Do your LO's grandparents not want to....

Randy'sgirl52409 · December 2010

call things like a pacifier, bowel movement, genitalia and such by the names YOU and you DH/DF want them to be called?

I know, I know... very petty in the grand scheme of things but still something that plucks a nerve with me.

My DH and I are all about consistency with raising LO. We call a pacifier a "binky" and when she has a BM we simply say she "pooped", we call her girl parts by their proper names: vagina and breasts. We say bum for buttocks. So my issue is that my MIL will not use the words we wish to be used with LO. She will only use the words she used with her son (my DH) as a baby for these things. My MIL is totally mortified that we call her privates by their proper name and that's what we will teach LO.

I want our LO to consistently hear the same word for certain things in her world. I feel as if this won't happen with the way things are now because the inlaws see her so much but make their own rules. I feel like my MIL is using this as a way to have control over us. I haven't confronted her because as I previously said this could all sound so petty. I just bite my tongue. My MIL is very giving of herself with LO and is a loving glandmother. I know that we are very fortunate but I feel like she still tries to cross lines and act as if this is her baby.

Anyone else have this issue? How do you handle it?

kg_08 · December 2010

We don't always call things the same name as my parents or DH's parents, but I don't mind that much.. except when FIL says sh*t instead of poop that really bothers me because I don't want her to use that word.

kjuliet91 · December 2010

I can see how that would bother you. Honestly, if anyone around me was using words that I didn't want DD to use, I would just explain to her that we don't use that word, we use ____ instead.

DreadLoc · December 2010

If you haven't confronted her about this yet, then how is she using it to control you?

Just bring it up and let her know how you feel about it. If she respects your wishes, then cool. If not, oh well, you tried. The older generation is very stuck in their ways (and you will be too one day), so it's just something you're going to have to work around. It is something that very small, and unfortunately you're not going to be able to control LO's environment 100% of the time. She's a wonderful grandmother...I don't think that an issue this small warrants any sort of resentment.

kaylakaylakayla · December 2010

I know you're just kinda venting here, but I'd like to make a point- take it or leave it

Maybe put yourself in MIL's shoes for a sec. You're going to go your whole life calling your son's pacifier a "binky". Then one day your son is going to get married and have a baby. Your daughter in law is calling the pacifier a "soother". Are you going to refer to it as a soother all of a sudden?

It's asking you to change your vocabulary.

Do you and MIL have the exact same words for everything? Maybe you call them fries, she calls them chips. You call it dinner, she calls it supper. Does this bother you too?

I think you're being sensitive about it, simply because it relates to your son.

As for the medical terminology, some people don't feel comfortable saying "vagina". You are raising your kids to know the proper names of things, I don't think they are going to get confused if someone else calls it something different. We've all heard all the different terminologies for genitals..because people call it different things. Period.

Your children are going to encounter people their whole lives who use different words for everything. I don't think they are going to be confused if you call it dinner, and she calls it supper. They'll figure out that it's the same thing. And same goes with binky vs. paci vs. soother vs. nippy (which, for what it's worth, is what my father calls it...blech. lol)

hollowstar · December 2010

I hate "binky" (sorry!) so it bugs me a teeny bit when my mom calls it that. But so not anything I'd even mention, as it is such a minor irk. And LO will learn that many things have more than one name. As for the body parts, THAT would bother me a lot.

LadyDelilah · December 2010

They call them the same things that we do but they baby talk, like

"Oh evangelina-weena lemme get your binky-winky"

I want to cut them... its so gross I try and get them to stop and they say Oh I think its so cute... gah...

kgwillia · December 2010

This is a little nitpicky, but really, you're not calling your DD's private parts by their proper name anyway. The vagina is just the opening/canal that leads to the uterus. The outside parts are the labia, clitoris, etc, or "vulva" collectively. THOSE would really be the proper names to use, which I think most people would be even more uncomfortable saying than "vagina". Big Smile

