Rough subject, need help on comforting words. (child loss)

JenniferJaneC · December 2010

I posted a week or so ago about a classmate who lost his 7 year old son in a snowmobiling accident. Heartbreaking. His friends are filling his Facebook wall with things like "God needed an angel" and "he's in a better place" and I know that those aren't the words he needs to hear right now. He has posted something to that effect already, yet the messages keep pouring in.

I know there are no words that can take away even a fraction of his pain, but I'm just so torn up for him and his family. Any ideas of something I can say that isn't so horribly trite?

Kate621 · December 2010

Clearly not the same, but nothing pissed me off more when people would say things about "God's plan" and whatnot after Jack was born. I would just offer your sympathies and if you are close bring a meal, offer to clean their house, anything to make life a little stressful. Saying that you hope they can find comfort in knowing how very loved their DC was/is. Share a memory if you have one. That is such an awful situation.

weelass24 · December 2010

Hmmm, tough. Maybe say that you are sorry for the loss of [child's name] and that you will keep his family in your T&Ps.

I would mention the child by name. It seems like people like to hear that others remember the child and that he lived, not just that he died and the circumstances of it.

Kate621 · December 2010

weelass24:
Hmmm, tough. Maybe say that you are sorry for the loss of [child's name] and that you will keep his family in your T&Ps.
I would mention the child by name. It seems like people like to hear that others remember the child and that he lived, not just that he died and the circumstances of it.

I agree that mentioning the child by name is a good idea as well.

Scout05 · December 2010

Not only are comments like that trite, they are offensive as well. Even if one believe's in God's plan, how does that really comfort the parent? Oh, there's a plan, so stop crying. It's hurtful.

Honestly, the best thing you can say is "I am so sorry." There aren't words big enough for something like this, so sometimes the simple is the best.

MrsShrek1028 · December 2010

weelass24:
Hmmm, tough. Maybe say that you are sorry for the loss of [child's name] and that you will keep his family in your T&Ps.

I would mention the child by name. It seems like people like to hear that others remember the child and that he lived, not just that he died and the circumstances of it.

this.

and everyone saying things like "its gods plan" need to be kicked in the fvcking shins

greenclown · December 2010

OMG, this makes me want to kick in the wall. Fvck anyone who thinks "it was god's plan," "god needed an angel," or anything else as equally offensive can kiss my ass.

Definitely use his name, and as time goes on, I would mention him and say you're thinking of him. With most people, they seem to forget after a certain amount of time. And don't worry about "reminding" him of his deceased child. He's not going to forget about him.

Kristinmo · December 2010

Agree with the advice given above. Just say "I'm so sorry" and mention him by name. There's nothing else you can say. Nothing you say will make it better for them but they will remember that you thought of them and didn't say something horrible.

Also remember to say something months from now, especially around his birthday. They're getting lots of sympathy now but they don't want their little boy forgotten.

MrsShrek1028 · December 2010

greenclown:
OMG, this makes me want to kick in the wall. Fvck anyone who thinks "it was god's plan," "god needed an angel," or anything else as equally offensive can kiss my ass.
Definitely use his name, and as time goes on, I would mention him and say you're thinking of him. With most people, they seem to forget after a certain amount of time. And don't worry about "reminding" him of his deceased child. He's not going to forget about him.

ditto this too

magdalina.h · December 2010

Just say how sorry you are for their loss. There really isn't much that you can say

Want a personalized experience?

Rough subject, need help on comforting words. (child loss)

Re: Rough subject, need help on comforting words. (child loss)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards