Intro: I need serious help. (long)
starkbaby22
member
I have been with my husband for a total of 7 years. We've been married for 3.5 years and have a 15 month old daughter.
My husband is the kindest, sweetest and most understanding man in the world.
About 3 years ago, right after our wedding a man from my past came into my life again..we talked, and met up, and kissed once..I love this man. We never had a sexual relationship before my husband, and we don't have a sexual relationship NOW, either. I was honest with my husband, mom, sister, everyone in my family/friends about this situation, and had very little support. My sister took my nephews away from me, didn't want me around them, unsure of the kind of person I was becoming, or the people I was hanging around with. It was the hardest time of my life.
We sought out counseling, but it didn't work. We quit going, and eventually I found out some things about this other man that made me realize leaving for him wouldn't be a good idea...he had lied about quite alot of things, but now I realize he was just as scared as me. About 6 months after our wedding this man came back into my life...we talked for about 6 months, cut it off, and about a year and a half later, my daughter was born. I thought this was our second chance at a happy life, the "right" kind of life. We both had steady jobs, we had this beautiful daughter...we were "comfortable" again.
Well..October 19th of this year rolls around and I what do I find in my email account? An email from the other guy..just saying how he has thought about me alot, and how he hoped everything in my life was good and that I was happy. I replied that it was odd to hear from him, and that everything was fine. Pretty much left it at that. His birthday is in early November, so I sent him a Happy Birthday email and left that as it was...then he starts to tell me how he's in love with me, and always has been,and he was so stupid and selfish before...he brought all my fears and doubts back into my life. (I should say here, that I had doubts on the day of my wedding to marrying my husband, I had doubts when he asked me to marry him..I wanted to wait 2 years and he wanted to get married right away..so I started planning, and the wedding went on as he wanted..)
I can't imagine hurting him again like I did before, and I really don't want to hurt my daughter in all of this. She is young enough that she wouldn't remember (I don't think) ..but sometimes I can't help but want to run away. I would take DD with me..her dad is never home, works crazy hours, and I honestly don't see that he's capable of taking care of her 100% of the time.
I need some advice. Should I go talk to someone, and not tell my husband about it? If I tell him, he will start to worry, talk to my parents and create total madness again for my life. I should have left before when I had the chance..I feel so trapped in my life. I'm sure I'm forgetting all sorts of things, but you have read this much, I'm sure adding in a bit more later won't hurt.
Thanks guys..-Julie
Re: Intro: I need serious help. (long)
Hey girl I'm sorry your feeling like this. I would deff go talk to someone outside of the circle. I'll be praying for you and I hope whatever you do it works out for you!!
XOXO
You need to talk to someone. Do what's going to be best for you and your daughter. You have to make yourself happy cuz if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
Good luck and I hope the best for you and your family.
I think you def need to talk to someone in depth. Just to put in my two cents about the little bit you have given us here -- For your daughter?s sake you need to forget about this other man (at least for now). Decide what you want/need to do with your current marriage (without even thinking about being with someone else). If you leave your husband for another man you are only going to create drama, and remember he is the father of your daughter, you will have to have some kind of relationship for the rest of your life. If you want to end your marriage you have every right to do so, but do it because you no longer want to be with you husband, not because of another man. Make sure this is not a ?grass is greener on the other side? situation. If you do decide to leave, make sure you give yourself and your daughter plenty of time to heal to reflect before jumping into another relationship. Especially since you said you felt rushed into this marriage and the other guy doesn?t sound like a gem (since you said he lied a lot -- even if under pressure, this is not a good sign).
Whatever you choose to do I hope it works out well for you and that you think everything through thoroughly, so as to minimize drama for your daughter. Good Luck!