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Attachment Parenting
amiserip
member
When is it appropriate to let LO CIO?
amiserip
member
He is so heavy and it's getting harder and harder to rock him to sleep. I still don't feel comfortable letting him CIO since he's only 5 months. But when is it considered appropriate to let him CIO, meaning what age is he purposely crying to stay awake when he is tired?
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Re: When is it appropriate to let LO CIO?
If he is heavy can you wear him until he falls asleep instead of carrying him in arms? My DS is 30 lbs - so really heavy to carry in arms if I'm walking with him to get him to sleep. If he doesn't fall asleep while nursing & needs a little extra soothing, I typically wrap him in a FWCC & walk around the house. It's soothing to him & I can easily unwrap him & lay him down without waking him.
I do not know the answer to your question about at what age he would be purposefully crying to stay awake so I will defer to the other ladies on this board. But I still don't think my DS is doing that at 8 mos & I surely didn't think he was doing it at 5 months.
He wakes up easily when transferred from my arms and a carrier so I don't want to do that either. This is our routine for naps: When he shows his sleepy signs, I carry him to his room and either swaddle from the waist down or put him in his sleep sack (depends what he is wearing). As soon as I lay him down to do this, he cries. I hurry as fast as I can then pick him up and rock him in the glider while we listen to ocean waves or lullabies. Also give him his pacifier when I know he wants it. We rock until he starts nodding off (he is a huge sleep-fighter too and watches me with one eye!). Once they stay closed for a couple minutes, I transfer him to the crib, but as soon as I try to get my hands out, he wakes up and starts kicking his legs to wake himself up. This can take anywhere from 2-5 attempts and it gets old quick. I don't mind rocking him, its the having to rock him several times before he decides its ok to stay in the crib. Sometimes it can take an hour and a half to get him to stay in the crib, with him waking himself up, and me rocking again. I know he is sleepy though so it's not a matter of forcing him to napy, you know? Any advice?
Well to answer your question I'd say when they can understand you telling them that's what is going to happen (as in "mommy is going to leave your room and you have to go to sleep now"). So probably close to 2 years.
My DS does the same thing as yours. Most of the time if I wait until 150 breaths after he spits out his paci he'll stay asleep when I get him down. But not always. I also try to put him down very slowly and keep my hands on him for a few minutes after I put him in the crib and remove one at a time.
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I don't want to use CIO for when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I'm wondering if I should lay him down once he's drowsy and if he lays there crying is that ok to do at his age?
IMO, no. He is only 5 months. Even CIO condonors usually say 6 months. Now maybe you could pat his back if he cries or talk to him softly if you really feel the need that he stay in bed instead of being rocked again.
I'm a big fan of doing what works and playing with things. I BF my LO to sleep for naps and DH walks LO to sleep for bed. He HATED his crib so he has a floor bed in his room, even at 6 months he likes this better for some reason.
Also if he is at a stage of needing extra snuggles I will bedshare while he naps. I'm doing this now, I use the time to do stuff I need/want to do on my laptop. Or I just wear him. Maybe just try a new place to nap or a new routine?
IMO, no. He is only 5 months. Even CIO condonors usually say 6 months. Now maybe you could pat his back if he cries or talk to him softly if you really feel the need that he stay in bed instead of being rocked again.
I'm a big fan of doing what works and playing with things. I BF my LO to sleep for naps and DH walks LO to sleep for bed. He HATED his crib so he has a floor bed in his room, even at 6 months he likes this better for some reason.
Also if he is at a stage of needing extra snuggles I will bedshare while he naps. I'm doing this now, I use the time to do stuff I need/want to do on my laptop. Or I just wear him. Maybe just try a new place to nap or a new routine?
Very well said, I completely agree with Fred that a 5 1/2 month old is not intentionally fighting their sleep. I think this is a personal decision that you and your DH need to decide. As pp said, the earliest that CIO is even recomended for is 6 months. Which IMO is still way to early, but it's all personal preference and everyone has their own reasons on doing CIO. But before you do any type of CIO, sleep training, I would read some books and figure out if any of those methods are what you want to do.
Thanks, everyone! I thought it was too early too. = )
Perhaps it's something as simple as you aren't rocking him long enough before trying to put him down. With DS, it's a fine line between when it's ok to try. Never less than 15 but usually not longer than 20 or so minutes. Just because he's snoring away and limp doesn't mean I can put him down. He needs to be like that for a while before he'll stay asleep.
Edit: I know you say he's heavy but sometimes the extra rocking and arms you can't feel are worth it in the long run. My 5 month old is 19lbs and 28in so I feel ya on the big baby.
