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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Resentful of DH
I have tried to talk to him numerous times about it, but he just doesn't seem to get it.
I am SO tired of talking about him going to the gym. I am tired of hearing how he needs work out clothes. I am tired of hearing how none of his polos fit anymore because his arms are too big. I am tired of him saying he needs new jeans because all the ones he owns are too big.
I am jealous because I don't get the opportunity to go to the gym like he does. I have to take care of a baby. He seems to just be along for the ride. I don't get to get up early to go to the gym, because I have to pump and get me and the baby ready for our day. I don't get to go in the evening because I work 10 hour days, and have to come home to cook and get her ready for bed.
The days I have off I am either taking Lucy to the dr, early intervention, or trying to get caught up on my housework. I wish I just had someone to take care of the baby so I could do whatever I wanted to do, and when she cries just hand her off to someone else. (I don't really but you get my jist.)
vent over.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Resentful of DH
I would definitely try talking to him again. Tell him exactly how you feel about everything - do not sugar coat anything. Tell him that you are becoming resentful of him and how he is not doing his part with the child rearing, etc.
It seems like he may have issues with the adjustment to parenthood. Maybe if you start the conversation and try to uncover his feelings as well, he will begin to recognize your feelings.
Don't discount his feelings. He may be having a hard time adjusting so he is using the gym as his escape from reality. Talk to him about this.
We had a similar conversation (ok, fight) at our house recently. My dh goes to the gym 4 nights per week. That means that he doesn't come home until 8:15pm those nights (ds goes to bed by then). He's lost 25 lbs in 3 months. Meanwhile, I feel like a fat cow and look terrible. I haven't lost any weight and I'm exhausted. I had a huge meltdown. We ended up agreeing that he would be entirely responsible for ds on Thursday nights (the night he doesn't go) and for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday so that I could do whatever I wanted. That means I can go to the gym, I can get a pedicure, take a nap...whatever. Wev'e been doing that for two weeks now and it really has helped me. I haven't gone to the gym yet but I have felt more rested so I've been taking ds and the dogs for walks every night (the nights that I have him).
You need some help. You can't do it all on your own.
I know exactly where you're coming from. My DH is a diehard workout man and he would just come home from work after I had worked all day and cooked and cleaned up and took care of DD, and he'd just eat, change clothes and go to the gym for 1-2 hours and leave me there by myself. I wanted to go workout too but guess what, I can't take her with me, so after I kept talking to him every day how I'd like to get back into working out he finally agreed to me joining Curves and I'd go as soon as we ate and he'd stay there with DD and then he'd go to the gym after I got home and showered. It's working out really well now but it took forever to get it into his head that I'm not someone who can or will workout at home and that my body image is just as important as his. Keep talking to him until you can figure something that will workout, it took me a good month or longer to finally get him to see my side.
I had to schedule everything from gym to my time. It works so much better with a giant family schedule. Can you sit down together and map it out? Once I put into words the time that he and I got "off" we both realized it was a little one sided. Now we both get time by ourselves, time together without josephine, and we map fun activities to do as a family as well. That way when he comes home he gets to say "ok, its your time, go go to the gym." And I do the same.
I schedule everything.
Ditto what AggieDee said.
I hope he listens and things get better. GL!
i am right there w/ you. but i am lucky in that dh works 5 days on, 5 days off (granted we lose 1 to catching up sleep but still). i know he works long shifts and has a long commute, but that still leaves me w/ everything at home (and its a way longer than 12 hour shift here!). plus hes so into sports etc hes fit and losing weight while i m feeling huge and miserable in my skin. our plan (well mine, but he will be going along w/ it) is to set days where it will be my turn for some time off - either to go out or for them to go out so i can have the house to myself.
i agree too about the talking about it, sometimes they just dont get it. and i agree w/ pp. he might just be having a hard time adjusting (i think my dh is). keep trying!
thats what we do too. In fact...its time for my morning potty break...
::scampers off to go pee::