Question for all of you single mamas

kiley&matt · December 2010

Hi everyone. I'm mostly just lurking, but will probably be on this board soon. I won't bore you with the details, but my husband is emotionally/verbally abusive and I am making a plan to leave him. My baby is due the end of February and I'm not sure if it would be better to leave before he's born or wait until after. I don't really have much money and I'm not really sure where I would go. I guess I was just hoping to get a little insight on what it's like to be a single mother. I'm a little scared to do this all on my own and I have no idea what to expect. If any of you have any experience with the situation I'm in, I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks!

achase123 · December 2010

Well, I would say to leave now. It sounds like it's not a healthy environment, and it sounds like you've already made your decision-why wait?

Being a single mom is very, very hard. I'm not going to lie. But it's also very rewarding. Depending on whether or not your ex gets some sort of custody or visitation, you may get some breaks. Or, you could be like the rest of us, and have an ex who isn't involved. That means that you are mommy and daddy 24/7. That's difficult, but not impossible.

I have a very strong network of friends and family. This helps a ton. Do you have a good support system.

kiley&matt · December 2010

I probably have a better support system than I think I do, but I don't really get to see my friends much anymore. I'm sure that if I went to them for help, they would be supportive, but I guess I just don't see anyone offering any support and I hate to ask for help

I know for sure that none of them would really be able to help me financially. I do have a job, but it's part time, so I would have to get a better job in order to support myself and I just don't know how easy it would be to get a decent job right now when I'm 7 months pregnant.

flykris03 · December 2010

achase123:

Well, I would say to leave now. It sounds like it's not a healthy environment, and it sounds like you've already made your decision-why wait?

Being a single mom is very, very hard. I'm not going to lie. But it's also very rewarding. Depending on whether or not your ex gets some sort of custody or visitation, you may get some breaks. Or, you could be like the rest of us, and have an ex who isn't involved. That means that you are mommy and daddy 24/7. That's difficult, but not impossible.

I have a very strong network of friends and family. This helps a ton. Do you have a good support system.

Couldn't of said it any better...! Yes

expectingnothing · December 2010

I know the future seems scary but you will be able to do it. If you can, take the pregnancy out of the equation and figure out what you'd do in terms of the relationship separate. If you'd leave right now if you were not pregnant, then you got your answer. You deserve to relax and enjoy the last couple months of your pregnancy. It will be scary to get out and live a life you hadn't quite pictured, but you will be ok. In fact, you will probably actually feel some relief. I pretty much thought that not being married to my H and being separated, living apart, would be the worst thing in the world, and after less than 3 months I can tell you I'm really happy! Way happier than I've been the last 2 years.

As for the single parenting, it's all you ever know if you leave him. So it won't be any harder because it's not like you are going to get a tremendous amount of help and then have no one around. I had an H around, and honestly have been single parenting since my kids were born. I didn't realize it until I lived alone, but virtually nothing has changed. There are chaotic times and frustrating times, but even on the worst days, bedtime eventually comes and you can unwind and get yourself back together again.

keychain01 · December 2010

You have to get rid of the whole "I don't want to ask for help". Being a single mom means asking for help when you need it. Its very tiring and I feel you should leave now. Things will only get worst with him right? Why put your pregnant self through that stress. I left ExFI when I was pregnant (best thing I ever did). Stay strong, pack your stuff and ask for help. You and your child will appreciate it in the long run.

jayrabbitt · December 2010

you will be shocked to learn how many people are waiting in the wings to reconnect with you after you leave your husband. A major recurring comment i got from friends was that my x was such a pieve of trash that they didn want to hang around me because he woudl HAVE to tag along on EVERYTHING i did. so my advice is leave now, so many positive opportunities will come your way.

kiley&matt · December 2010

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you, but I didn't really want to be on this site when my H was home. I really appreciate all of your suggestions and advice. I know you're right, that it probably would be best just to leave before the baby's born, but I'm really scared. Hopefully I can work myself up to it after the holidays and just get it over with.

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