WWTCCAL do? Brutal vent within...

Valco · December 2010

Hey ladies,

Need your advice...

My son was stillborn 5 weeks ago. I am at my parent's house to visit before X-mas. DH texts me yesterday that he "made out" with another woman on Friday.

Background: He knows this girl from work where he sees her from time to time. They are both reporters and they work the same beat but one for radio, one for a newspaper. They cover courts, where I am a prosecutor!

He and I went to my work party on friday then he dropped me off at the airport. After dropping me off at the airport he went out with some mutual friends to a bar where people from my work party also were. Apparently then he got sh*tfaced drunk and kissed her while they were dancing. That is all that happened because she then went home with our friend that she had been making out with also!

To add insult to injury, we had just made love the night before for the first time since losing Luke. Dr. had told us to wait 4-6 weeks and because I was going away we did it at 5 weeks.

DH is of course "so sorry" and is essentially saying he has a drinking problem which he thinks has gotten much worse since losing the second baby. he will do anything to make it up to me... blah blah blah.

I am humiliated and worried people from my work saw. I feel so betrayed and that my life is just one long nightmare I can't wake up from.

The worst part is that when I go home, my parents are coming with me so we can't really hash it out in person.

No wait, the worst part is that I have to see the skank at my work.

No wait, the worst part is... everything.

Thoughts?

jenniann87 · December 2010

I am so sorry you that you are having to deal with all of this. {{{HUGS}}}

I definitely agree with PP that counseling would be a good idea for you right now. You have alot to deal with. Im sorry and cant imagine how difficult all this must be on top of losing your son.

Temp774929562501329 · December 2010

::hugs:: i'm so sorry for what you are going through. that is horrible!!!

jen629 · December 2010

Gosh I don't even know what to say I am so sorry you are going through this[{{HUGS}}}}

Mrs.Albie · December 2010

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this on top of your loss. I have a few thoughts on the matter...first, total douche move on his part; however, I don't think its necessarily a red flag that there is something wrong with your relationship. You're both dealing with some heavy emotional stuff right now, AND there was large quantities of alcohol involved. I'm really perplexed at the coming clean through text message. That denotes a certain cowardess and lack of respect...definitely something to bring up when you guys talk about this. As for the not being able to hash it out right away, I think that's OK, as long as it doesn't go unsaid for too long. You guys may be able to steal away even with your parents there. Say you need a little couple time - given the recent loss alone, I'm sure they'd understand. Then you can take him out behind a box store and kick him in the balls. I'm really hoping that people at your work either didn't see it, or it didn't look that bad. Something like that can hurt your credibility, BUT again, I'm hoping that if people understand what you've recently been through, it will be a little easier for them to just turn a blind eye and/or let it go.

I'm really, really sorry that you're dealing with all of this. The loss alone is heartbreaking, and I'm so sorry.

TeamR&B · December 2010

I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with this after the loss of your son so recently. It must be tough to have to put this issue on the back-burner while you're visiting with your parents. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I agree with PP suggestion to seek counseling for dealing with the grief, drinking, and trust issues. Without knowing more about your relationship, I think that what YH did may be more about how he's handling his grief vs. the state of your relationship. Hopefully he recognizes how terribly he's behaved and will show you through his actions (i.e., stop drinking, get counseling).

Lastly, I can understand how humiliating it would be if your colleagues saw what happened, but try not to worry too much about what they think, especially if they are not your friends. (I'm sure this is easier said than done). They aren't in your relationship so they can't understand everything you're going through as a couple.

I know it won't happen overnight, but I hope things get better. (((HUGS)))

hbkises · December 2010

wow, I don't know what to say..I'm so sorry you're going through this

shoefreak85 · December 2010

I am very sorry you are having to deal with this on top of your loss. I don't have any advice, except maybe some counseling...(((HUGS)))

jinx75 · December 2010

(((BIG HUGE HUGS))) Without going into too much detail I can tell you that I know EXACTLY what you're going through with DH. PM me if you need to talk and I can tell you about it. We chose counseling and it saved our marriage. You all have been through a great deal and it can strain a marriage. What he did is inexcusable but I wouldn't toss him out on his arse just yet. He's hurting and I his action show that he doesn't have a grip on his emotions. That's why I suggest grief and marital counseling for you both. I know you can get through this but I feel terrible for you that on top of dealing with losing your precious baby your DH has added this stress to your lives. BTW I am not above revenge and a good throat punch for the ho-bag would be in order.

camdenfaithful · December 2010

(((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine that level of pain. Normally I'm all for string a guy up by his balls if he were to stray but this sounds like there is so much more going on. I definitely want to echo the other posters who suggested counseling. The fact that he told you right away says that he wasn't trying to be sneaky and it sounds as though he genuinely does feel bad about what happened.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. Good luck with whatever you decide.

tctibbe · December 2010

I'm so sorry. People have given you some really great advice, I completely agree that counseling would be very helpful. ((HUGS))

jertie · December 2010

I am so, so sorry that you are going through any of this. I can't imagine trying to cope with two monumental things like this in a span of 5 weeks. ((GIANT HUGS)) to you. Next, I agree with pp who recommended counseling or some sort of treatment for DH for his drinking problem. I would also arrange to speak with DH before you return home - or shortly thereafter. To address your final concern - try not to worry about what people at work think. If they saw anything, they are feeling nothing but sympathy for you and think that your H is an absolute d-bag. You are going to have a lot of people rallying around you at work and I'm certain that your H and that skank are both persona non grata. ((MORE HUGS))

snazzycyn · December 2010

I'm so, so sorry.

ColleenS629 · December 2010

Mrs. Julyan:
He texted you?! I'm so so sorry that you are having to go through this on top of losing your son. I don't really have any advice, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Maybe counseling would be a good thing for you, together and seperately to work on all your grief, his drinking, and this breach of trust. I'm so sorry, hon. Big hugs!!!!

This exactly. I'm so sorry.

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