SAHM vs Working mom

Lelly · December 2010

So I was asked how I feel about being a SAHM by SO. Never thought about this because 1.) I was the bread winner in the house, and 2.) didn't have kids (kind of obvious when you think about it)

So I guess if this works out with SO, it could be a possibility. I think he would prefer it. I have advanced in my career though. Not sure I am willing to give it up.

I can say I would do what's best for (make-believe) family but I can't give a definite yes or no.

If you could be SAHM, would you?

Dr.Loretta · December 2010

Why would he prefer it.

I'm a SAHM and I love it. A few caveats:

I have a PhD and was pretty advanced in my "career"

"Career" is in quotes because, while I loved my job, I didn't see it as something I wanted to do forever and I was perfectly willing to cut out the commute, travel, and long hours to stay home with DD. For me, it really was more like "just a job" than a career I was building to get to some ultimate goal.

We live in a fairly LCOL area and DH makes a good salary (with bonus), so we could definitely live on one salary. Not always possible.

DH and I had decided long before DD that I would be a SAHM for at least the first few years, if not longer.

I am in a field where moms stay home for a few to several years and can make a pretty easy transition back into my job/company.

And there are options, depending on your field. I took mat leave, went back FT for a month, and went to FT SAHM. But I still freelance, 8-10 hours a week. It keeps my hand in things, brings in some $, and lets me stay home.

BUT some people either can't or won't SAH. I've had friends and co-workers who loved every minute of it, and others who went so far as to cut their mat leave short because they didn't want to stay home.

pmarie33 · December 2010

Not full-time.

Jenny829 · December 2010

I am a SAHM, and I love it. I am lucky enough that my H does really well in his job and can take care of us. Its something I always wanted, and he was really supportive of it. I liked my job, but it was never anything I was really passionate about.

Serendipitie · December 2010

I don't have a career, just a job, and one that I hate to boot. I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat.

Of course I would need to give birth first.

staycee · December 2010

My DH would need to somehow double his income to be able to minimally afford it. But if that happened, ultimately I would stay at home if I could.

Mainer-in-Texas · December 2010

It's funny you ask this because I've been thinking about it lately. I am a SAHM, it's what I always wanted and what DH and I both wanted before we were married. I hated my job and was psyched to finally be able to do what I always wanted.

However, I was always an overachiever and worked really hard in school and somewhat-hard at my job, and I am Type A and a control freak. Being a SAHM has been harder than I EVER imagined. DD had colic, acid reflux, and a milk allergy, and she has been a terrible sleeper. I have done sooo much to try to help her sleep/feel better, a lot doesn't work, and it's been really hard for me to adjust to not having control over things. She also won't take a bottle, nurses every 2 hours, and takes very short naps, so I NEVER get a break and am exhausted and have days where I feel like I am losing my freaking mind. DH has been telling me I need to consider going back to work, and it breaks my heart. At first I just blew him off, but now I have actually entertained the idea, but I am not ready to "give-up" on this SAHM gig yet.

Anyway, I feel a little weird posting this on an IF board, but I wanted to answer honestly. I absolutely love my daughter and am so grateful for her, and having experienced IF makes the hard days easier because I know how lucky I am. But, before I had her I didn't understand how some people said they could never be a SAHM. Now I totally get it.

yogisunam · December 2010

In a perfect world I would work part time.

BallSox · December 2010

I'd be a sahm if I could. But, that being said, I'd probably only be able to do it until they were in school FT.

Nikki1007 · December 2010

I am a SAHM and I can imagine it any other way. I lost my job while I was pregnant and was them put on bed rest very son after, then with losing Logan and Lily being in the NICU, then having a preemie at home etc., there was no way I could have looked for a job if I had wanted to. Now I can't imagine leaving her, just the though gives me panic attacks (I have PTSD now too, which does not help the whole leaving her thing)

QCinOct · December 2010

I could never be a permanent SAHM. I invested too much in my career school-wise (10 years of university!) and I enjoy what I do. Plus I make twice as much as DH. Even while I'm on my year long mat leave I'm doing some work because taking the year off, while permitted by law, isn't feasible in my career. If I really took the year off, it would be career suicide

murphyec · December 2010

If I could work 2 - 3 days a week, I would be soooooo happy.

LadyDelilah · December 2010

lurking but if I could be at home I would be but this and having another baby probably wont be in the cards for us if I dont work... IVF costs a pretty penny and thats mainly what my income goes to...

Lelly · December 2010

BallSox:
I'd be a sahm if I could. But, that being said, I'd I probably only be able to do it until they were in school FT.

This is what I was thinking and even maybe doing PT before that.

Dr L - Thank you for that option because reality I could do the same. I'm in a field that I have to take class hours every year to keep up-to-date anyways so leaving a couple years and stepping back into my field is very possible too. I can also freelance now that I think about it.

JenniferL923 · December 2010

murphyec:
If I could work 2 - 3 days a week, I would be soooooo happy.

mb~zf · December 2010

Hardest gig I've ever had but I'm glad we have been able to make it work.

Stacy092306 · December 2010

I would love, love, love to be a SAHM, but we need the two incomes to attempt IVF again since we are OOP and to move to a new house. It would also be career suicide for me because once you are out of the legal field for a while, it is nearly impossible to break back into it.

heather_09_15_07 · December 2010

It's not really an option for us unless DH were to get a huge promotion or salary increase.

Hypothetically speaking though, I don't think I'd be happy SAH full time. I think PT working half days or something would be good.

Anasara · December 2010

By the time we have kids I may be able to do private practice license wise; if not I would consider per diem (make my own hours). DH is a college prof so his schedule is fluid every semester & my mom is in real estate so her schedule is also fexible; between the 3 of us I'm hoping we can avoid day care @ least.

E_sharp · December 2010

I thought that all I wanted was to be a SAHM, but I really just find it way too isolating. The fact that I have no family nearby, and no nearby GFs, probably has something to do with it. I really need to work. Aside from needing the human interaction, I like having padding in our budget, and not being totally broke (which we would be, on one salary). I hate that I feel like someone else is raising my kid, but I do feel like the socialisation is good for him. I used to feel like that was just me rationalising the guilt away, but I really do think its good for him.

I am frankly, a little afraid of this coming year. I might literally go mad.

gidge · December 2010

If we could swing it financially, I think I would at least like to try staying at home full time and then maybe part time once the kiddos start school.

Most days I feel like my job is just that - more of a job than I a career (and it's not anything close to my area of study). I like it but would mostly miss the social aspect.

trishinbanff · December 2010

I would love to be a SAHM, although after a year of mat leave I might change my mind.

S&J306 · December 2010

We have talked about this very topic many times. My job is FT only so there is no PT option. I would like to be SAHM or P/T SAHM but we could not afford the loss of income and the addition of insurance (and other bills) since DH's work ins sucks. I do love working and pulling in a paycheck but I am so scared of missing milestones with my kids one day. I with we ladies did not have to make these decisions and life went the way our grandparents lived it.

PS- I love every one of you ladies and this board makes me feel like I have the biggest group of sisters around.

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