate for DS to freak being without me (and I might freak a little too).

 Thoughts?

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Re: Leaving baby overnight- WWYD?

  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    I still haven't left LO overnight, so I know where you're coming from on that one.

    LO has only just started STTN, in her own cot, consistently 3 weeks ago, so before that it didn't even feel like an option.

    I understand what you're saying about your DH needing you, but the three of you are a family unit and I don't think your DH would feel resentful or less supported because your LO was with you. He may even welcome the distraction of having LO around.

    Have you asked DH what he would prefer? 

    Are you guys directly involved in planning the funeral? Sometimes little jobs come up and it can be easier to run around and get things done without a LO on your hip. 

    I think your LO would be fine without you, especially as he'll be with someone familiar, so I'd do what is best for you and DH.

     ETA: I just reread my post and realised I didn't actually offer any real advice on what option you should choose. Good luck, and I'm very sorry for your husband's loss.

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  • notreallyirishnotreallyirish member

    Granted, my LO is quite a bit younger and is not even close to sleeping through the night, but if I were in your situation I don't think I would leave DS.  It doesn't seem like you feel he is ready and it might be really stressful for both of you.  The ideal situation would probably be to take him with you and have a sitter who could watch him during the visiting hours and funeral service and any other times you needed.  I don't know if this is an option for you, though.  Or could you maybe have your friend watch LO at her house for the evening, go to the visiting hours, come home and get LO for the night at your home, then take LO back to the friend's house in the morning while you go to the services?  That would be a lot of driving, but it might be worth it. 

    Also, like KateLouise said, you are a family and although DH does need special attention he most likely wouldn't feel you were neglecting him by attending to your child's ordinary needs, and having a LO around can often be uplifting in sad situations.

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  • Uiowachick01Uiowachick01
    Ovi sleeps through the night and I do not feel ok leaving him.  I know it's a rough time, but hopefully baby will lighten the mood and put a smile on your DH's face.
    AP, BWing, BFing, CDing, VBAC, Crunchy Mama to my handsome little 2 year old and squishy newbie! Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers Babywearing Leader to the DuPage Slingers www.DuPageSlingers.Blogspot.com
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  • flippy1234flippy1234
    Nope, I wouldn't leave LO overnight. Its only an hour away, why can't you drive back after? Then drive back in the morning
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  • erbearerbear member

    He's 15 months. He'll be fine. It's your husband's father's funeral and you have to go.  If he freaks out (and I don't think he will), he freaks out...it's one night and your husband's more important in this case.  Go to the funeral and leave your son with his DCP (who clearly knows and loves him!).

    Clearly, I'm in the minority here, but I think there are times when you have to put the wellbeing of someone else (in this case, your husband) in front of your kid.

    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
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  • terri_doula2010terri_doula2010 member

    I've had to leave my DS twice overnight. I didn't like it either time, but it was fine. He doesn't STTN and nurses, but he took a sippy cup when he was hungry and while he definitely got upset at times, his grandparents took good care of him every time he woke up.

     I honestly think he slept a little better after leaving him with someone else. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, especially  if it is for a good reason.

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  • LizB214LizB214

    Thanks ladies!

    I have family that could watch him during the funeral and visiting hours- in the the town where we'll be, so maybe I'll just do that and still sleep with DS (even if he's up a little later than normal).

     

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  • calico39calico39

    Hey, I'm mostly a lurker, but I just dealt with something similar.?

    My MIL died suddenly a few months ago. I decided not to leave DD. I actually brought her to the visitation. (She was very much a part of my MIL's life ?so I felt it was appropriate. She loved any chance to show her off) ?I had someone watch her during the service.?

    My husband and FIL said it was a comfort to have her around, that it was a reminder they still had a part of their wife and Mom with them?

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