Baby shower? No one's around!

ikastuart · December 2010

My husband and I are stationed at Fort Bliss..well he is stationed here while I got out in August. I am 22 weeks pregnant and want to have my baby shower at around 30-32 weeks..I don't want to be super tired and I work from 8-5 everyday..but the problem is..I don't have anyone here throw me one!

I want a shower with people from my old office and my friends and my husband's and my friends..but I feel like it's tacky/rude to ask someone to throw it for me! HELP! What should I do?

Roundrockgal79 · December 2010

Mine was thrown by my work who also included my family and anyone else that I wanted. Turned out it was a good thing they did one since my friends here didn't do one at all...I had mistakenly thought they would so I didn't have them invited to the work/family shower. Oh well!

Do you have a friend or is there someone you work with now that you think would throw you one? Since you're wanting a mixed shower maybe you should talk to a family member about it (mom,sister, cousin, etc) and kind of plant the seed about them organizing one but your house actually being the location for it. Unless someone is doing it as a surprise I don't see why they couldn't ask you for a guest list -- that's what mine did.

ikastuart · December 2010

I know that my work had all said they would throw me one, but I just started in October and we're leaving in June/July after the baby's born, so I won't be back to work after April..so now I think they feel a little shafted and I don't think that they will be doing one. I know my IL's are planning on doing one, but that's for at home with all of our family and friends there..We have friends here but none that are exclusively my female friends or friends that I'm super close to throw it.

GracieLou Freebush · December 2010

Ok, I'll be the first meanie...

ikastuart:
I know my IL's are planning on doing one

Lucky girl. Stop complaining.

Your sig is also out of control.

ikastuart · December 2010

They're doing it at home..my husband's home..not my home. I want one here where at least I have a few friends..which unfortunately is here..and I shouldn't say I know they are planning one, since we aren't planning on going home anytime before the baby is born after Christmas. So I guess I should have clarified and you should be nicer.

Your attitude is also a little out of control.

ChawieandKikikat · December 2010

Yes. It is tacky and rude to ask someone to throw you a shower. It's even more tacky and rude to ask people you don't really know that well to throw you a shower. If they don't throw you one, you're just S.O.L.

GracieLou Freebush · December 2010

ikastuart:
They're doing it at home..my husband's home..not my home. I want one here where at least I have a few friends..which unfortunately is here..and I shouldn't say I know they are planning one, since we aren't planning on going home anytime before the baby is born after Christmas. So I guess I should have clarified and you should be nicer.

Your attitude is also a little out of control.

I'm sorry that you don't like to hear what I have to say.

Your post comes off as whiny; as if you feel entitled to a shower. Showers are not a right. No one is required to throw you a shower.

Would it be great if someone is gracious enough to throw you a shower? Sure. Should you go digging around for one? No.

1momma · December 2010

eh gracielou is right, I didnt get one, not a big deal. Stop whining about it.

The_Spanish_Inquisition · December 2010

Yes, it is tacky and rude to ask for a shower. Or to drop hints to get people to ask if you'd like one.

If you want a party to celebrate the birth of your child, throw a "meet the baby" party after he/she is born. You get to socialize with your friends, and they get to meet the new little one.

Many of us have been in the same situation. Unfortunately, thems the breaks in the military.

emylos · December 2010

Ditto what the others have said. Unfortunatly thats just how things happen with life in the military sometimes. I did not have a shower for my first child because we hadn't been at our base long, didn't know many people and all my family & friends were too far away. Also because of DH's training, I didn't get to go home anytime close to when I was due so I just didn't have a shower at all. And because it's thought you don't need a shower with baby #2 (we really didn't because they were so close in age), no shower again.

Even if it's not all the people you'd like to celebrate with, be grateful that there are people who want to put a shower together for you and celebrate the anticipated arrival of your little one. Focus on the things that you will have and try not to worry about the other things that may/may not happen.

iluvmytxrgr · December 2010

I'm going to ditto the other ladies. If there is no one there wanting to throw you a shower with out you asking, host a "meet the baby" dinner or open house.

ashley_marie_1985@yahoo.com · December 2010

I love the idea of a meet the baby party,

I am sending out baby shower invites when the time comes. It's more or less everyone who gets one, sits at home with a cup of tea and pray for us and think of us for a little while! Gifts can be sent to blah blah blah... At the set time and date I will be webcaming with the husband who will be deployed! Should be fun. All my family is across the country and female friends are few and far between!

