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Adoption
Open, semi-open or closed adoption???
We attended our first information seminar last night at an Open Adoption agency and my husband and I came out of it a little nervous about the openess. I would like to have contact with the birthmother but I don't want her to have our phone number and address, I guess is where semi-open would come in?? I wouldn't even mind checking into closed adoption but I understand it is an outdated concept anymore as well.
So, my questions is what type of adoption have you chosen and why?
Thank you
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Re: Open, semi-open or closed adoption???
It's likely that we'll go with a semi-open adoption (we haven't picked an agency yet). The agency we have in mind encourages contact between birthparents and adoptive parents, but all of it is done through the agency. Last names and contact information isn't shared. I don't know if they allow you to be more open if you wish.
IMO, you need to go with what you're comfortable with. If you don't want to be sharing uniquely personal information and getting together for coffee, that's OK. Find a place that suits your needs and go from there.
Good luck.
I think we will be somewhere between semi-open and open. I am more then happy to keep the birth parents updated as the baby grows up with pictures, letters, etc. and maybe creating a baby blog that they can check when they feel comfortable.
I would be open to the idea of us visiting them around the baby's 1st birthday. I don't necessarily want to give them our address but I might be willing to change my mind after meeting them. I think DH is pretty set against exchanging too much personal info, though.
One of the reasons we decided on a domestic adoption was so that the baby would have the chance to meet his/her birth parents if s/he wanted.
It's a matter of finding what you are most comfortable with. There are even degrees of opennesss as well.
I set up a private blog for them that I update about once a month. I also have an email that is just for contact with them. And we have a PO box for them as well. We were going to do an 800 phone #, but we haven't done it yet, not sure if we are going to or not. We typically communicate about once a month give or take. It works well for all of us. I have a picture that I took of them in the hospital, and one of them holding our son - and they have a special place in a special frame in his room.
That's what works for our situation. Good luck figuring out what works best for you!
When we got the call about Ben, he was already born. We got the call and the next day we were at the hospital to take him home. We had agreed on a semi-open adoption as stated in our home study. We would meet before the birth, talk on the phone (800) number, and exchange pictures and letters.
Because of the way our match was done, we didn't have a chance to meet or talk before Ben was born. When we got to the hospital, the hospital SW told us that the birth mother had decided she didn't want to meet us and left the hospital before we even saw Ben.
The only thing we are doing is sending pictures and letters 2 X's a year for 18 years. We send the pictures to the agency and they send them on. This is what the birth mother wanted too.
We are very happy with the situation. I wasn't really comfortable keeping in close contact with the birth parents. My brother is adopted and it's a completely closed adoption, and he is absolutely fine with that and doesn't have any kind of "problems" with it.
It just depends on your own circumstances.
I have been told that closed adoptions are super rare these days.
My preference would be semi-open but we'd consider a more open relationship based on the BM's circumstances.