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Preemies
letting her down
Jocelyn unfortunately is not allowed to come home and we were given the "shoulder shrug" response. Could be days, could be weeks. Jimmy and I are pretty bummed by this news. I've basically been in deep depression since Sunday when we were told she wasn't able to come home. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing her. I really, truly, deep down feel like I'm failing my daughter. Like, I'm not doing enough to make sure she comes home. I pretty much blew off on my 4 year old nephew. "Aunt Stephie Aunt Stephie look what I made today at preschool"..."Not now Cayden. Aunt Stephie's not happy"..."Why?"..."Because I'm not. Go talk to Uncle Jimmy." I don't know why I was surprised when he said "I hate you"...I deserved that and I deserved him ignoring me at dinner. I have no idea what to do anymore. I feel like nobody understands me and it's blatantly obvious that I can't talk to my family, outside of my parents and Jimmy's parents. Sorry for the fit...just needed to get it out. Thanks for everything you girls have ever done for us...I really do appreciate it.
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Re: letting her down
Big hugs. You are not failing her. The NICU is a very frustrating though - especially when you are close to getting out.
I highly recommend getting your neo to talk to you about WHY she isn't home and what she needs to do to get there. There can't be nothing. We weren't getting answers either just normal preemie blah blah and finally I said enough...normal preemie whatever - he's my kid and I have never had a preemie before. I didn't go to med school so tell me in English what is going on and why it worries you enough to keep him here. You deserve that explaination so you know what to expect.
Bradys kept us on a 5 day count down over and over again, but eventually he got it and we did get him home. Best of luck to you and I hope Jocelyn is home with you soon!
Honestly, there's not a lot you can do- but if you're feeling left out of her treatment you need to speak with her head nurse and let her know how you're feeling. Let her know you need better communication about your daughter and her treatment and that you're feeling like you need to be doing something else to help her out- hopefully they'll have some good information and suggestions for you.
You're not failing her. Right now she needs to focus on getting better and sometimes as mothers we have to step back and know that we need to let other people and nature take over. The one thing you can do that no one else can is love the hell out of her. Everyday do something for her to let her know that you love her and you can't wait for her to be home- tell her a story, put up a picture, learn to make baby blankets, etc. Nothing is going to replace your love and she knows it, even if it feels like you have to cross a huge divide to get all that love to her.
Remember too, that right now your hormones are balancing out post-delivery. I know that it sounds like such a medical cop-out, but all your feelings are being compounded by major hormone changes and the fact that you've got an empty belly and empty arms. You have all the sh!t parts of L&D without any of the perks (a H&H baby to take home) and not a lot of people know how difficult that can be. But if your mood continues to drop please talk to the nurses- they'll be able to get you some help.
I agree with PPs about asking for specifics on what Jocelyn needs to do to go home. Is it taking her bottles more consistently? Is it A's or B's? Is it maintaining her temp? Get specifics. They have them and should absolutely be able to detail the list when you ask. Try to be there at rounds when the doctors come to Jocelyn's bedside. Usually that happens in the morning (sometime between 8-noon typically).
I remember another mom put it well: when you're first in the NICU, you're in the SCARY stage, worried about life-threatening issues. Once you get past the "will my child live" hurdle and all the way to the eating/A's or B's/jaundice stage where it seems like you could otherwise completely care for your child, it's the most FRUSTRATING stage of the NICU. Many a mom on this board has wanted to smuggle out their child in their purse towards the end of their stay. You are not alone. And it's not uncommon, unfortunately, to feel like no one else understands. We do. Hang in there.
You may also want to talk to a social worker at the NICU about the emotions you're feeling, just to make sure you're not experiencing PPD. You can also seek counseling for support. :hugs: