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I love DH but he doesn't get it

latai03latai03
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Today I might lose it! DS has only slept for like 20-30 minute bouts since 3am DH doesn't know this since he sleeps right through it. I on the other hand have been going all day on 2.5 hours of sleep. I couldn't wait for DH to come home for some help. He comes home and of course has a bathroom emergency, then has to get a shower(WTF I didn't shower till 5:30 today). So I bathe LO, feed him and put him down. DH is like go to bed. Just when I am enjoying a glass of wine and getting ready for bed DS wakes up. DH goes to rock him back to sleep and I guess since it was taking longer than 5 minutes I hear him over the monitor saying" ask mommy of you can come downstairs" DH would like to bring him downstairs and let him stay awake till 1am watching tv. So of course I take over and try to let him nurse a little to see if he will fall asleep and DH disappears. Next thing I know I hear him on the phone with his friend! Must be nice!!! Finally after me screaming like a maniac he comes back upstairs to take over. So it's been 20 minutes with DH in the nursery with DS and he is still crying. I so want to go in there but I know that things will never change if I always go and take over DH and I just had a talk about what our night time routine should be and I thought we were on the same page. Anyone else able to go to sleep with LO crying?
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Re: I love DH but he doesn't get it

  • jkkg317jkkg317 member
    I never could, I know I can make it stop so it makes me feel guilty until I finally get up and go take care of it. Although I can't hear him over the shower sometimes but that doesn't work if you need sleep. I tell DH several things to try and I give it a few minutes before I come running out to see if he can do it but for the most part I feel like a mommy martyr, I have a perfectly capable husband who is willing to give it a shot and I go out there with 2 hours of sleep and just do it myself
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  • Chevy412Chevy412
    Are you sure we aren't married to the same man! haaha At least your husband is helping. If DD cries for long periods he just walks in (whether I'm sleeping, bathing, eating, etc) and says "she's hungry" sets her down and walks away. I am BF but we give her formula too so I don't understand when its the five minutes I have to myself he can't just feed her a bottle! If he is in there let him stay in there especially if you have no sleep! sometimes you just need a break.
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  • latai03latai03
    So I caved and went and got him. DH was outta there in a flash. After about 7 min DS is finally asleep on my chest. Let's see how long this lasts. So much for my break
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  • juliagulia322juliagulia322 member
    I think we all must be married to the same man!! I got so mad at MH last night I couldn't even talk to him.  I understand he works all day but I'm not on my but doing nothing all day between changing/feedings/awake time/nap time I don't have anytime to myself because of the boys is always up while the other one is napping.  When he walks in the door all I want is help but he goes and does his thing, eats *when I haven't even eaten yet, and then eventually does one feeding and sometimes a changing and he is done.  I basically do the rest by myself most nights. I think he knew how pissed I was yesterday because today he actually sat with me until they were asleep which is pretty rare. They really don't understand that we run on no sleep and this is our job right now.  I'm going back part-time to work in January so this all should be very interesting sleep wise since my boys still wake up at least twice during the night:(
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  • lmkelker1lmkelker1

    OMG, this sounds like my husband. Granted, when my DS is crying I cannot think of anything but that and what needs to happen to get him to stop, no matter who is "helping" me.  My DH doesn't do crying so he will hold him for about 5 mins and thinks its hours. One time I went to take a shower and DS was crying- just wanted to be entertained-- did not need mommy-- and he knocked...on...the...shower...door! I was like DEAL WITH IT!!!

    In short, it doesn't get better unless you make some ground rules.  After that incident and many others, we made a plan of what is to happen when he gets home from work to give me a break. One thing that is my life saver is that he has to take him for one hour every night and cannot give him back until the timer goes off. I get to do whatever I want... I usually go to the gym or starbucks or just take a bath.

    You gotta let him know that you will go crazy if he doesn't take care of you by helping with the baby. 

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  • monkeypolomonkeypolo member
    Ugh, yes! I just posted on Sept board about how, after struggling for 7 weeks, I had stopped breast feeding and just made my son his last BM bottle this evening. Well, he was very sleepy and fell asleep after only drinking about half an ounce. Then I gave my DH the bottle expecting him to put it in the fridge. But he DUMPED it! My last couple oz, right down the drain. I am stupid upset about it right now. and he just went to bed. grrrrr
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  • xoashleigh4oxxoashleigh4ox
    yes i did it twice. i just got to the point where i couldn't do it anymore. he walked the house with him screaming for an hour and i went to sleep. no one taught me how to console him, so he'll figure it out. and he did. not that he takes the initiative to take over like i do. or that he comes home and take the baby before he sits on the couch to watch football or basketball.
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  • PNWmommyPNWmommy member

    imagexoashleigh4ox:
    yes i did it twice. i just got to the point where i couldn't do it anymore. he walked the house with him screaming for an hour and i went to sleep. no one taught me how to console him, so he'll figure it out. and he did. not that he takes the initiative to take over like i do. or that he comes home and take the baby before he sits on the couch to watch football or basketball.

    this. dh was deployed during the end of my pregnancy & during the birth. he just got home like a week ago, dd was a month old already.

    dh stepped right up to the plate & even though she would be crying, if he offered to take her from me, i would let him. of course it breaks my heart to hear her crying, but he will figure it out in time, just like i did. he will come up with his own ways of soothing her, too.

    what works for me, putting in earplugs! shoot, if i'm sleep deprived & he's offering to take over, i'm for it! i just say "wake me when she's hungry again..." lol

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  • Arielle27Arielle27 member

    I never go to sleep with LO crying.But DH doesn't every 'take over' - no evenings or weekends, and obviously not during the day (when he is at work). The only thing DH participates in is the nighttime bath (sometimes). Otherwise, it's all on me.

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