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Could you give your 6 yr old away?

sunshiny79sunshiny79 member
in Parenting

Obviously I don't think any of you really would but I found out today that someone I met a few months ago was given up for adoption when he was 6 yrs old and his mother kept his 2 yr old sister.

They are reuniting for the holiday b/c she found him on Facebook and the only excuse she gave him was that she didn't have the time to work full time and cart him around to school...huh?

His father walked out when he was 2. The mother has since gotten married and they have another son.

I was almost in tears. I can't even imagine ever having my kids for 6 yrs and then just giving them away and never seeing them again. I've had bad days but come on!!!

He's not expecting much out of this visit and actually has plans with a friend if he needs to bail. He told me that his parents (the ones who raised him) are really great people and raised him well.

Mommy to three adorable boys!
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Re: Could you give your 6 yr old away?

  • ilovemygirlsilovemygirls member
    That actually happened to my mom. Why?  Because the her mom was going to marry didn't want her.  So she chose this man over her own child.  I am blessed to have an incredible mother who is NOTHING like her own.
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  • susan1017susan1017 member

    My heart breaks for him! She must have been mentally ill to do such a terrible thing. Not an excuse but since he had wonderful people who raised him it sounds like he got the better end of the deal that those poor, unfortunate, children she kept. I may have oversimplified and I'm sure he has residual issues because of what happened to him. I'm glad he is going into the situation with his eyes open and with low expectations. Poor guy. I hope he isn't hurt again by his 'mother'.

     

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  • sunshiny79sunshiny79 member

    imageilovemygirls:
    That actually happened to my mom. Why?  Because the her mom was going to marry didn't want her.  So she chose this man over her own child.  I am blessed to have an incredible mother who is NOTHING like her own.

    That's so sad, I just can't imagine ever making a decision like that. 

    Mommy to three adorable boys!
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  • sunshiny79sunshiny79 member
    imagesusan1017:

    My heart breaks for him! She must have been mentally ill to do such a terrible thing. Not an excuse but since he had wonderful people who raised him it sounds like he got the better end of the deal that those poor, unfortunate, children she kept. I may have oversimplified and I'm sure he has residual issues because of what happened to him. I'm glad he is going into the situation with his eyes open and with low expectations. Poor guy. I hope he isn't hurt again by his 'mother'.

     

    I'm worried about him getting hurt again too. I hope that he finds what he is looking for.

    Mommy to three adorable boys!
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  • joseysbridejoseysbride member

    Have you ever seen The Locator?  I've seen situations like this on there, and I just cannot even fathom it.  Forty, fifty, sixty years ago, I can kind of understand it.  A woman's husband leaves her, her family has disowned her for getting pregnant as a teenager, and there is absolutely no way she can continue to support her child.  Back in those days, women did not always work and they certainly did not have the resources we have now.

    I really do belive there could be situations back then where it was the best thing for the child, but there are a lot of selfish people out there, too.

    I had seen one where the mom left her three daughters with their dad for the weekend and never came back.  Just disappeared.  Her husband had been severly abusive to her, and she couldn't take it anymore.  He beat the crap out of all three of those girls their whole lives until they were old enough to leave.  When The Locator found her, she had a whole new life with a husband and kids and they had no idea her three daughters even existed.  She did not want to see them.  How absolutely awful.

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  • joseysbridejoseysbride member

    imageilovemygirls:
    That actually happened to my mom. Why?  Because the her mom was going to marry didn't want her.  So she chose this man over her own child.  I am blessed to have an incredible mother who is NOTHING like her own.

    Wow.  As a mother, I can't even wrap my mind around that. Sad

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  • lildevil968lildevil968 member
    The same thing happened to my MIL when she was 4. Her Mother gave her away to her aunt because she hated her. 4 years later when the aunt died MIL went back to her mothers house, and she was in a living hell until she was 17 and moved out. Her mother to this day still treats her like dog sh*t, and hates her kids.

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  • veloelleveloelle member
    My DH and his brother were adopted, and the older 2 siblings stayed with the dad. It was very complicated, divorce, mental illness. His bio parents BFF's adopted DH and BIL. There could be a lot more to her story.
    DD 7.28.06 * DS 3.29.10
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    Christmas 2011
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  • EdithBouvierBealeEdithBouvierBeale

    hmmm. I was just wondering if anyone would be interested in a free 3.75 year old...?

    maybe a piercingly shrill 23 month old?

    just kidding- no I can NOT imagine ever parting with them...I imagine she had a lot going on mentally to be able to, but it sounds like he won in the end with a stable and loving upbringing?

    poor guy.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • JenninMAJenninMA member

    My best friend while I was growing up was adopted and her mother gave her up at 3. She didn't remember her parents at all and as a kid I didn't think too much about it, but now as a mother I can't imagine a parent giving up a three year old.

    Nadia Irene 8/13/07 Reid Owen 8/18/09
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  • shiloh17shiloh17
    This happened to my fil and his sister. Their parents put him in an orphanage at 6yrs old. His sister was 8 yrs. There were 4 kids in their family, and they couldnt afford to keep all 4--so they got rid of the two oldest. They never got adopted, and my fil went into the navy at 17. His sister got out at 17, and worked. They never found their parents or siblings. Its sad.
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  • RoRed5RoRed5

    DH has a similar story.  He was a little younger, about 2, and his mother told his father to choose between them.  FIL chose DH, obviously.  Apparently DH has 2 older half-siblings that also live with their dad for the same reason.  Obviously DH's mother had issues.  She has lived within 5 miles of him his entire life (he's 42) and they have no relationship.

    I just don't get it.

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