SD and Christmas Performance

colonialbride · December 2010

So, SD has a Xmas performance tonight that begins at 7pm. Call time is 6, but BM demands that she get there at 5:15 because she does not want us to get her ready here...Am I getting annoyed for now reason or is she simply a control freak that I have to learn to deal with??

ballmom · December 2010

Sounds like a control issue to me. Is this DH's weekend? If so, he is more than capable of getting her ready and getting her to the performance by the time given.

colonialbride · December 2010

Yes it's DH's weekend...I'm pretty sure it's a control thing. She always goes to dance lessons even though it's DH's weekend...brings her outfits most of the time as if we are incapable of dressing the child...

mom2one · December 2010

Ex tried pulling this with football. I let him. I figured it was a guy thing to get football gear on. I kind of think it's a mom thing to do the dress up stuff. What does it hurt to let her?

karatechrissy · December 2010

mom2one:
Ex tried pulling this with football. I let him. I figured it was a guy thing to get football gear on. I kind of think it's a mom thing to do the dress up stuff. What does it hurt to let her?

Surprisingly, I agree w this. I'm a tad (ok a lot) controling like this. Everything always has to be perfect. If Dh and I were divorced and dd had a dance thing, I'd be wanting to get her ready, and wouldn't care if it were his weekend. I think her 2 hr early is a bit much, though. I think 6 would be plenty of time to get the child ready. Meh...

hopanka · December 2010

I agree with PP's that it's a mom-daughter thing. She would like to dress her daughter up for the performance and it's a totally normal request, IMO. I am excited for my child's performance next week and if I were divorced, I would definitely want to be involved, no matter whose weekend that may be. Split holidays are hard enough on parents, so why not give in a little. I think the strict "my weekend, my time" is stupid and should be avoided if at all possible. Both parents still should be able to support their kids at games, recitals, performances...etc. no matter who has them at that time. For the sake of being civil and for the sake of understanding and showing compassion, I wouldn't throw my weight around on this one. That's just my opinion.

fellesferie · December 2010

When XH came here to visit DS, I made him bring him to the house early so I could get him to school. Call it controlling if you want, but I wanted to make sure he was ready. And I was the one who would have to deal with the fall out.

Littlejen22 · December 2010

Yup, if it were my DD I would want to get her ready. And really, is your DH all excited to get her ready or would be you getting ready or helping him along? I do not think there is anything wrong with her going to dance lessons to watch her DD, if she never went we would be criticizing that.

JThomas221 · December 2010

I would agree with PP's that her mom is probably just excited to get her ready for her performance. It may not even be a snub against you guys, just that she wants to be able to do it. That being said, what kind of performance is this that she needs an hour and 45 minutes to get the kid ready? Do the other kids get ready at the school too? That just seems like a lot of time to stand around and wait, KWIM?

lindathornton · December 2010

Its her child. She doesn't stop being a mother just because her child is at her fathers house. If there is a performance its probably something the BM has been looking forward to. Why shouldn't she help her daughter get ready?

ballmom · December 2010

I guess I am looking at it differently because we were having this same issue over SD12 and her Jr High Christmas Dance.

I totally get it is a mother/daughter thing for dance/dances. I look forward to the day that my own DD will be getting ready for hers. But since when is the BD not able or capable of helping in getting a DD ready? I know my SO was soooo excited that he was the one who got to get SD ready for her dance and take her since it was his parenting time. BM was wanting him to forgo his time, have SD go home after school so she could get her ready. BM did not even offer to switch days for this to happen, it was just a flat out "I want her".

I guess this is one of those areas that no matter what happens someone's feelings is going to get hurt. I really feel that both parents should remember that now there will be times when they will not get to "be the one" to get the child ready for big events. If it falls on the other parent's time, ask but if they say no do not get mad. They have every right to be a parent too and get to enjoy those special moments.

lindathornton · December 2010

ballmom:

I guess I am looking at it differently because we were having this same issue over SD12 and her Jr High Christmas Dance.

I totally get it is a mother/daughter thing for dance/dances. I look forward to the day that my own DD will be getting ready for hers. But since when is the BD not able or capable of helping in getting a DD ready? I know my SO was soooo excited that he was the one who got to get SD ready for her dance and take her since it was his parenting time. BM was wanting him to forgo his time, have SD go home after school so she could get her ready. BM did not even offer to switch days for this to happen, it was just a flat out "I want her".

I guess this is one of those areas that no matter what happens someone's feelings is going to get hurt. I really feel that both parents should remember that now there will be times when they will not get to "be the one" to get the child ready for big events. If it falls on the other parent's time, ask but if they say no do not get mad. They have every right to be a parent too and get to enjoy those special moments.

I have 2 daughters that dance, and fathers are not allowed in the area where the girls get ready.

odear · December 2010

ballmom:

I guess I am looking at it differently because we were having this same issue over SD12 and her Jr High Christmas Dance.

I totally get it is a mother/daughter thing for dance/dances. I look forward to the day that my own DD will be getting ready for hers. But since when is the BD not able or capable of helping in getting a DD ready? I know my SO was soooo excited that he was the one who got to get SD ready for her dance and take her since it was his parenting time. BM was wanting him to forgo his time, have SD go home after school so she could get her ready. BM did not even offer to switch days for this to happen, it was just a flat out "I want her".

I guess this is one of those areas that no matter what happens someone's feelings is going to get hurt. I really feel that both parents should remember that now there will be times when they will not get to "be the one" to get the child ready for big events. If it falls on the other parent's time, ask but if they say no do not get mad. They have every right to be a parent too and get to enjoy those special moments.

I agree with you. It is not like someone is insisting that the babysitter take her there to get ready-it is her FATHER.

colonialbride · December 2010

I agree with everyone in that I'm sure the BM is excited about the performance (which by the way, she was there long before another soul at the school, and then admitted that it probably added to SD'd anxiety-thus the reason she ended up not even performing). But with that being said, I guess it irks me because it's not just like this for performances, it's like this for everything! We can't dress her for dance practice, if we take her to a birthday party we are told what outfit to put her in. If we take pics with Santa, she decides what SD wears in OUR pics...I think it's a control thing, and she can't accept that DH has the ability to dress his child and take care of her as equally as BM.

Thanks for helping me see that I should not worry about it since it probably was a special circumstance b/c of the performance!

But the other stuff is just a control issue!

Want a personalized experience?

SD and Christmas Performance

Re: SD and Christmas Performance

Choose Another Board

Search Boards