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April 2011 Moms
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The Mother-in-law...sorry kind of long

torence101torence101
in April 2011 Moms

So I am kind of stuck in a pickle...We just recently moved into a new home and with our new home came finding out I was pregnant. Also, my mother in law needed a place to live so she moved in with us. I love her and she is a great person but living with her...totally different story.

With out getting too detailed she is a smoker (which I have said there will be no smoking in the house before and when the baby gets here) and she is just kind of dirty. She also has a lot of health problems and is over weight and is hard for her to walk which worries me as well. With that being said she doesnt work so my DH thinks it would be a good idea to have her babysit once the baby is born. Everytime he brings this up I start crying! I dont know if it is because of my hormones or what but I just dont trust her watching the baby!

I know it will help us money wise since we both have to work, but with her health and how stubborn she is with things, I know she wont do what I ask and I just don't trust her health. What if she falls and can't get up?? I guess I am just wondering if I am over reacting or what I should do about it!??

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Re: The Mother-in-law...sorry kind of long

  • ailidespainailidespain

    omg I don't blame you for not wanting her to watch lo, is your H not concerned with the things you mentioned? Seems strange that he wouldn't also have the same issues.

    No doubt its an awkward situation. Hopefully no one has mentioned to your MIL that she will be babysitting, that way if you decide to go with someone else she won't be hurt.

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  • ChellyL17ChellyL17

    I agree with your concerns and would probably go with a daycare center or someone else if I were you.  You need to feel safe with whoever you leave your child with.  I've been starting to stress recently trying to find a day care I'm comfortable with for ours. 

    But, if you do decide to go with your MIL, maybe you could get her one of those life alert necklaces so she could call for help if something happened?  Something like that might help your nerves a little...

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  • slprice79slprice79
    I'm sorry you are going thru this but dont let someone guilt you into leaving your child with someone you are not comfortable with. I told my own sister no she could not watch my child because she is a smoker. I quit smoking 6 months before we even started TTC for a reason. Even if your MIL says she will go outside and smoke when she's babysitting she will still come back in and pick your newborn up and your newborn will be exposed to it, not to mention left alone while she's outside smoking. My family rolls their eyes at me and gives me the "oh my god, are you even going to let me babysit" nasty comments all the time. I think being pregnant is already making me a stronger person though, I just let it roll off my back. Hope you can do the same!
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  • LuKeANdThEbEaNLuKeANdThEbEaN
    I definitely understand why you would be upset. It's terrifying leaving your baby with anyone, even if it's family. And you don't want the person caring for your child to have health issues, you also want to have the utmost confidence in the person. Newborns are demanding and if there's a risk of her falling I would be concerned. What if she was holding the baby and fell?  Sometimes it's better to bite the bullet with daycare and ensure that your child will be in the best environment while you're at work. GL!
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  • heyleeheylee member
    I don't blame you! There are people I don't want watching my kids either.
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  • torence101torence101

    Thank you so much everyone for your input! It really helps. I have just had a really hard time with it and its nice to hear from people who know what your going through. I quit smoking the second I found out I was pregnant so I understand it is hard to stop but I dont want it anywhere near my baby. Some people think its an over-reaction but my baby is way more important then anyones desire to smoke.


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  • Mrs S 08Mrs S 08 member

    I understand your concerns, and if that was me in that situation I would be putting my foot down.

    If you don't want to make a big deal about why you don't want her too, why don't you just say you don't want to depend on you MIL just bc she is living there. You would rather find an outside person, who isn't living with you. You can even give a BS reason, like you don't want to the baby to be confused on who is the "parent" when all 3 of you live together, or you don't want her not get to be grandma, bc she would then become an authority figure.Good luck!

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  • MG7MG7

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this but be honest with your DH now. Speaking from experience if you aren't 100% satisfied with your childcare situation you will be miserable.

    Just because someone is available and related doesn't automatically mean they should be used to watch your baby. Taking a LO out each morning to daycare is difficult but I think it would be much more difficult to leave your LO in a situation where you are not happy. 

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