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Those With Unemployed Spouses....

caseyleigh77caseyleigh77
in Northern California Babies

If your DH or SO is unemployed...what does he do all day? Does he stay with the LO's Has he assumed more of the household chores? How is his behavior, attitude? Does he seemed bummed or overstressed?

My DH lost his job at the end of August and it is really affecting him and me. He just wants to work and complains about the kids or how bad it is to be home all day sometimes...and if he only really understood what I would give to be home with my kids. I am working 4 days a week just to try and make ends meet....and I find myself so damn mad at his old job for doing this to us. This is not how I pictured my life...and I think that everything is suffering because of it. Cooper's behavior sucks. Collin just misses and wants his mommy. DH is grumpy and depressed..and I am resentful and really just want to shop to feel better...and yet I am pissed off that I can't do it.

Does anyone elses life seem this way or am I just selfish and crazy?

 

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Re: Those With Unemployed Spouses....

  • megan0071234megan0071234

    My DH is in school (only 2 days a week) and stays home the rest of the time. He is not working. I do become extremely resentful of him some times. He gets to stay home & be with Lindy while I go to work to support us while he gets his degree.

    Over the summer, he was home all day with both kids and it was horrible. He fell into a bit of a depression & didn't really "do" much with the kids. They were bored, he was irritated at their bad behavior, the house fell into being a constant mess and our marriage definately suffered.

    Can your DH maybe find something, anything, to do outside the house to get some adult interaction? I saw such a huge change in DH when school started again. Maybe he could take a class, or do some volunteer work until he is able to start working again? I also enrolled DD & DH in a gymboree class & at toddlers on the farm at a local farm, just so they had something to do outside the house. DH rarely has ideas of what to actually do with the kids, so they end up doing nothing. But I find when I schedule something, he goes happily.

    I am really sorry you are going through this. It is really hard. Please let me know if you ever want to talk.

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  • bekkih13bekkih13
    My SO is technically unemployed. He stays home with our DD when he isn't on the road with his band. He has no income. It was very hard at first. I didn't get much in the way of maternity leave because we needed the money. And he got to just chill at home with our little one. It really bummed me out because I really wanted to do that. He didn't do ANY THING around the house. He DID take good care of DD though. So that's a plus.I was getting really worn down, supporting us AND doing all the house work, dinner making etc. I felt like it was all on my shoulders, and he just had to clean a couple poopy diapers. I finally talked to him about it. I told him that it just plain isn't fair to me to have to do it all. I told him for the sake of our relationship, he needed to pull his head out. I explained that he needs to contribute to the relationship in a different way, if it wasn't going to be financially. He needs to look at being a SAHD as a full time job. I showed him the little things around that house that needed to be done. I helped him figure out how to schedule his day. He took me seriously and it really helped us get passed that hard spot. Both of our attitudes towards each other improved almost immediately. He even has a routine for taking our LO for walks etc. I don't feel resentful when I get home anymore because things are done around the house. I feel like he's contributed. I still have to cook dinner, but hey we can't have it all right? :)I suggest talking to your DH about it. Put it to him in the same way that I did (staying home is a full time job). He needs to contribute in some way shape or form since financially isn't an option right now. 
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  • Mrs.BoomBoomMrs.BoomBoom

    The 1st time, DH treated it like a vacation.  It was really rough.

    The 2nd time, he WORKED!  He took on a lot more of the household chores (which I've never taken back) and worked on finding work EVERY day.  Before that, he thought he'd like to be a SAHD.  Not afterward.

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  • My.ABC.LifeMy.ABC.Life
    We're not currently dealing with this, but have been there before. I'm so sorry that you're going through this... and I hope your DH comes through the other side soon!
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  • dblhappinessdblhappiness
    It's rough...plain and simple. Our dynamic totally changes and it just sucks. Looking back while I complain a lot about it, DH does come through when he needs to...he will help with the boys (sometimes not as much or to my liking but he will). DH does get depressed, I get irritated at the change in dynamic, but we *have* to keep moving forward. We've had quite a few (sometimes heated) discussions about this. In the end, we have a family to take care of and we need to do what we can to make sure that happens. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this...I hope that for many of us there is a quick end to it. 
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  • danandkellydanandkelly

    It's really hard.  Dh has been out of work for a LONG time.  He has had some work here and there but nothing that really constitutes a "job".  When I was pg he took on a lot of the household chores, then when I was on Mat leave he picked up some work so I started doing more of the chores....and when I went back to work it never went back to him doing more.

    It's frustrating, but I have to make a concious effort to not let it bother me...or I'd be pissed off all the time.

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  • starlily313starlily313 member

    He stays at home during the day. He has assumed nearly all of the household duties from his first week of unemployment onwards: deep cleaning, errands, taking care of the dog, laundry, rearranging the office/nursery, etc.

    His attitude has been good. Prior to the layoffs at his company he had been super stressed out because he knew they were coming, but just didn't know when or how many people would be let go. He wasn't sleeping well at all and was tense all the time. Now he is happy & relaxed.

    He is starting to get a little antsy because he's the type that likes to be working, but decided that he's going to put the job search on hold 2-3 more months until after LO arrives so that he could be present & available for those first weeks at home to help me out.

    Having him SAH has made my life so much easier. I think our relationship has actually improved because he's not as stressed from work & I'm not as exhausted from trying to work full time and maintain the household. I have often told him that there's no rush for him to find a job because if he's still unemployed by the time I go back to work, all it means is that we'll be saving on daycare. I think our situation may be a little different though in that I'm the breadwinner and we had pretty much been living off my income even when he was working.

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