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February 2011 Moms
How am i going to do this by myself...
Lately the closer the baby comes ...the more I get nervous and sad. I never thought i would be doing this by myself at all. Now every time i see a father and son I want to cry. Because I know that wont be the reality for my child. Sometimes I even want to cave on my decision and allow my EX to try to be involved.
But i cant let that happen due to what he has decided to become since Ive gotten pregnant. He became abusive to me while i was pregnant. He got arrested and I now have a 2 year protective order on him.He also has an alcholic, addicted to pain pills,smokes weed,and I have feeling he is on something else too. Towards the end of our relationship - he would nod in and out and it wasnt because he was tired.
He isnt allowed at the hospital where I will be giving birth. They have all his info on file and will be arrested if he ever comes on property. Because of this - he will not put on the BC because you have to be present at the hospital in order to sign for it. He will have to go to the courthouse and file for him to be on the BC. But he will have to go through a whole process just to put on it.
He keeps telling everyone - that he is going to get the baby taken away from me because I was diagnosed with bipolar when i was 18. Which my drs are most likely going to change that just to seasonal depression because I dont have any of the biploar symptoms. I havent for almost 4 years. They just want to wait til the baby comes to make sure Im 100 percent ok.
I went to a custody lawyer the other day. He said that he my Ex most likely will not file for anything. Especially since he has over 20 some convictions on his record...which includes multiple DUIs, grand larceny, and drug convictions.He is a multi convicted felon. I still dont know how he hid all that except the DUI from me for 4 years.
The lawyer also said if he did try to file anything..that my EX most likely would only be allowed to have supervised visits by a court appointed person. But that could take up to a year before that would even be heard in court.
I guess - I just wish things were different. This wasnt how I planned my life. This pregnancy was a total surpised. I was told my 2 doctors that I couldnt even pregnant. Although I am excited about the baby coming. I just wish my life was this complicated. I wish my LO had a father. I wish that I was going to have the whole birthing experience that everyone else seems to have.
I keep hearing people saying how hard it is with two people helping with baby after coming home from the hospital. Am I going to be able to handle it by myself. Im just so scared for the future.
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Re: How am i going to do this by myself...
I know its scary and there is nothing anybody can tell you to take that fear away. Just know that we are stronger than we ever think we are and that you can do this. It is not going to be easy for you or me or anybody, but you can and will do this and your child will be a blessing. Go along for the ride and trust your instincts, no matter how afraid you are, and you will see, one day, how strong and capable you really are to do this.
Remember we may not know each other, but we are all here for you.
Just keep repeating to yourself that you can do this and you will be fine.
Yes my aunt and my best friend are both pretty supportive. My aunt also wants to hire someone to help me out for a couple weeks during the day. Im just scared to death ...whats going to actually happen once LO comes.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this and deal with a guy thats just not mature enough to handle life.
But you can do it!! single mommies out there do it every day! and its going to make you a stronger and better person for your son! and I am sure in the long run teach him to be a mature and responsible human being unlike his father. keep your chin up girlie! just wait till you hold him in your arms for the first time and realize he is the best thing that has ever happened to you.
I am sorry that you are going through this. But, have faith in yourself. You are obviously a very strong woman to stand up for yourself. It takes a lot to go through what you have gone through and to make the strides to protect yourself and your baby.
He does not sound like someone that would be wholesome for your LO, and you made the right decision to put up barriers. Although he will have some rights as the father, you are in the driver's seat.
My MIL is bipolar and raised two wonderful kids. Any good lawyer worth his/her salt could find thousands of examples that would work to protect your rights as a mom.
It sounds like you won't totally be alone. It sounds like you have a support system of caring people with your family. You will make it through one step at a time. It may feel like too much to bear at times, but you will have to keep moving forward... and you will because you love your little man so much. He will be what keeps you motivated.
You can do this and as previous posters said, we are here for you.
((((hugs))))
PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.
PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix
All Welcome
Chart
Exactly this. It is soooo much harder to leave someone than to stay with them. So good for you for that part, first of all. Don't be afraid to take help from the people you are close to, that's what family and good friends are for! I would also join some groups for moms/babies so that you can build even more of a support group. Even if it's not a 'single moms' group, I think that moms are typically happy to have other moms to bond with and help each other out. Of course it will be hard, but if other women can do it, you can do it too! And what a great, strong role model you will make for your child.
Obviously we can't lie to you and say it will be easy, it will be hard. But I have faith that you will do wonderfully? Why? You were strong and smart enough to get yourself out. You already stood up to him and protected yourself and LO. We are here to listen to vent whenever you need us. Obviously you love Kellan so much already, and you just have to remember, that no, the situation is not ideal, but you are getting the most wonderful miracle out of it! Any time it gets hard, just pick him up, snuggle him, and remember its all for him. I think that will remind you that its gonna be ok. ((hugs))
He's worth it!
I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder mixed with some seasonal depression but that does not mean I will be less of a mom because of it and neither will you.
Your ex is an a$$hole who will one day wonder why he is alone with no relationship to his child. My mom divorced my bio-dad when i was 3 and she did an amazing job with me and the issues that I have. My bio-father has another daughter who is older than me. Neither of us have anything to do with him and I am the only one who still refers to him as a dad.
Things will not be easy but even in regular relationships there are no guarantees of a happily ever after.
I am really sorry that you have to go through this situation with your ex and feeling the way you do right now. Just know that when Kellan arrives he is going to give you strength. I am not going to sugar coat the fact that it will be hard but that little boy of yours is going to awaken a "momma bear" and everything you do, no matter how hard, is going to be totally worth it.
And even though your birthing experience may not include your LO's father you will have just as a wonderful birthing experience as anyone else. You will finally meet your baby.
Surround yourself with a great support system and ask for help when you need it.
We usually dont realize how resilient we are until we are forced to handle a situation we never wanted thought we would have to face. This is you now and you will do just fine. Thank God for a healthy baby and a support system like your aunt. 30% of American households are single parents and we know the other 70% arent all great. You are not alone. Women have done it before you and will do it after you as well. I know you dont feel sorry for yourself and you truly just want the best for your baby...well that is what you are giving it. Think about it...you are giving your baby the best of everything YOU have. You made sure your baby would not be in harms way or in the presence of an abusive and drug addictive sperm donor. And truth be told...I doubt he cares anything about the baby. Im sure he just says things like that because he knows it upsets you and its a way to get back at you. If he cared about your baby (even if he really wanted to take the baby away from you) he would start by getting clean!
You will never get over wanting the best for your child, you just have to realize that your best is indeed good enough.