Rough couple of days - very sad

nirern626 · December 2010

On Monday, I was working and got a call for a cardiac arrest. It was a 21 month old little girl. I couldn't save her. She was home with a babysitter and her parents had to be notified by the police. I was still at the ER when they arrived. The sound her mother made when she was told the news was such raw pain I had to leave. I've had a hard time with it, feeling like I failed her. It doesn't matter what people say to me, I hurt for the loss of such a young life, and for her parents. I already love my little bug so much I can't even imagine what they must be going through. I've had a few nightmares, in one I was in labor and ended up giving birth to a dead baby. I've been laying low since then, not really talking to anyone but DH and my BFF who is also a paramedic. I pray none of us ever has to experience this in our own lives.

susieandmarty · December 2010

sounds very tough. take sometime and allow yourself to move past it. It is hard, but i hope that you find a lot to celebrate. it can be hard not to dwell on the negative. but i hope you are able to.

nowayamyrae · December 2010

That's terrifying.. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

cvl105 · December 2010

That is so sad. I'm so sorry.

Becky262 · December 2010

I can't imagine

Is there someone you can talk to through work?

JavaVino910 · December 2010

That is so sad. I'm sure that you know that you did everything in your power to save her. Take care of yourself and keep talking to the people you trust. I hope you start to feel better soon.

DreamChaser246 · December 2010

Ugh, that is a very rough call to take! DH used to be an EMT working 911 calls and it was very hard hearing the stories, I couldn't imagine being there. T&P for you and the girl and her family.

I hope that the nightmares for you stop. *hugs*

Magenta728 · December 2010

God, that is so awful. I am so sorry for the family, and for you for going though that.

nirern626 · December 2010

Thank you for your kind words and support ladies, it really does make a difference. We do have a support system called critical incident stress debriefing which has been offered to me. I am dealing with it in my own way, talking to those I trust the most. I am ok, and getting better everyday. It's one of those occasions that God's will was stronger than the medicine and I have to accept that.

MommaA117 · December 2010

so very sad. I'm sorry.

kattyleigh · December 2010

Girl that is really really rough and I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I can somewhat relate because I'm a pedi RN on a PICU floor and see some seriously awful stuff. It seems like brain tumor after brain tumor after heart condition after meningitis... It is super hard being pregnant and a mom watching all of these poor parents struggle with the news. There is nothing you can say to them. Please try to keep you head up and know that what we see is NOT the norm. Our babies will be healthy and loved and that is all we can ask. Maybe you should get together with your BFF since she understands what you are going through?

markyslove · December 2010

That is a really difficult thing to experience. I'm so sorry.

erinlovesdavid · December 2010

Your post literally has me in tears at my desk. My heart breaks for that family, and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Of course you did everything that you could, and there are no words that can take away the pain. Be good to yourself. ((big hugs))

mskolman · December 2010

So sorry you had to go through this. It definitely puts life into perspective, doesn't it? We spent 99 days in the CICU with our son after he was born and we saw some things that definitely gave us nightmares. And of course, they were all babies or young kids. It is hard. Give yourself some time to process it all and keep talking about it with your DH and friend.

MelanieAdam0707 · December 2010

Oh that is awful. For the family and for you. I am so sorry. You should really find someone you can talk to about this - it can really help. I know when I hear something hard at work (not that it is comparable to a death) I often try to find someone to share it with so I can let some of it go and not become mine. Its definitely harder when youre pregnant and have such strong emotions and a stronger sense of empathy b/c you have a little one on the way. I think nightmares are exactly that - our brain bringing out our deepest fears...hang in there hun and definitely keep talking about it and dont isolate yourself. HUGS! BIG ONES!

germanpickle · December 2010

I'm so sorry that you experienced this - what a heart breaking experience. Please take lots of time to grieve like you have already been doing in your own way. All the best

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