XP: Can you change nap times? Kinda important.

lemonlimes · December 2010

DD is 8 months old. I am a stay at home mom.

DH works long hours- from 6 to 5 pm everyday. Due to the sitting nature of his job and some health issues, DH was advised to add more physical activity in his day. We both have joined a gym and the only time we can go is from 6-8 pm. (exercise from 6:30- 7:45). We come back home and DH gives DD a bath so that he can spend some time with her and puts her to bed by 9:00pm.

On days that we do not go to the gym, DD's nap routine is:

Gets up: 7:00 am (she gets up at 7 am even if she sleeps at 8, 9 or 10pm)

1st nap: 9:00- 9:45am

2nd nap: 12:30- 2:00 pm

3rd nap: 4:30- 6:30/ 7:00 pm

Sleep:- 9:00pm.

When we go to the gym, DD goes to the child care there. On the days we go, I have to wake her up from her 3rd nap at 5:30 pm to feed her and get her ready. I feel really bad and guilty because she is an infant and she probably needs all the sleep she can get. Her waking up time remains the same in the mornings no matter when I put her to sleep, and I even though I have tried, I havn't been able to change her nap times.

I don't want DH to go to the gym and I stay back because :

1) I already have very less time with him during the weekdays.

2) I need some exercise too

3) DH feels less inclined to go if I don't go

Is there anything I could do? We have been going for 2 weeks. DD is minorly fussy when I wake her up early but she does fine otherwise. DH thinks DD is will accustom herself to the change in timings, but I am worried.

Is there a way I could make her have enough sleep? Experienced moms/ those who have read sleep books, please offer your insights.

Thanks a lot! Sorry its so long

hellopoppyseed · December 2010

At that age DS slept 7pm-7am with only 2 naps. The first was around 9 or 9:30 and the second around 2:30 or 3. With that late of a betime, your LO probably needs a third nap to get enough sleep. I don't know what to advise. Evenings are pretty tight around here with not a lot of extra time for much. Maybe you could go to the gym in the day and you could put your LO to bed earlier and then your dh could go to the gym after she's asleep. Idk

ToBeMrsT · December 2010

I wouldn't take her to the gym that late. If you need to work out then go during the day and your dh can go alone in the evenings. Or maybe he can work out on his lunch break-- dh used to do this. I also think 2 hours at the gym every night is too much. I can't imagine doing that every night.

Lucy_Plus_One! · December 2010

I might look into trying to get her onto a 2 nap a day schedule. I'm almost definite my LO was on 2 naps by 9 months. If you do that, you will need to make sure your LO goes to bed at a decent time. 8 or so, not 10. Something to think about. It usually makes for a rough week or so when you switch, but they adjust to it. Otherwise, I don't think its going to mess your LO up if they get an hour nap in the evening instead of two. Again, just put them down at an early time and don't keep them up late.

lemonlimes · December 2010

thank you for the suggestions. The 2 hour is not workout time. It includes driving to and from gym, dropping to childcare and working out.

I will try and get her to a 2 nap schedule. Sounds reasonable.

I would go alone to the gym, except that I don't want to because of the reasons listed in the OP.

However, if I cannot get it to work, I might just have to go at another time than DH.

I am just trying to find a balance.

wifeandmama · December 2010

For a baby? No, I don't mess with sleep. An older toddler? Maybe. I think you need to workout yourself during the day and tell DH to go after work. A lot of us have husbands that work long hours and sometimes that just goes with the territory.

lms_bride · December 2010

lemonlimes:
thank you for the suggestions. The 2 hour is not workout time. It includes driving to and from gym, dropping to childcare and working out.
I will try and get her to a 2 nap schedule. Sounds reasonable.
I would go alone to the gym, except that I don't want to because of the reasons listed in the OP.
However, if I cannot get it to work, I might just have to go at another time than DH.
I am just trying to find a balance.

