Advice needed - baby just wanting to be held

cocojack10 · December 2010

Even though nurses and doctors say that newborns are too young to be spoiled, I call BS! Mikey just loves to be held. I know nothing is wrong w/ him, and he cries when in crib or bouncy. I put on paci and he calms down, but then starts crying a few min later. I carry him with no paci and he's the happiest baby on earth.

Don't get me wrong, I love carrying him and cuddling with him and wish I can do it 24/7, but I have 2 babies and don't have that luxury, as I explain it to them. LOL

Any advice as to keep them calm while they are "alone" (which they never are alone, b/c I always put them together in same crib, bouncy next to each other, etc).

THanks.

MrsJOSEnADRI · December 2010

I understand what you mean about spoiling. I don't think you can spoil them, but they can get used to whatever you do with them and create a habit that may be hard to change later. My mom is always concerned about us holding her all day. Sunce she's going to take care of her she's concerned she'll have to hold her all day. So, I've started leaving her "alone" in her PNP while I cook. I'll turn on her music box and I hear babbling to herself so I'll peek in every few minutes to "talk" to her. When I have other things to do (like when I was wrapping presents), I'll put her in her swing and sit next to her and talk or sing to her. I also started to find other ways to avoid carrying her all the time bc it's killing my back.

mjz · December 2010

Have you tried a sling? That's the only thing I can think of so he's getting the comfort of being near you but you still have free hands. Do you have any kind of soother in his crib? Javy likes vibration. Maybe switching up white noise, music, nature sounds, or whatever will help. GL!

MrsJOSEnADRI · December 2010

Melissa, have you used a sling? If so, which one? I want one but was waiting for Elise to be a little bigger and have more neck control. It makes me nervous to use one at this stage.

cocojack10 · December 2010

Actually, thanks for the reminder. I have the Baby Bjorn, and tired it out last wkend and they both loved it! Alex passed out in it and I was all over the place bending down, etc and he would not wake up. I think it is b/c it mimics the womb. Dh used it with Mikey last night and he too passed out. However, just like Adri, when MIL takes care of them, she's not going to be using the sling nor can she carry them all day.

The white noise does help. I do leave them "alone" most of the time. But when one is fussy, I'm scared he's going to wake the other! Especially when I have them in the PNP bassinet and since that thing is like a hammock, I think the movement (more than the noise) will bother the other... then we have 2 screaming kids. Not fun for mommy. LOL

britishbride05 · December 2010

jackie- you know the moby has a wrap for twins? it has a way to hold both of them comfortable at the same tiem!!

adri- the moby was awesome at the newborn stage. i would bundle her up and it would keep her neck stable. she STILL loves it! (sarah, not abby)

britishbride05 · December 2010

oh, and about being scared that one will wake the other...

trust me, they will zone each other out for the most part. they may not be twins, but they're both still babies... Abby will sleep through all of Sarah's commotion and vice-versa!

mjz · December 2010

Adri, I have a Hotsling right now. I don't use it that often and I don't think Javy likes it much. I think he feels too constricted or squished. I've got my eye on the Ergo, but am waiting until he's a little bigger so I don't need that extra infant insert.

MrsJOSEnADRI · December 2010

thinking of this post as i rock elise with my left arm and play white noise off my phone...

Albah · December 2010

I also don't think a baby at that stage can be spoiled. But, the problem becomes that as parents we get used to holding them and doing everything for them that when they get older we continue the habit and that's where it becomes a problem. In the 1st couple of months I ended up holding Baby E quite often, but then as he's gotten a little older I have found ways to put him in the swing, in his crib, etc and he's done pretty well so far.

I have a Balboa Baby Sling and it was a life savor early on when he wanted to be held and I still use it when I go to the supermarket or shopping for something quick. Highly recommend!

cocojack10 · December 2010

They both adore their swing. I only have one now, and it is their room at the moment (I would use it to calm them while I fed the other during night feedings). However, I have changed their feeding locations, so I can now move it out to the common area... and maybe Santa can bring them another! lol

Jen - thanks for the heads up on the twin moby. Will look into it. Also, there has been a few times that one has already woken up the other. Granted, they may have not been in the deep sleep yet, but still woke him up. When they are together and one starts to cry, I do try to rush over to put paci or pick only bc I'm scared of the other waking. Que vamos hacer!

southmiamiwifejen · December 2010

Girl, I'm probably not one to talk because my kid is pretty spoiled, but I'm ALL FOR holding them as long as they want to be held, especially when they're newborns. I know it's not practical for you to hold them all day, every day, since you've got 2, but I wouldn't make it a point to not hold them for any reason other than you're worried they'll get "spoiled." Remember what the guy from "Happiest Baby on the Block" says...they were used to being "carried" 24/7 when they were in womb. They were already born "spoiled."

I don't know if Emma was just an especially clingy baby or if I "spoiled" her into only wanting to be held...I think it was probably a bit of both. But she loved being carried and she was not content to just be on her own for too long. I hated to hear her fuss or cry, so when she did, I almost immediately picked her up. I think I took it to an extreme because unfortunately her self-soothing skills are not the greatest, but it was instinctual for me and it was very hard to fight that instinct to want to comfort her. When she was itty bitty, the swing and the bouncer were just about the only place she was content to hang out in without being carried. I couldn't really plop her in the crib or pack'n'play and expect her to stay there quietly. Most of the time she was in my arms or in a sling (Moby or BabyBjorn). Once she got a little older and more mobile, she was more happy to relax and play on her own without being carried.

I hope my next one will be a little more independent than Emma was, but if they're not, I don't know that I will necessarily do things differently. The newborn stage goes by fast and before you know they will be crawling around and then walking around and fighting out of your arms when all you want to do is carry them.

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