MNgirl326 · December 2010

kaylakaylakayla:
I know you're just kinda venting here, but I'd like to make a point- take it or leave it
Maybe put yourself in MIL's shoes for a sec. You're going to go your whole life calling your son's pacifier a "binky". Then one day your son is going to get married and have a baby. Your daughter in law is calling the pacifier a "soother". Are you going to refer to it as a soother all of a sudden?
It's asking you to change your vocabulary.
Do you and MIL have the exact same words for everything? Maybe you call them fries, she calls them chips. You call it dinner, she calls it supper. Does this bother you too?
I think you're being sensitive about it, simply because it relates to your son.
As for the medical terminology, some people don't feel comfortable saying "vagina". You are raising your kids to know the proper names of things, I don't think they are going to get confused if someone else calls it something different. We've all heard all the different terminologies for genitals..because people call it different things. Period.
Your children are going to encounter people their whole lives who use different words for everything. I don't think they are going to be confused if you call it dinner, and she calls it supper. They'll figure out that it's the same thing. And same goes with binky vs. paci vs. soother vs. nippy (which, for what it's worth, is what my father calls it...blech. lol)

Exactly.

AshesBabies2 · December 2010

If it really bother's you that much confront her about it. have yourself and your husband sit her down and nicely tell her that these are the choices you have made and you would appreciate it very much if she would respect them. Like a lot of other's have said she had and still has her own references for objects and body parts so it's going to be difficult for her to adjust. Give her some slack for now since baby is so young.

Tippy05 · December 2010

There are a few differences in what we call things, but you've got to learn to pick your battles and binky vs paci isn't something I'm willing to argue about.

I totally understand about the appropriate names for penis and vagina though. However, my mom is a school nurse and has had some boys come in with HYSTERICAL comments after getting hit or falling on their penis. My favorites are "crackers" and "batteries". It makes me laugh everytime I hear it.

Dobie_Mama · December 2010

My MIL calls certain things by different names than we do, but it doesn't really bother me. It's not like the girls are going to grow up in a world where everyone calls things by the same names as we do. Eventually, they'll hear something different.

wifeandmama · December 2010

Is this truly an issue in your life? If so, consider yourself lucky. In the grand scheme of things, this is sooo a non-issue. Move on. Don't waste your energy getting worked up about things that don't matter.

Chickpea2010 · December 2010

It bothers me when my MIL talks super baby-talk. But she does it to her grown sons, her dog, her friends...it's just the way she is. So I'm trying to not let it irritate me so much. I think this may be one of those situations where you can't change her, but you can change the way you react to her.

kmwills · December 2010

kgwillia:
This is a little nitpicky, but really, you're not calling your DD's private parts by their proper name anyway. The vagina is just the opening/canal that leads to the uterus. The outside parts are the labia, clitoris, etc, or "vulva" collectively. THOSE would really be the proper names to use, which I think most people would be even more uncomfortable saying than "vagina".

This. It kills me when ppl refer to a girl's entire private area as the vagina. Penis is a little different, for obvious reasons. But a girl doesn't pee out of her vagina. She can't look down and see her vagina (w/o a mirror...and what baby is using a mirror anyway). And a baby is likely not going to touch/finger her vagina.

BKHeightsGirl · December 2010

I would think that your LO will follow your lead despite what the grandparents call things? I don't know, I am not particular about these things except for the word cocky being used instead poop or doo-doo. Don't ask me why but I DESPISE the word cocky being used for poop. I feel like it's a dirty word. LOL.

Momtobug31 · December 2010

Nippy? Cocky? I love this post. Made my morning!

I don't think this is a big deal. Just incorporate this into your "everyone is different, but in this house. . ." speech when your LO is older.

Randy'sgirl52409 · December 2010

Thank you for your insight and points of view everyone. I had a moment of stupidness and pettiness in thinking any of this should make any difference in my world. I AM so lucky that MIL loves my LO so much and that I have a healthy beautiful little girl to care for who's world will be enriched by her Meme, different words used or not....

I'm over it.

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