It sounds like you are prioritizing time with your husband over your child's sleep requirements. I hate to put it that way, but that's what it comes down to. Personally I wouldn't take my kid to the gym that late. And I agree with other posters, 2 naps at 8 months is pretty standard. What if you go during the day (with your child) and your husband goes, say 3 times/week in the evenings on his own? You have the other 2 nights/week with him and then maybe you all go together to the gym once/weekend (or go on a bike ride, etc). Also, maybe if you schedule a regular date night together, and get a sitter, that would help you feel like you have more time with him. At 8 months, your child needs a lot of sleep and I'd try to prioritize that.

detroitblondie · December 2010

Could you maybe get her to bed before you guys go to the gym? Like, maybe make the second nap a little later and skip the third nap altogether. Then put her in bed earlier around 6:30?

lemonlimes · December 2010

lms_bride:
lemonlimes:
thank you for the suggestions. The 2 hour is not workout time. It includes driving to and from gym, dropping to childcare and working out.
I will try and get her to a 2 nap schedule. Sounds reasonable.
I would go alone to the gym, except that I don't want to because of the reasons listed in the OP.
However, if I cannot get it to work, I might just have to go at another time than DH.
I am just trying to find a balance.
It sounds like you are prioritizing time with your husband over your child's sleep requirements. I hate to put it that way, but that's what it comes down to. Personally I wouldn't take my kid to the gym that late. And I agree with other posters, 2 naps at 8 months is pretty standard. What if you go during the day (with your child) and your husband goes, say 3 times/week in the evenings on his own? You have the other 2 nights/week with him and then maybe you all go together to the gym once/weekend (or go on a bike ride, etc). Also, maybe if you schedule a regular date night together, and get a sitter, that would help you feel like you have more time with him. At 8 months, your child needs a lot of sleep and I'd try to prioritize that.

I can see how it comes across as that way. I am trying to find a balance, and that is why I came here for advice to see if there is something I can do. As I said earlier, if nothing works, I will go alone during the day.

Thanks for the suggestions though. I will talk it over with DH.

MrsBalletStar05 · December 2010

What's funny is that I really never had a problem interrupting a baby's sleep, but once DS#1 got a little older than a year I HATED to mess with naps. DS#1 was and DS#2 is, very good with napping whenever. And DS#2 goes to sleep pretty late as well, at least 9pm, usually later. He is just such a night owl and isn't ready for bed around 7pm like it seems most other babies are (from what I read on the month boards anyways).

PERSONALLY, I think the baby will adjust, like your husband said. It is a very small commitment that you have made just a few times a week. If this is the only scheduled "activity" she has, then I think it is ok.

For me, that isn't too late to go out with a baby at all, but like I said - mine is a night owl.

lms_bride · December 2010

lemonlimes:
lms_bride:
lemonlimes:
thank you for the suggestions. The 2 hour is not workout time. It includes driving to and from gym, dropping to childcare and working out.
I will try and get her to a 2 nap schedule. Sounds reasonable.
I would go alone to the gym, except that I don't want to because of the reasons listed in the OP.
However, if I cannot get it to work, I might just have to go at another time than DH.
I am just trying to find a balance.
It sounds like you are prioritizing time with your husband over your child's sleep requirements. I hate to put it that way, but that's what it comes down to. Personally I wouldn't take my kid to the gym that late. And I agree with other posters, 2 naps at 8 months is pretty standard. What if you go during the day (with your child) and your husband goes, say 3 times/week in the evenings on his own? You have the other 2 nights/week with him and then maybe you all go together to the gym once/weekend (or go on a bike ride, etc). Also, maybe if you schedule a regular date night together, and get a sitter, that would help you feel like you have more time with him. At 8 months, your child needs a lot of sleep and I'd try to prioritize that.
I can see how it comes across as that way. I am trying to find a balance, and that is why I came here for advice to see if there is something I can do. As I said earlier, if nothing works, I will go alone during the day.
Thanks for the suggestions though. I will talk it over with DH.

I understand. Not trying to judge at all. Everyone needs to find a system that works. I am a big believer in not waking kids up from naps, so that was one of the things that I really try to avoid. Good luck, I hope you can find a schedule that works for all of you.

Stacyc625 · December 2010

wifeandmama:
For a baby? No, I don't mess with sleep. An older toddler? Maybe. I think you need to workout yourself during the day and tell DH to go after work. A lot of us have husbands that work long hours and sometimes that just goes with the territory.

exactly.

