Community› The Bump Message Boards› Postpartum Depression
Postpartum Depression
New Discussion

Husband with PPD? (kind of long, sorry)

ReepicheepReepicheep member
in Postpartum Depression

Hi ladies, I'm new to this board.  I didn't realize it existed.  A little about me.  I was diagnosed with PPD about a month ago.  I'm on Lexapro and (theoretically) seeing a therapist.  I had to be hospitalized for one night which was. . . traumatic. 

Through this whole process my husband has been AMAZING.  Before we realized what was wrong with me, he was taking care of the baby about 80% of the day, sometimes more.  Then took care of him while I was in the hospital and for a couple of days after.  I know his stress levels were through the roof, but he kept telling me to take care of myself.  I did my best to help out and gradually I've gotten to the point now where I'm taking care of the baby all day and pretty happy about it.  (He's gone back to work.)  But just recently I've noticed he's gotten really, really impatient with our baby.  It's usually only at night when he's really tired.  He'll do things like burp him really hard or shove the bottle in his mouth with extra force or tell him to stop crying in an almost mean way.  Now my husband is one of the most patient, gentle, caring men I've ever met.  I've NEVER seen him loose his temper or take frustration out on anyone.  He is usually amazing with babies (much better than me.)

I know he'd never hurt our baby, but I'm disturbed by this very drastic personality change.  I know men who's wives have PPD are more likely to get it themselves and it can show up very differently in men.  What do you ladies think?  

BabyFetus Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Husband with PPD? (kind of long, sorry)

  • qme09qme09 member
    I would definitely encourage him to meet with a therapist and check into the diagnosis, in case medication is necessary. My fiance and I both were diagnosed this week, and started medication. The meds haven't quite leveled out yet, but the therapy will be helpful, and I think having the solid diagnoses helped as well. Hopefully everything goes well for you two, my thoughts are with you!
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • StaribethStaribeth
    I would encourage him to speak with a therapist. This is similar to what we went through. We both see someone individually and we sometimes go to his counselor together. Best of luck!
    Three losses in 2009, a miracle in 2010! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker The Method to My Madness, a PPD blog
    Report Reply
  • lite-brightlite-bright member

    You say it's a "drastic personality change," but only at night when he's really tired? 

    I personally would lean toward not PPD, but frustration and cumulative exhaustion that are showing themselves at the worst time of day for him, when he's most vulnerable. You may not have seen this side of him before because there aren't many situations where you're going to see that kind of physical, mental and emotional stress.

    Both my DH and I went through periods like that -- and it wasn't PPD (although I did end up with a PPA diagnosis), it was just a sign that whoever was on baby duty needed a break and to get a couple hours of sleep, or even an hour of non-sleeping rest, so that they could come back a little bit fresher and ready to deal with the stress of caring for a wakeful and/or crying baby. When it's been months since you've had a full night of sleep, you're dizzy with sleep deprivation, and you're at wit's end b/c you can't get the baby to stop crying or just.go.to.sleep, it's all too easy for that to start coming out in handling them less gently than usual. 

    Taking care of a baby is hard, and just b/c you get angry or upset or frustrated or impatient doesn't automatically mean PPD. Personally, I would start with talking to him. Tell him what you've noticed, do it in a way that doesn't attack him, and remind him that when he needs a break, it's better to walk away than be rough with the baby -- which doesn't help anybody. DH had to give me those reminders, and I had to give them to him. 

    He may be afraid to ask you to take over for fear of stressing you out, and meanwhile his own stress level is unhealthy. You guys need to tackle this together and figure out how you can give each other breaks -- nobody gets to be un-stressed with a new baby, but hopefully you can work something out where the stress is manageable for you both. 

    image

    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"