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Working Moms
alisonada
member
? if your parents help out w/child care - was I out of line?
alisonada
member
in Working Moms
Would/do you parents watch a sick kid (or kids)?
My mom refused to watch my older DD, who has strep throat, tomorrow, even though DH and I were in a huge predicament with no way that either of us can take the day off. She's too worried about getting strep herself and implied that I'm selfish for asking her to take that risk.
FWIW, she's a lifelong SAHM who has no concept of what life is like with two working parents.
Do you think that I was out of line to ask them to watch her?
ETA: She's not their usual daycare provider, they usually go to daycare but I obviously can't send DD with strep.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ? if your parents help out w/child care - was I out of line?
No, you are not out of line.
If your mom watches DD as your form of childcare, I think it is odd that she wouldn't be willing to do it when she is sick.
If you were reaching out to her because you couldn't take DD to normal daycare, then it would have been nice for her to watch her (I hope that my MIL and mom would do so) but she does have the right to say no. But there is nothing wrong with you asking.
My mom saved our butts numerous times last year by watching DS when he was sick.
the fact that she is not their normal care provider - i think it's a bit much for you to be angry that she wouldn't watch a child who is sick- esp with strep... strep is very contaigious and really knocks a person out (i get horribly sick when i get it).
as working parents it is part of your job to figure out child care when your kids get sick... trust me- with THREE kids it's a total PITA and I only work part time- but they ALWAYS get sick on days I'm supposed to work - and i don't get many days i can take off- so it's a balance DH and i have to make to work it out- and we do.
My mom has watched my kids on days they are sick if DH and i both have something important going on at work - or it's just a day she's free and can do it so I don't have to take a day off.... but if it's strep or a stomach bug I personally would never ask her b/c that's the kind of thing that would SUCK for her if she got it. A regular cold or typical childhood only type illness (5th disease, hand foot mouth, etc) it's not a problem - but strep and stomach bugs are the line to me.
I totally agree.
I don't think it's out of line to ask, but she does have every right to refuse. It is not her job to be your back-up daycare and as much as it sucks to try to find back-up care, that's your responsibility, not hers.
Baby # 2 edd 11/26/08 - Ezra Jacob born 11/29/08, 9 lbs 6 oz., 21 3/4 in
Baby #3 edd 05/04/13 - Titus Jude born 05/01/13, 9 lb 5 oz. 21.5 in
This.
#1 - where in my post did I say that I was angry? Sure, maybe you could sense some frustration (justified or not,) but I'm not angry.
#2 - I know that it's not my mom's responsibility to solve my childcare dilemmas. I've been a working mom for (most of) 3 years, obviously we've dealt with things like this before and have made it work. This is just an especially difficult situation because (i) I just started a new job (ii) I have no PTO until January and (iii) have work that literally HAS to be done tomorrow and can't be done from home. My husband is in retail management and time off is impossible for him right now, short of a dire emergency. If he didn't go into work tomorrow his store wouldn't be able to open.
#3 - I've had strep before, I know how terrible it is. But it's primarily transmitted through close contact; being in the same room with someone who has it isn't an automatic diagnosis. We've had one person with strep in our household many times, while the rest of us avoided getting it.
Did she have the right to say no? Of course, that's not what I asked. Am I slightly disappointed in her decision? Yeah, I am. Especially after this post confirmed my suspicions that some grandparents do risk illness themselves to help out with sick kids when their parents are in a bind.
But my reason for posting wasn't to get everyone to say how terrible it is that she wouldn't do it. I really did just wonder if most other grandparents would watch sick kids. My parents just moved to the same city as us - having grandparents to help at all is brand new, so we've never dealt with situations like this before. The way she acted really did make me wonder if I was out of line for even asking.
Honestly, in my current job situation, I would not have asked my mom or MIL to watch DS if he had something like strep.
But, if I would have asked, my mom would have said yes, but my MIL would have said no. And I wouldn't have been upset with my MIL b/c she is older and not in general good health. So she is more susceptible to illness.
Eh- you sound angry to me. Sorry, but you do.
To answer your question, my parents watch DS 2 days every week. To date, he's only been head-cold sick nothing worse.
Anytime my son has gotten sick, I've asked my parents if they'd rather not watch him. And if they had said that yea, they'd rather not, I would be 100% fine w/ that. He is MY son, MY responsibility. If he's sick enough that they are concerned about getting sick themselves, then it's on me to watch him.
Honestly, I do think you're out of line. Your justification of "she's always been a SAHM and doesn't know what its like to be a working parent" is kind of what pushed me to this, and what makes me feel like you are angry.
She doesn't have to "know what it's like". She's not the parent here.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Agreed. I don't think you're out of line in asking. I DO think you're out of line in getting bent out of shape that she refused.
I don't think you're out of line to ask, but I don't think she's out of line by saying no either. Granted, by that point your DD probably won't be contagious anymore if she's been on antibiox for a day or two.
My ILs help out a lot with childcare and I always ask about staying with my kids. I know that it's not their responsibility to stay home with my sick kids so if they aren't ok with it then I am ok with staying home. I would feel awful if they got sick from my kids too.
Can you and YH split the day? That's what we do if we have something important going on in the office. We also have a nanny agency in town that will come stay with sick kids for $12/hour. money well spent if you're in a predicament, IMO.
I'm sorry--that blows.
I'd ask my mom and while I'd understand if she said no, I'd probably be a little mad. Sure, it's my kid and my responsibility, but in my world, family helps out when it's needed.
This, but this year! Since dd has been in day care, not only has she been sick...but she's brought everything home to us. There were quite a few times where df's mom came and saved us by watching DD. I just started a new job and literally cannot take off any work for the first 90 days...and df has trouble getting off as well if he has an important project.
I don't think you were out of line in asking at ALL.
I dont think that was out of line.
I wouldn't ask the grandparents to watch LOs with strep. From what I've seen with my parents and IL's, the older you get, the more likely it is for an illness like that to really knock you on your butt, sometimes for a really long time, and I wouldn't want to risk it.
I know my MIL wouldn't have thought twice about it. There is no doubt they'd be there to watch if DD was ever sick and could not go to regular DC.
If she is a lifelong SAHM didn't she watch you guys when you were sick? I don't see a big difference in watching a GC. I mean, there are precautions you can take to not get sick, like don't shower the kid in kisses, etc.
I don't think you were out of line at all.
My mom volunteered to watch DD when she had lice, at her house no less. And she told me a story about her mom driving 2 hours to pick up my little brother when he had chicken pox and she had no sick time left at work. I do think plenty of grandparents are willing to do this, especially when you're really stuck at work. On the other hand, I seriously doubt my in-laws would do it. I guess it depends on the grandparents.
No, I don't think you were out of line.
My parents watch DS one day a week and are my backup DC if DS is sick and neither DH or I can stay home from work to be with him. They have watched him before when he was sick, and have even taken him to the dr. (when DH and I were on a trip and DS got an ear infection and also for DS's flu shot). The only time they have been concerned about coming to watch DS is when they are sick.
As an aside, I thought strep is only contagious for a certain period of time at the beginning, and then once the person is on meds, they are no longer contangious... I could be totally wrong, though. So maybe your DD wouldn't even be contagious tomorrow.
Both my parents and my inlaws would, and have. She could have 2 heads and liquid coming out of everywhere and have a big "contagious" stamp on her forehead and they'd be snuggling her all day.
That said, I would never expect them to if they didn't want to. Your kids are your responsibility, and you need to be able to make concessions if they are sick. I have no family in town and there have been several times when LO is sick and DH and I can NOT miss work....but guess what, we do. Unfortunately it's part of being a working parent.