I posted a week or so ago about a classmate who lost his 7 year old son in a snowmobiling accident. Heartbreaking. His friends are filling his Facebook wall with things like "God needed an angel" and "he's in a better place" and I know that those aren't the words he needs to hear right now. He has posted something to that effect already, yet the messages keep pouring in.
I know there are no words that can take away even a fraction of his pain, but I'm just so torn up for him and his family. Any ideas of something I can say that isn't so horribly trite?
Re: Rough subject, need help on comforting words. (child loss)
Hmmm, tough. Maybe say that you are sorry for the loss of [child's name] and that you will keep his family in your T&Ps.
I would mention the child by name. It seems like people like to hear that others remember the child and that he lived, not just that he died and the circumstances of it.
I agree that mentioning the child by name is a good idea as well.
Not only are comments like that trite, they are offensive as well. Even if one believe's in God's plan, how does that really comfort the parent? Oh, there's a plan, so stop crying. It's hurtful.
Honestly, the best thing you can say is "I am so sorry." There aren't words big enough for something like this, so sometimes the simple is the best.
this.
and everyone saying things like "its gods plan" need to be kicked in the fvcking shins
Thing 2 = May 2009, Stillborn 33weeks 4lbs 9oz 18in
Thing 3 = October 2010, 27weeks 4days 2lbs 4oz 14.25in
OMG, this makes me want to kick in the wall. Fvck anyone who thinks "it was god's plan," "god needed an angel," or anything else as equally offensive can kiss my ass.
Definitely use his name, and as time goes on, I would mention him and say you're thinking of him. With most people, they seem to forget after a certain amount of time. And don't worry about "reminding" him of his deceased child. He's not going to forget about him.
Agree with the advice given above. Just say "I'm so sorry" and mention him by name. There's nothing else you can say. Nothing you say will make it better for them but they will remember that you thought of them and didn't say something horrible.
Also remember to say something months from now, especially around his birthday. They're getting lots of sympathy now but they don't want their little boy forgotten.
ditto this too
Thing 2 = May 2009, Stillborn 33weeks 4lbs 9oz 18in
Thing 3 = October 2010, 27weeks 4days 2lbs 4oz 14.25in