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when does ppd stop?

RoxpupRoxpup member
in Postpartum Depression

my kid will be 6 months old on the 10th.  i'm still having relatively constant 'episodes' i guess you could call them of crying, feeling like i should have never wanetd to have a baby.  i go to bed every night feeling guilty and awful.  i can't sleep well at all, my anxiety is insane.  i was diagnosed with ppd but i thought it would be gone by now.  i can't believe i'm admitting this but i have constant thoughts of leaving him on the side of the road or with strangers when i'm driving and he's crying. i would never, but i can't get the thoughts to stop. and when this all happens i just feel even worse. 

yesterday i had a meltdown and felt like a POS after.  i used to have issues with cutting and that's immediately where my mind went.  it's not getting any better at all, its like i have post partum bipolar depression cause i have these little high sections where i have a good day or part of a day and then everything turns to shiit over almost nothing.  if anything, it's all getting worse because the lows are increasingly severe. i'm still in a funk today because of yesterday.  and the more i'm in a funk, the more the stress/frustration/anxiety i have. 

how can i be a good 'parent' to an almost 6 month old if i'm like this?  when did you start to feel better, cause i feel like i'm in the dark without a flashlight and the sun is never going to come up.

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Re: when does ppd stop?

  • shibby00shibby00 member
    Have you spoken to your Doctor?  My DD is almost 4 months and I am MUCH better with treatment, I'd say I'm 95% normal now whereas before I was nowhere near myself.  I would expect to be seeing improvement, maybe if you are on meds you need a different dose?  I would definitely suggest talking to your Doc.
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  • julybaby23julybaby23
    Hugs, Roxpup. I remember you from tri boards. Have you tried any medication  or would you? I am on prozac (low dose) and I try to get some exercise every day if I can-- those two things are enough to keep the anxiety and depression at a tolerable level for me. I don't know when/if it will ever go away for me since I had depression/anxiety before LO was born. I would definitely consider medication and therapy if you haven't already done so. hang in there!
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  • brittandjoebrittandjoe

    This sounds just like me so know that you're not alone. I haven't talked with the doc yet about it but after reading this I think I need to. I had cutting issues too and have thought about it thinking it would give some sort of release for all of the frustration. I feel guilty all the time and feel like I'm not a good mom...but I have no support from anyone in my family to get help. I was wondering this same question...when the PPD would stop, thinking maybe if I make it to a year the feelings would stop....I'm sorry you're feeling this way!! :(

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  • MrsBraunMrsBraun

    *Hugs* to you..

    I'm in the same situation as you...my DD is nearing 7 months old and I am still dealing with this day in, day out..I am living at my inlaws since I am not able to be alone at home due to some cutting issues. I'm on my 5th week of new meds and they seem to be helping some, but I know where you're coming from.

    What I do know, is that there's a light...this WILL get better and we WILL be normal once again. I hope you're doing better now.

    Please feel free to follow my blog: www.braun-lifeisnotasnapshot.blogspot.com

     

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  • RoxpupRoxpup member

    imageshibby00:
    Have you spoken to your Doctor?  My DD is almost 4 months and I am MUCH better with treatment, I'd say I'm 95% normal now whereas before I was nowhere near myself.  I would expect to be seeing improvement, maybe if you are on meds you need a different dose?  I would definitely suggest talking to your Doc.

     

    I've spoken with my doctor a couple of times, but when I'm there I never explain everything correctly.  I can't get it out.  I feel like I can't because they'll judge.  I was supposed to go back for a follow-up appointment last tuesday and I called the day before and cancelled because my anxiety was so severe about going, being weighed (knowing i have gained weight), about having to admit that I decided to stop taking my meds (yeah, not the best idea, but they weren't helping at all and I was on the max dose).  I feel like the doctors office constantly judges, and I feel guilty spending our money on copays for visits and medication that just seems to not work at all (we're a 1 income family).  celexa used to help me, and now i'm just fatter than ever because of it.  I struggled for many, many years with bulimia so weighing more than i already did is not comforting for me at all.  I'm afraid of relapse. 

    I'm sorry this is so all over the place.

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  • RoxpupRoxpup member

    imagejulybaby23:
    Hugs, Roxpup. I remember you from tri boards. Have you tried any medication  or would you? I am on prozac (low dose) and I try to get some exercise every day if I can-- those two things are enough to keep the anxiety and depression at a tolerable level for me. I don't know when/if it will ever go away for me since I had depression/anxiety before LO was born. I would definitely consider medication and therapy if you haven't already done so. hang in there!

     

    Hi julybaby23... how are you doing?  i was on celexa, 60mgs (worked my way up from 20), but i gained a lot of weight on it... and flipped out about that.  i'm not sure what to do.  i need to get in some sort of routine. people keep mentioning therapy but i'm such a closed/anxious person that if i go to therapy and actually talk, i end up never going back.  i know i need to get over it and go back, but its much easier said than done, i've tried several times before in life... i was doing okay during pregnancy and even for several months before with no meds, i just want life to be a little bearable, if that makes sense.  do you think your depression/anxiety is more severe now that LO is here??  i need to find a medication that will help but wont cause weight gain/low libido (and by low libido i mean no libidio, i know that depression and anxiety is not helping that at all but i literally refuse to go to bed until i KNOW my husband is soundly sleeping because i feel so disgusting and never want him to think i'm in the mood, TMI i know).

     

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  • julybaby23julybaby23

    Hi Roxpup.  So is/was celexa working for you (despite the weight gain)? I had to shop around and try all sorts of stuff. I was on zoloft and it stopped working . I have tried them all (pre pregnancy). My depression/anxiety is much better since having a baby but it is different for everyone. I found prozac after many tries (lexapro did virtually nothing for me). I understand about the therapy. I am not going currently ... I just feel ok now. I did gain weight on zoloft but not so much on prozac. Exercise is huge though and it does what these meds do naturally. For me I just had a bad two months and once I got the exercise/meds straightened out I feel fine. Also, a good therapist takes shopping around just like the meds. I understand though-- I'm not feeling therapy lately. Good luck and keep changing it up if it is not working for you.

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  • julybaby23julybaby23
    PS. Who cares what the doctors office thinks. They thought I was insane those two weeks pp because I literally could not sleep. They are working for you and they deal wtih PPD all the time. Believe me that they have seen this plenty of times before.  I see  by your last post that you've gone off meds, try something else. The weight can be dealt with later once you feel more stable. It will come off. Ask to go on prozac or effexor or something else-- don't just go off on your own (you need to taper off w/ doc supervision).
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  • BlairWaldorfBlairWaldorf member

    I am so sorry.

    First of all, the doctors judging you is a LIE that your PPD is telling you.  PPD is ruthless in it's lies to us & I promise you, they are not judging you.  Unfortunately, it's hard to see those lies until you're on the other side.

    The Celexa bit...just FYI, 60mg is over the recommended max dosage for an adult & I know first-hand that an overdose of Celexa can completely backfire on you.  Try "shopping" around to find the right drug - Lexapro is a nightmare for me, Celexa sent me right over the edge, but Zoloft seems to be the perfect fit right now.

     The weight can be dealt with later.  It's just weight.  It's just a number on the scale.  It says NOTHING about you as a mother or a woman or a human being.  & it can be lost later.

    & as far as it taking a long time...unfortunately, it can.  I am always thankful (but equally jealous) of girls who get a check-plus & an all-cured mark from their doctors 4 months postpartum.  I did not really feel pure relief until about 10 months postpartum, & that was with several different medications & weekly therapy visits.

    I wish you the absolute best in your recovery.  First step is to beat back those lies & take care of yourself.

    Because you deserve it.

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