LuckySunshineBaby · December 2010

I have no issue with moving DD into a nap pattern that worked better for us as a family. So, it looks like I'll go against the norm on this one. DD at 8 months woke up at 7:30, was down for nap at 9:30 and took a second afternoon nap at around 2:30, with an 8:00 bedtime. I would dress your LO in their pj's before you leave in case they fall asleep on the way home.

Honestly, kids adjust. DH also had health issues that made it a huge priority to get to the gym. I felt it was imperative I support him in any way I could. I never harped on him to come home early or skip the gym, so that he would go. I didn't go with him ($), but if that's what it would have taken, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

We moved DD's nap pattern several times in an effort to make her schedule work for us. I'm sure our hypothetical next child will have to do the same. By 8 months, most of the children in the infant room in the daycare I worked at were down to 2 naps. We phased out one nap at 12-15 months as well. DD dropped her second nap (strangely her afternoon nap first) at about 15ish months. Because her activities are scheduled in the morning, I moved her morning nap to the afternoon so that she could get out and about. I just pushed her back 20 minutes, 2 days at a time until she was where I needed her to be.

HTH

regenab · December 2010

At 8 months old (7 months adjusted) my girls dropped the 3rd nap of the day. I started following the 2-3-4 rule.

Say wake up time is 7am, first nap of the day should start no later than 2 hours after morning wake up, so she needs to be down for nap no later than 9am, which is sounds like you are already doing. The second nap of the day should start 3 hours from she wakes from first nap, so if she gets up at 9:45, she should be down for nap no later than 12:45. Bedtime should then be 4 hours after she wakes from 2nd nap of the day. So if she wakes at 2:00, she should be going to bed at 6pm. Sounds really early, but if you put her down early for about a week straight, you will see her naps during the day will start to last longer and the afternoon nap will start more like 1/1:30 so she will nap until more like 3-4pm and then bedtime can start between 7 and 8pm.

9pm bedtime is really late for an 8 month old, especially one that gets up at 7am. The reason she needs that 3rd nap of the day still and it is so long is because she is not getting enough over night sleep. If she gets up at 7am consistantly, then I would have her in bed not later than 7pm. Once you start doing this, she should start taking a longer afternoon nap and will not need that 3rd nap of the day.

So to me your only choice to get her to drop that nap is an earlier bedtime, but that is going to mean you either stay home or you get a babysitter in the evenings that can put her to bed.

I would try the earlier bedtime for at least 3 weeks and see if you can get her into a better (meaning better timewise) nap schedule and dropping that third nap. Then once she is sleeping 12 hours at night and on 2 naps a day, you can try pushing the bedtime to 7:30 and maybe 8pm and she may sleep until 7:30am or 8am.

For me (might have been because I have 2 of them and do it by myself since DH is only home 3 days a month) I made sleep a top priority. It sucked for the first year because they were in bed by like 6:30/7pm every night, but they needed the sleep and I wanted them to be well rested. I missed out on a lot of things that first year, but I wanted to establish a good sleeping routine for my girls, so it would continue into the future. I was able to move their bedtime to 8pm once we got to a year old because that is when I became a SAHM. I didn't move their bedtime to 9pm until they were almost 2. At almost 2 1/2 years old bedtime is 9pm and they sleep until 8am. They also take a 2 hour nap in the afternoon most days of the week. They never fight me to go to bed at night because they know what to expect because it has always been this way.

Now on special occasions they do stay out late, like this past Saturday I took them to Epcot for the evening and we stayed to see the fireworks Christmas light show and didn't leave the park until 10:30, they fell asleep right away in the car, but 10:30 is a really late bedtime for them. I paid for it for 2 days though, with early wakeup times and fighting the naps. Just this afternoon we are getting back on track and they will probably sleep until normal time tomorrow morning.

Lastly, I know it is not what you want to hear, but can you maybe go to the gym in the morning, get her out the door as soon as she wakes from that morning nap and you workout at that time, just until she gets to be say a year old and then you can go back to like a 8 to 8:30 bedtime. When I became a SAHM, I started working out at home everday when the girls took their afternoon nap. We couldn't afford a gym when I first stopped working, so I did The 30day shred everyday in the afternoon then took a shower and was ready when they got up from nap to go on with our day. It really picked me up in the afternoon and I didn't get that worn down feeling at say 4pm.

lemonlimes · December 2010

excellent suggestions. thank you!

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