I don't want a joint shower with a 2nd time mom! Is it worth saying something?

april262011 · December 2010

I'm expecting my first and my friend, who is expecting her second, suggested we should do a joint shower. She got really excited about that idea, but I didn't know what to say. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I really had hoped for my own. I always thought showers were for first-timers anyways. I should mention that that same friend will likely be hosting mine which makes it all the more difficult to say something. Do I say anything to her or just let it be a joint shower? Please help me!

BLM10 · December 2010

First of all, it's tacky of her to assume she will have a shower. Second, I would hope she is not throwing her own. I would tell her you hope to have your own shower, and add that she should understand, having already had one.

april262011 · December 2010

BLM10:
First of all, it's tacky of her to assume she will have a shower. Second, I would hope she is not throwing her own. I would tell her you hope to have your own shower, and add that she should understand, having already had one.

That's kind of what I thought but she's a good friend and I just don't want to hurt her feelings. I also should have mentioned that she was thinking we would both host the joint shower for each other (which also seems tacky to me). That's good advice; I just need the courage to explain to her that I had hoped to have my own.

liannemarie82 · December 2010

A Shower should be something for just you, not to be a joint thing. I would tell her that you don't think that is a good idea, and that there are a lot of other things you can do together as friends expecting!

danilynn17 · December 2010

Has she really thought about this? Wouldn't this be very awkward for the guests, having to buy two gifts, particularly if they don't even know the other person? Obviously your families are different, and surely you don't have the exact same circle of friends.

She's off her rocker on this one.

rhubarb123 · December 2010

I agree with danilynn17. I've gone to a couple of joint showers and did not have a good experience. The first one I went to I knew both woman but one was my niece and the other was her friend. I would have normally spent much more for my niece then just a woman I know (not really friends with, etc). but I felt odd spending more for my niece's gift. The 2nd joint shower I went to I knew one woman and did not know the other woman at all. I did not get her a gift either. Boy, that was awkward!

I would just explain to your friend that you think for your family/friends it might be hard for them to purchase two gifts blah blah blah...so you would just as soon have separate showers.

It would be like hosting your own even though YOU would be the hostess for her and she would be the hosting yours. Weird...and it will look like you are hosting your own shower to most of the guests...especially since everything will be (I'm assuming) split down the middle cost wise, etc.

EastCoastBride · December 2010

april262011:

I also should have mentioned that she was thinking we would both host the joint shower for each other (which also seems tacky to me).

It is. It just looks like you are both throwing yourown showers.

I think what the others said about the guests is true too- people WILL feel they have to buy both of you something,even if they don't know you well.

TrendyTina · December 2010

danilynn17:
Has she really thought about this? Wouldn't this be very awkward for the guests, having to buy two gifts, particularly if they don't even know the other person? Obviously your families are different, and surely you don't have the exact same circle of friends.
She's off her rocker on this one.

I agree. It's not respectful to your guests. I'm also in the camp who believes you should only have a shower for your first. End of story.

Good luck!

Disneygeek77 · December 2010

That is a really strange thing for her to request. It is like she is trying to piggyback on your shower or something. I would just tell her no and pray that someone else throws you a shower.

april262011 · December 2010

Thank you all. I really appreciate your responses and they have given me the courage to say something. I'd rather not have one if having one is going to be a joint deal.

H4'sFan · December 2010

That b*tch be crazy.

callmecrazy1 · December 2010

I think you should just simply tell her that you would like for you each to have your own showers, and smile. I would wait for her to bring it up again to mention it, unless she is actually in planning mode. For all you know, it may have just been a happy thought in her head and not something she reallllly intended on playing out.

That being said, I would keep the judgments aside, as sometimes (most of the time where I come from) second time moms (or even more than second time moms) do have showers for the baby and every situation is different. If she wants to have a shower and someone wants to throw it for her, enjoy it *with* her- as she is your friend. In all honesty, if you think it's tacky to have more than one don't go. She'd much rather NOT have you there if you think such a thing and i doubt she wants to feel uncomfortable at her own shower.

If she is your friend, she will understand you wanting your own shower, especially for your first.

stephanie_shoe · December 2010

I agree; as a first time mom you should enjoy your own shower!

Ms Molly · December 2010

She shouldn't be expecting a shower for a second baby in the first place! But aside from that, you should be able to enjoy your own shower. I'm assuming that she had her own shower for her first child, don't you deserve the same. I don't think this is unreasonable for you to want your own.

Linz-E · December 2010

I would just tell her you were hoping to have your own as this is your first baby. I also find it pretty tacky of her to expect a second shower and would she be hosting her own shower?

Want a personalized experience?

I don't want a joint shower with a 2nd time mom! Is it worth saying something?

Re: I don't want a joint shower with a 2nd time mom! Is it worth saying something?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards