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2nd Trimester
Whose gonna be in room with you?
So right now my plan is to have BF and my mom in there because of course I want BF on there since its his child and my mom because she can always comfort me and this is my first child well BF seen my birth plan on my dresser tonight and threw a fit because I didnt want his mom in the room when i was having LO. And at first I was like "uhm im having this baby not you and honestly I hate your mother" but then I got to thinking about it and yes I hate his mother but he also hates mine. And its my moms first girl grandchild but its his mother first grandchild altogether. So now im kinda feeling guilty for not wanting her int he room but for wanting my mom in there too. Plus our moms don't get along and I dont need that while trying to push this child out lol
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Re: Whose gonna be in room with you?
As of now I am just planning on having my BF in the room. At this point I'm really not comfortable with anybody else in the room with us.
Me too.
But even if things were different I wouldn't want my MIL there, it doesn't matter how much I like her I just wouldn't feel right about it. The birth of your child is one time you shouldn't try to be peacemaker. Have who you want there, there is nothing wrong with saying "no" - its a very special & private time.
I'm probably having a repeat-c so just DH (haven't decided on whether to try for a VBAC or not) but even if I wasn't having a c/s I would still only have DH. I am very close with both my mom and my MIL but this is a moment that I want DH and I to share privately.
IMO your BF/DH/SO does not have a say in who gets to be in the room. You need to have the whomever gives you the most comfort and support. The last thing anyone needs while trying to have a baby is to have someone in there who will make them uncomfortable or that may be a drama-filled situation (this can actually hinder the birthing process).
Whatever your plan is, make it crystal clear ahead of time.
From my experience, I was wishy-washy and told one person yes, a couple others no and I ended up having 4 people plus my husband stick around. Originally I wanted just my husband to be there but once again, I didn't really voice myself and before I knew it, it was a party in my room.
Everyone was so excited and I didn't have it in me to kick them out and ultimately it made me feel uncomfortable to have everyone's eyes on me. Next time around when I have a better idea of what to expect, then I'll let them all know that it's a private event.
It will be DH and me and the hospital staff. My mom told me that she thinks birth is a special time between a husband and wife (referring to me and DH) so she doesn't feel comfortable being in the room. I don't care for my MIL so no way is she going to be in the room with me. Actually, after I get to the extremely painful part of labor I'm kicking everyone out and no one's getting a call to come see me until after I'm in my own room and cleaned up.
You're certainly not obligated to let your BFs mother in the room regardless. But think about just how much your BF and your own mother don't get along and whether there would be drama during the delivery. You don't need that either.
I'm expecting my mother to be much more help to me when I first leave the hospital rather than during labor and delivery itself. Just because I'll be on my own then, not surrounded by staff. Well, DH will be there too of course but there will be both me and the baby needing attention. That's too much for one person.
While I'm laboring, I'm fine with having our immediate families with me (my parents, DH's parents and grandparents, my grandpa if he wants to be there), but when I'm actually pushing, I'll be in the OR so there's no debate. Only DH and my team of doctors/nurses will be there. Since there's a good chance I'll need a C-section, I have to deliver in the OR even if it's a vaginal delivery. So I have the perfect excuse to kick everyone else out, which was the plan anyway
As much as your BF might be upset by your birth plan, he's not the one that has to push LO out. If you're comfortable with it, maybe you can allow your BF's mom in the room while you're in labor, but kick her out when you're pushing. You need to be as stress-free as possible while you're giving birth. Make the decision that you're comfortable with. There will be plenty of time for you BF's mom to see her grandbaby after he/she's out. Just my opinion, though, take it for what it's worth!
My family will be in there until we get closer to pushing, then it will be just my husband and I in the room while she is delivered and a little while afterwards. We want that bonding time just the three of us then we will invite family back in.