Like I said...IMO. My opinion is in no way fact. Just what we do that works for us.I was just offering suggestions. I have PERSONALLY found that my LO goes through stages and if I follow them it is easier for all of us. If he sleeps better being worn or on a floor bed, swing, whatever why not? We are all happy. Just my experience.
I don't have two kids so it may change when we do. But I PERSONALLY am not a fan of CIO. It is not for our family. Who knows how this will change when we have another. But for now I don't agree that a baby needs to work it out by crying at that age. I'm also not a fan of sitting a toddler in front of the TV. You are right. BUT this is something I have no experience with. I have no idea how I would juggle it all. I guess I'll see won't I?
My LO can slee in a very noisy place in a back wrap. If my next LO is like this I could see it beg an option....
I agree. DS is a "sleep fighter" but I think it's just because he's too young to understand that sleep is what he needs to feel better. kwim? Anyway, you mentioned you only wait a few minutes after he's asleep to transfer. I think you need to wait longer until you LO is in a deeper sleep. If I wait 15 minutes, I can transfer DS. Also, just recently I've been able to transfer him drowsy and he'll protest for about thirty seconds while I rub his back and then he'll drift off. At your LO's age, if I would have tried this he would have cried hard and it would have escalated. I think your LO will grow out of this eventually!
this is my completely unprofessional opinion.
i think some babies need more help with falling asleep. you would think this would come natural to them-- when you're tired, you close your eyes and go to sleep-- but some babies just can't do that. they're overstimulated from the day's events. their minds are slow to calm. even their little arms and legs don't know how to wind down. my baby is such a fidgeter... no matter how tired she is, it takes her awhile to just be able to relax and stop moving.
the reason i haven't let my LO CIO is because i know she is just as frustrated with the situation as i am. i KNOW she's tired. i KNOW she wants to sleep. she just needs help figuring it out. so i will rock with her, bounce with her, sway with her. if and when i can get her to lay down in her crib, i will pat her back or butt until she calms (sometimes slow and steady, sometimes fast and quick like i'm dribbling a basketball). i will keep my hands on her well past the point of when she stops fidgeting. even if this means i have to kneel next to her crib and prop my head on the rails and take a little nap.
also, i try to keep in mind that everything i'm doing has to be boring enough for her to go to sleep. sometimes she's fighting sleep so much that i keep switching positions, keep humming different tunes, etc and all those changes re-interest her in staying awake. i have found that if i am rocking her and make a consistent, steady sound-- not exactly a hum but a noise like "hmm hmm..." then rock for 5 beats, then "hmm hmm" and rock for 5 beats, over and over, she nods off quicker.
only you can call when you and your little one are ready for CIO. good luck to you mama!
You might want to consider the baby whisperer's pick up/put down method.
It has some crying, but you stay with Lo the whole time and you pick him up if he cries.
basically you rock Lo until drowsy, and then put him in his cot. You shush and pat his back. If his grizzling builds to a cry, you pick LO and rock him until he's calm, then you put him back down.
I found our Lo would get distracted and start to play if I sat beside her cot, so if she was happy and calm I would leave her room. As soon as she grizzled, I returned and patted her back.
I loathe the baby whisperer's writing style, but I did find her ideas around sleep useful.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I really like your perspective on the matter. And it sounds like our LOs have the fidgeting thing in common. I don't think DS ever shuts down lol.
Instead of trying several times to put him down, just rock him for 30-45 minutes while you're watching tv or something. Make sure he's good and asleep and then put him down. That's my only advice b/c it's what I do.
yep the books do say 4 months generally for CIO. but all of those are just guidelines, you just have to do what feels right. we did CIO at 11 months, but looking back i think around 8 months would have worked -- for us, it was when we KNEW she was tired and knew she was sleepy but we just couldn't keep her down in the crib. you can do whatever method of CIO that you want - we did the gradual checks, but i would pick her up in between (big no no!) and sing short song to calm her, then leave again, repeat...
also i think the OP only has one child so i'm responding from that same perspective. obviously it would be a different story if we had more children. my friend wears the new baby for the entire nap in a Moby while playing with the toddler... who knows what would work for us.
but until the point of CIO, we spent a LOT of time trying to keep her down for naps and bedtimes... it was rough. you can just wear LO for the entire nap, or snuggle on the bed maybe? could you try sitting on a bed and rocking LO/singing, until asleep, and then just slowly leaning over to put LO on the bed next to you? i would do this, leaving my arm under DD when i put her on the bed, and then very slowly removing it while keeping my other hand on top of her belly... you can then just stay on the bed but have your own space to read/etc, it's still a bit of a break!
good luck!