Dericaisblessed · December 2010

I know exactly how you feel. I'm stationed in Fort Bliss as well and I was wondering the same thing, but if I don't get one it'll be okay. I like what someone posted, they said throw a "Meet the Baby" party after he's born. That's a good idea. If you don't get a shower it'll be alright...being a military spouse sucks sometimes, I'm a witness!!!!

The_Spanish_Inquisition · December 2010

ashley_marie_1985@yahoo.com:

I love the idea of a meet the baby party,

I am sending out baby shower invites when the time comes. It's more or less everyone who gets one, sits at home with a cup of tea and pray for us and think of us for a little while! Gifts can be sent to blah blah blah... At the set time and date I will be webcaming with the husband who will be deployed! Should be fun. All my family is across the country and female friends are few and far between!

This is an interesting concept. So you're going to ask people to send you gifts, and then sit home and think/pray/drink tea at a predetermined time while you skype with your DH? The "invitees" don't even get to see you via webcam at the time this shower is happening?

Maybe I've misunderstood.

I'm sorry, but I really hope you reconsider this idea as time goes on. That's not a baby shower, that's you sending out a gift invoice and giving nothing shower-like in return.

GracieLou Freebush · December 2010

ashley_marie_1985@yahoo.com:
I love the idea of a meet the baby party,

I am sending out baby shower invites when the time comes. It's more or less everyone who gets one, sits at home with a cup of tea and pray for us and think of us for a little while! Gifts can be sent to blah blah blah... At the set time and date I will be webcaming with the husband who will be deployed! Should be fun. All my family is across the country and female friends are few and far between!

Wait. You're sending out your own invites...so you're throwing yourself a shower? AND you're going to include "gifts can be sent to blah blah blah!?"

Are you people kidding me!?

ChawieandKikikat · December 2010

ashley_marie_1985@yahoo.com:

I love the idea of a meet the baby party,

I am sending out baby shower invites when the time comes. It's more or less everyone who gets one, sits at home with a cup of tea and pray for us and think of us for a little while! Gifts can be sent to blah blah blah... At the set time and date I will be webcaming with the husband who will be deployed! Should be fun. All my family is across the country and female friends are few and far between!

Your concept of a "Meet the Baby" party is no less tacky than going up to people and asking them to throw you a shower.

Etchylee · December 2010

ChawieandKikikat:
Yes. It is tacky and rude to ask someone to throw you a shower. It's even more tacky and rude to ask people you don't really know that well to throw you a shower. If they don't throw you one, you're just S.O.L.

This.

mysticl · December 2010

GracieLouFreebush*:
ashley_marie_1985@yahoo.com:
I love the idea of a meet the baby party,

I am sending out baby shower invites when the time comes. It's more or less everyone who gets one, sits at home with a cup of tea and pray for us and think of us for a little while! Gifts can be sent to blah blah blah... At the set time and date I will be webcaming with the husband who will be deployed! Should be fun. All my family is across the country and female friends are few and far between!
Wait. You're sending out your own invites...so you're throwing yourself a shower? AND you're going to include "gifts can be sent to blah blah blah!?"
Are you people kidding me!?

My interpretation was that everyone would be sitting down to think of them at the time of the birth, and the webcam would be for her husband at the time of the birth. That's what I think of when someone says "when the time comes". With that understanding the only part that kind of bugged me was the specific gift request. But if that's not the case then I don't really get it. Clarification please on what you meant.

Back to PP like most others said it's just like your wedding if no one offers you don't get one. And the thing about a new baby is that you will probably get gifts anyhow, people love to buy baby gifts. I send gifts for the birth even if I didn't attend or get invited to a shower.

Lithigin · December 2010

You can want whatever you want, but post this same thing on the Baby Shower board and you'll get flamed to high hell. A shower is a gift from a good friend or loving family member. Frankly, you said they aren't very good friends, so I wouldn't expect one. And you certainly shouldn't start asking your at-home family to throw you on in El Paso.

With that said, I understand wanting to be celebrated a bit wherever you're stationed, as it gets lonely. I have thrown two mini-showers for 4-8 people in attendance, one when were at OBC (BOLC now) and one when a bunch of us from the CCC had just arrived at Bragg. It meant a lot to those moms (who I barely keep in touch with now) to just have a little lunch party with a few gifts and games, and I was happy to do it for them. Hopefully your friends in El Paso will feel the same way.